Husband says there is no passion

[LoveRut2012]

Me and my husband have been married more than 6 years and well our intimate life has been anything less than satisfactory to say the least. We both lost our jobs back in 2010 and have had a rough couple of years. I had adrenal fatigue from my job so my desire for anything intimate was basically nonexistent.

 

My husband has reached the point where he only sees me as a roommate and says I have no passion. He is used to the situation and can't seem to see it ever changing. I have been recovering from my adrenal fatigue and want to show my husband that I am passionate. He has gotten to the point where he doesn't want me to touch him because he feels its fake or won't lead anywhere.

 

How can I show him that I am passionate again without coming off as a fake? There has been so many arguments over this, I feel as if I try anything he will think I am just pretending to please him and it is not how I really feel. This is not true. Any ideas??????? Thanks in advance.

[Bellechica]

Hi loverut, I have been and may still be going thru something similar although at least you and your H are discussing the problem rather than ignoring it for years.

Your H probably resents having to intiate intimacy, and has felt rejection so many times. Now he feels resentment. No spouse wants to be intimant with a partner who is just doing it out of spousely duty.

In my case it's been my H with a lower libido. Our first few years of M were great, but problems arose to the point of being in a sexless M.

I think these issues begin outside of the bedroom. We lose connection and avoid problems.

If your H is at the point where he has given up that he doesn't trust that any physical intimacy with you is genuine then maybe you could begin by reconnecting outside the bedroom first.

Workout together, talk, share, do things, text each other, check in throughout the day, become best friends again.

If he seems to be open to reconnecting, and you tell him you really miss that connection then hopefully you can reconnect sexually.

Tell him you are sincere in pleasuring each other. You might try touching yourself to show him. My H wouldn't like me doing that, but you know your H, so do what you feel is best.

Also, just know the longer it has been the more awkward it may be and that these intimacy issues aren't a quick fix.

I just had an amazing three nights with my H so I'm hopeful but it's still an issue I'm sure we will work on. The main point is communication, and reconnection in the relationship.

You've acknowledged there is a problem and you're seeking advice by coming here for advice so that's a start. LS isn't professional therapy and you'll get lots of varying opinions but use it to fit your life and situation. There are many approaches and solutions to problems.

Also, just prior to my great weekend of physical intimacy, I asked my H if he would be willing to see a sex therapist for us to work on our issues. He said "maybe", but if we keep moving in the direction we are going, I think we will work it out.

I can tell you want to make this work with your H.

Edited May 22, 2012 by Bellechica