Reverse Psychology.....?

[HurtinginVA]

You know how people always want what they cant have, right? LOL H and I are "working things out" right now and Im starting to wonder if Im going about it the right way. When we first got together, oh so long ago, my attitude towards him was more or less "if you wanna hang out with me, great, if not, see ya!" I pretty much let him know that if he was going to do his own thing I wasnt going to sit around and pine for him, I would go out with my friends and have a good time anyways. I think he really liked that. I think it intruged(sp?) him.

 

6 years later, here we are. He had an affair.....etc etc etc.....youve heard the story a million times. Ive been trying my hardest to let him know that I am sincere in working things out, that I love him, that I want to be married to him still, want to make him happy.........Should I not do that, or at least not as aggresively as I have been? He told me last night that he's enjoying how sexually aggressive Ive been lately (I guess that's good ) But after thinking on that comment for a few hours, ya know what? He's not making advances on me! So here's where my question on Reverse Psychology comes in. Should I stop? (not that I want to but....) Should I wait for him to come to me?

 

Does that even make any sense? LOL Play a little hard to get?? Lemme know what you guys think

[Errol]

I have never heard of a case of "playing hard to get" working after marriage. That little piece of paper and that vow make a huge difference in the games we play when we are single.

 

If something he said got you thinking - then tell him "something you said got me to thinking -- I'm enjoying our new sex life too, but it seems like I'm the one who initiates...." and talk to him about how you are feeling and ask him if you were not initiating -- would he be?

 

Rebuilding after an affair has got to be really tough. I don't pretend to know what emotions and thoughts and fears you are both feeling. The only thing I can offer is that an affair is a dishonest act and so are a lot of the games people play--including 'hard to get'. Be honest with him. Good luck

[steveb]

I suppose you can stop temporarilly to see what happens.

 

I know that when the person who was looking outside the marriage makes no attempts with you, It can be very confusing.

[AprilFool]

And there are no affairs in my relationship that I know of, but sometimes playing a little hard to get makes him want me around more. Sometimes it arouses him.

 

A lady I work with said her man comes around and is much more attentive/sweet, when she has the "do what you wanna do" attitude.

 

I know personally, though, that when my husband plays hard to get, and is not attentive, it gets on my nerves. He, like your husband, was perfect when I was in the playing hard to get dating stage.

 

Do what you think will work! Only you know your husband.

[Thinkalot]

I think Errol has hit the nail on the head. Be open..tell him how you feel straight up and keep the lines of communication working. Good luck and good on you for hanging in there and trying to make things better after the affair.

[jester]

Play a little hard to get?? Lemme know what you guys think

 

 

 

 

This guy thinks you shouldn't play at all. Post-affair relationships are fragile. Recovery is uneven. One of the reasons he has not been taking the lead sexually may be his bad conscience and anxiety that you might reject him for is bad behavior.

 

By you taking the lead sexually, you accomplish a number of things. First, you strengthen the attachment between you two. Second, you tell him that you still love him, and desire him, despite his behavior. Last, the sex puts you in control of a relationship where you had temporarily lost control to the other woman.

 

If you all of a sudden become passive, he might think you're becoming aloof out of anger over his affair or draw other adverse inferences.

 

I thus recommend against playing hard to get at this critical healing time in your marriage.