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To wed or not to wed, that is the question


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
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Old 29th December 2003, 8:28 AM   #1
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To wed or not to wed, that is the question

I want to know something. I don't want opinions or "well my friend so and so did this" i want what you think. You the reader of the post right here right now. OK?

My question is, Would you marry someone you've never slept with? That's the topic, what is your view on such a thing. Give it a moment actually think about it. Go here is a person I've never gone to bed with, and now they want me to marry them. Would you do so? Why or why not.
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Old 29th December 2003, 8:34 AM   #2
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I personally wouldn't marry someone I didn't know fully. Making love with someone is another aspect of 'knowing them'.
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Old 29th December 2003, 8:44 AM   #3
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I would not marry anyone whom I did not experience as a lover. Sex/lovemaking is so intrinsic to a person that I would have to know how comfortable they are naked and seeing me naked.

I would absolutely need some idea of that person's IQ ("Intimacy Quotient") before marrying them.

I would also like to know if she was a good, passionate and skilled lover.

Are our sex drives roughly equivalent?

It all goes into the mix.

Sexual incompatability is no fun.

Marriage is for a long time--or at least it used to be.
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Old 29th December 2003, 9:35 AM   #4
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I certainly wouldn't. It wouldn't be so much a 'test drive' to determine skill because you learn about each other over time; it would more be to get an idea of attitude and tastes; for instance does he think he already knows everything there is to know or is he willing to try new things? Does he NEED me to have the orgasm before he's happy even if I'm fine without? That sort of stuff is useful to know.
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Old 29th December 2003, 11:59 AM   #5
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I believe that marriage is till death do you part and I would also expect monogamy from my marriage (unless we had agreed on a 3some or something). Therefore, I would not want to enter into a committment like marriage until I had determined whether my partner and I were sexually compatible. I don't think I could marry a guy I hadn't had sex with but then again if I had a long term relationship with this guy and everything was terrific I might be inclined to think if after marriage the sex wasn't good, we'd be able to practice until it was - gee I just don't know - this is a hard one - or at least you better hope it's a hard one. hee hee
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Old 29th December 2003, 2:26 PM   #6
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gee I just don't know - this is a hard one - or at least you better hope it's a hard one. hee hee

Groan...
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Old 29th December 2003, 4:25 PM   #7
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Absolutely not. I am assuming that you are of a culture where you expect everlasting love from marriage. Sex life at the beginning of a marriage (skill level etc.) bears no comparison to what comes later but you need a certain level of intimacy to know someone well enough for a marriage based on love.
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Old 29th December 2003, 5:01 PM   #8
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Times sure have changed. Of course I would and I did. Sex doesn't define a marriage - it's good because you love each other and want to please each other so you learn about each others likes/dislikes in the bedroom department. Talk about it first so you know how important sex is to the other one, and discuss any major roadblocks, expectations and hopes, but marriage isn't about sex. Not that long ago most couples married as virgins. People keep talking about how more marriages lasted "way back when" maybe it had something to do with marrying for love and companionship and trust and not using sexual performance as a qualifier.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking with it.
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Old 29th December 2003, 6:03 PM   #9
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Your Question

In a nutshell - find out EVERYTHING about a person before you marry them. Sex is very important to me because I have a healthy sex drive - one of the things I love about my husband is how compatible in bed we are.

You don't want someone who is going to be a dud in bed.
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Old 29th December 2003, 9:01 PM   #10
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No I wouldn't. It's part of knowing someone fully, which is a must before marriage I think.
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Old 30th December 2003, 8:09 AM   #11
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how long would you stay in a relationship with someone who wont have sex with you?? Would it even get to the point of marrige as a question?
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Old 30th December 2003, 8:44 AM   #12
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My partner wanted to wait. I think we were together for around 2 or 3 months before having sexual intercourse. While sex isn't everything, not being able to share that experience with him was tourture.

I don't believe in one night stands, ot sleeping with them from the word go, but once the connection is determined
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Old 30th December 2003, 10:03 AM   #13
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While I do feel sex is definitely an aspect of a relationship that should be visited prior to marriage, the quality and quantity of it while dating or living together is by no means an accurate predictor of those same aspects after marriage. Many marriages, MANY, crash and burn because of dramatic changes in the quality and frequency of sex at some point after the nuptuals.

I hate to say this, but marriage is a gamble that is mitigated only to a degree by getting to know somebody. People change, some quite rapidly, and the person and experience you get to know may not be the person and experience you end up with. There is no subsitute for paying attention. Sometimes the silence between sentences and the inactivity between experiences speak more loudly when dating. And to make things even worse, we fall in love and stop seeing and hearing at all....eeewwwwww!

God be with us all and help us to PAY ATTENTION!
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Old 30th December 2003, 10:29 AM   #14
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Quote:
While I do feel sex is definitely an aspect of a relationship that should be visited prior to marriage, the quality and quantity of it while dating or living together is by no means an accurate predictor of those same aspects after marriage. Many marriages, MANY, crash and burn because of dramatic changes in the quality and frequency of sex at some point after the nuptuals.

I hate to say this, but marriage is a gamble that is mitigated only to a degree by getting to know somebody. People change, some quite rapidly, and the person and experience you get to know may not be the person and experience you end up with. There is no subsitute for paying attention. Sometimes the silence between sentences and the inactivity between experiences speak more loudly when dating. And to make things even worse, we fall in love and stop seeing and hearing at all....eeewwwwww!

God be with us all and help us to PAY ATTENTION!
Tony, you are absolutely brilliant!
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Old 30th December 2003, 3:02 PM   #15
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I didn't sleep with my husband

My husband and I never had sex before we got married...that's the way I wanted it. He loved me enough to accept it, and marry me any way. Personally, I think that waiting till marriage is the best. It was for us.

If a person won't marry you until they've slept with you, then I feel like they aren't wanting to marry you, but rather wanting to sex you and ditch you...which happened to me twice before I met my husband.
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