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Why can't I liven up my marriage romantically?


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Its coming up on Christmas and I want to rekindle my marriage with my wife. My wife and I have been married for 12 year now. The other night I stayed up composing a poem for her. I finished it the next morning so I could give it to her as a Christmas present. I went out and bought a frame for it so I could rap it for her. Well, she came home and I felt that I should let her read it in stead of having to read it in front of our relatives. Of course she liked the poem but she showed no compassion to wards me. I have to say that I want to have more romance between the two of us. Anyhow the next day I went out to buy her a Christmas gift. I got a romantic idea and decided to make her a gift. The gift is to accent the poem that I rote her and so I bought some empty vases and made sea shell candle holders out of them. Again she came home as I was finishing the gifts. So I said to her that these are going to be her Christmas presents from me to her. If I had a digital camera I would take a picture and share it with whom so ever reads this. Again she the candle holders are very nice and accent everything else. To morrow I am going to finish making an in cent holder out of very tiny sea shells and craft sand. to finish the gift set. My brothers wife came over with her kids for something and she noticed the poem that I rote to my wife and asked if she could read it. Very hesitantly I let her read the poem. While she was reading the poem she started to cry. She asked me what my wifes response was after her read the poem. I told her that she did not get emotional and I had to explain one part of the poem to her. Anyhow my wife did not show any compassion to wards me as much as a kiss hug or compassion to wards me. so I leaves me to assume that she did not like what I made her. The thing that upsets me is I tried to have a romantic evening and tell her what she means to me. I feel lonely and confused toward romance. Any comment would be appreciated thanks.

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Did she used to be affectionate? You should communicate to her that you feel that she's changed, and see how she responds. Be direct, don't let her think that she's not involved.

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She is affectionate when she wants to. Which is rare but that is very rare. I have to approach her. Our communication has always been open to each other.

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Our communication has always been open to each other.

 

If that's true, why can't you communicate how you feel about this?

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When was the last time you two really communicated about anything? Has she started being stand-offish all of a sudden ~ or have you noticed it for awhile? just curious.

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DerangedAngel

Hmmm, I have to wonder how long she has been acting this way. But if you *are* able to communicate, and have worked through problems in the past, I am also confused as to why you're having trouble now, unless you feel she has done some kind of turn-around. I guess if anyone is going to be able to offer more advice here, we will have to know what is going on in more detail. (i.e. how long it's been this way, how you try talking to her about this, any other recent problems in your marriage you haven't mentioned)

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After 12 years of marriage.....the sparks can certainly die down to an ember! It sounds like you are trying to work at it....but she is no longer interested. Is there something which has happened in these 12 years which have caused her to doubt you and your feelings? I can't imagine a woman not being pleased with a poem and a handmade gift from a ANY guy, even after 12 years of being together......unless an event or series of events have caused her to feel your romantic gesture is too little too late.

 

If you can't talk it over, see a marriage counselor. There is definitely a reason.....

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Kevin,

Is she upset about something? Those sound like the most wonderful, touching, heartfelt gifts. I cannot imagine why she'd be so distant. Sounds like a heart to heart talk might be in order.

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My wife and I had a heartfelt talk and worked things out. I thank you all for the comments and concern that you expressed. My wife was upset to wards work and therefore venting her frustrations out on me. I have made arrangements for my wife and I to spend a weekend out of town for a romantic weekend. Once again I have to thank you all for the comments and concerns. Thanks Kevin

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