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Jobless wreck


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Old 7th February 2004, 2:36 AM   #1
ca
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Jobless wreck

I thought that things were just beginning to work out between me and my husband, but i guess i have being wrong in judging that just by the amount of intimacy and proximity he seemed to be sharing with me lately!

All that affection ( what ever little came my way, i took it and respected it and cherised it, because one gets to treasure what one finds in scarcity!) would eventually lead to a statement that he planned to put in, in a very matter of fact way - ' See iv being nice to you, now you be a good girl , and get urself a job fk the discomfort, just tak up any job tat comes ur way!' .

Not that i have being completely avoiding the job hunt exercise, but certainly wouldnt jump and get into any job irrespective of the plc whr it is situated and the other pointers that are not necessarily luxury conveniences but important to me, considering my health these days! He refuses to give credit to that! All he wants me to do is ' get a job or else ur reputation is gonna get scrwded' !! Have u heard of that one before?

While we were having a talk on that, he expressed his disgust over me not being able to get a job, and that he was unsure of "us" anymore. A call came in, one of his friends, and he started to talk abt me, and generally abuse and insult me calling me a good for nothing, living vegetable that he is stuck with!!

I later realised he has being doing this with almost all of his friends, the sympathetic ones call me to ask me how I am, and the tone of conversation is always that of one who would enquire the health of a mentally sick and retarded person!

I know I am NOT mentally sick or bad, but this kind of behaviour sure is pushing me down into more depression and low self esteem .I am beginning to think this guy is doing everything to put me down and humiliate me, BUT divorce me...... perhaps he is a sadist? I dont know!

My mind set and self confidence has got muddled up! I cant face interviews anymore, I feel the whole world is looking at me with those sympathetic ridiculing eyes - " Poor thing, she needs a job so desperately, but see she isnt capable". This is what i keep hearing from him, every damn day!

Eventually my marraige as well as my career are getting destroyed side-by-side.... sadly I am not able to deal with the career part in a more professional way! What do i do??

Today he actually kicked me hard on my tummy for some lame fight we had over a non-issue, and then like " Big deal, u can go to a doc now and burn my money, U dont do anything else anyway' Sheeshhh!!

How do i open his eyes to all that i DO?? I manage the house , the accounts, everything, BUT the job ( yeah.. sigh. and thats all tha t mattered to him )

A part of me wants to resign from life now, coz if im not gonna be able to get myself a job, ( my marraige isnt getting anywhere anyway) I guess its no point living and being a burden !! ( words of a loser.. yes! )
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Old 7th February 2004, 2:46 AM   #2
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?

Do you have kids together?
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Old 7th February 2004, 2:58 AM   #3
ca
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Nope! no kids, we couldnt have one rite now anyways, financially ( his parents compeltely depend on us, we have a home loan of theirs to pay off as well as normal expenses.. all of it !) as well as emotionally ( see we'v being OFF each other lately, so that leaves not much room for sex) !
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Old 7th February 2004, 3:21 AM   #4
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??

i guess it's a good thing that you dont have any kids yet. you have to fix your problems first, right?

try to think of what YOU want for yourself and your marriage. do you think you'll feel better about yourself if you get back into your career? maybe going back to work is just what you need...

i was in kinda that same situation as you when i was married. i quit college, i wasn't working, but i needed money and i felt like i couldn't handle job interviews, etc. i eventually broke outta my shell, i got a job and it paid off.

i'm divorced now (thats a whole other story- he cheated on me so i divorced him). having a job enabled me to figure out that i could make it on my own.

a few years later and i have a bf now with another stupid situation though...

anyway, do what YOU think will make you happy. don't be depressed, just make yourself happy and everyone in your life will see you as a whole new person. i know it's hard to make people understand how you feel, thats part of my problem too. i guess thats why we're writing on this thing huh...
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Old 7th February 2004, 4:39 AM   #5
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Yep sister, thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinion with me. We tend to sometimes drift off in self-bashing ourselves thinking maybe we went wrong somewhere, etc etc. Guess, we need to concentrate sometimes on just US and our happiness and find out ways to achieve peace of mind admist all this chaoes.
I surely wish I would get a job asap, might help in diverting mind off marraige issues and relationship wrecks!

Have read your posts and see that uv also had ur share of hassles and emotional moments with ur ex's. Think , things will get sorted once we place ourselves before everything and everybody and try to work independently .. sans emotions!? U think so too?

I have figured once i start thinking downhill, things dont get any better an this again blocks me from doing things I could do , to better the situation, and that includes losing complete confidence in even doing the simplest things in life!

So its gonna be ME and MY wants first and then my marraige from now on..
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Old 7th February 2004, 6:52 AM   #6
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Must be good to yourself!!!......place your own well being above anything.
I am going through a marriage breakdown (heading for divorce) and jobless state now.
Must think positive and concentrate on looking for a job. Things will get better soon.
I have been posting on LSL and you can feel that there are people concerned about you on this world.
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Old 7th February 2004, 9:34 AM   #7
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Today he actually kicked me hard on my tummy


IMHO you should:

TODAY: GET AWAY FROM THIS DISGUSTING PIECE OF SH*T THAT WILL NEVER DESERVE TO SHARE YOUR LIFE.
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Old 7th February 2004, 1:04 PM   #8
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He physically kicked you in the stomach?????
Wow if he leaves..... good for you. You don't need that sh..!
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Old 7th February 2004, 1:08 PM   #9
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Please consider treatment for depression. Your words indicate that you may be depressed - not being able to face interviews, having unworthy thoughts, etc.

And he KICKED you in the STOMACH????? That is SO low.
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Old 7th February 2004, 8:09 PM   #10
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I agree with Samson.

You must make sure the physical abuse stops or it may well worsten. He needs to know he absolutely can not do this - if you need to leave to show him this then do it.

This man is destroying you - please find a way to take some time away from him - do you have relatives who could invite you to stay for a while? Are they supportive of you?

Take care, we are thinking of you.
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Old 21st February 2004, 10:49 AM   #11
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You sound depressed to me. I don't know if you are already getting help, but you should. Your self-esteem is rock bottom and this "man" you are with is keeping it there. Normally I tend to think about repairing marriages, but he is never going to change. Kicking you in the stomach is bad, but the emotional abuse is worse. He is destroying you and you MUST get away from him, no matter what.
You are worth more than this - believe it.
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Old 21st February 2004, 10:56 AM   #12
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get a job

so what is the big deal with getting a job? millions of people have one. not everyone likes their job but it's what ya gotta do to survive in this world. you're born,you grow up into an adult and you get a job.

however, putting up with somoene physically abusing you isn't the way to go. instead of writing about it here, why don't you make plans to get a job so that you can save up money and then leave this jerk? why are you putting up with someone kicking you?
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Old 21st February 2004, 11:24 AM   #13
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That's a bit harsh, fallenangel. If ca is really depressed (ie she is ill, and depression IS a real illness) it may be way beyond her to get a job until she is better. And recovery will not be possible until she loses that man. Why is he still there anyway, if he feels so negatively about her? Maybe he just likes the dynamics of the relationship which make him feel powerful...
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Old 21st February 2004, 8:28 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by Samson
Today he actually kicked me hard on my tummy


IMHO you should:

TODAY: GET AWAY FROM THIS DISGUSTING PIECE OF SH*T THAT WILL NEVER DESERVE TO SHARE YOUR LIFE.

Quote:
Originally posted by gaia
You sound depressed to me. I don't know if you are already getting help, but you should. Your self-esteem is rock bottom and this "man" you are with is keeping it there. Normally I tend to think about repairing marriages, but he is never going to change. Kicking you in the stomach is bad, but the emotional abuse is worse. He is destroying you and you MUST get away from him, no matter what.
You are worth more than this - believe it.
I should even have put SoleMate's quote here.

ca does indeed sound like depression has kicked in. With all the abuse going on, it's no wonder.

First things first - end the abuse by getting out as fast as possible. I agree with gaia here - if he does indeed change, it's only going to be for the worse. There must be some sort of social service agency in your area that can help you. Getting treated for the resulting depression and even getting help finding a job will be related issues that the agency's staff can help you with in a case like this.

Do keep us posted on how things are going for you. There are plenty of us that have been in the same (or similar) situations that you can talk to here for support.
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