marriage issues, i need some outside insight

[mar_mar]

Not sure where to go with my marriage. We have been together 12 years, married 7. I hate where we live. When we got married my father in law convinced him that we needed to own a house. He got one without me, so i feel i moved by force. He moved to an area that I am not fond of. Do not feel safe. Do not like the schools in this area.

 

When It came time for our daughter to start school, I really wanted her to go to private school. He didn't want to pay that kind of money, so he got his way and she is in public school. Her second year there now, and i still hate it. I even asked for home school since she is sick all the darn time. But, he doesn't want that. So, shes back in the public school.

 

We talked about moving. Even out of state. For a long time I wasn't sure because of my step son. But, we never see him and its always a fight with his mother to see him. Plus, now that his grandfather passed, his grandma said that he couldn't move until she dies. I would understand better if she wasnt capable of taking care of herself but she is. She goes out every day to bingo and the boats till late at night. She has a son that lives right around the corner too. I feel as though he is always putting her first. he even got my hopes up the last time we went on vacation and talked about moving there. He said were doing it. I came home and started packing. well, thats when grandma said no. So, he changed his mind. Am I being selfish here? All i can say to him is you made a promise to me first..our wedding vows.

 

I feel like i can't even get a compromise out of him with anything. its always his way. On top of all of this its been almost 3 years since his affair over the holidays. i still feel like I and we haven't moved forward much at all.

 

Our sex life is normal for us 2-4 times a week. Not as much since im exhausted this pregnancy. Still in first trimester. Intimacy, what is that? He can't do anything romantic or even make me feel special to him.

 

I just keep thinking, what is so wrong with me that he can't ever compromise with me on anything. Now, I am pg again and having all this crap go on in my marriage. I am supposed to be over the moon right now. But, I am so depressed because I hate where I live, I hate where I send my daughter to school, I hate my marriage. How many times of counceling is enough. Marriage is hard work. I hate that I feel like giving up. But, how can i keep going if everything is always his way. What would you do. Is giving up wrong? Do i just keep sucking it up and deal with it?

[analystfromhell]

If you were separated or divorced how would things improve? Is there enough money for you to move where you want and do what you want? Can you get a job which would mean there is enough money for a private school? How old is the grandma and how long will it be before she dies? Did this start just recently (meaning since you've been in this place) or was it always this way?

[TigerCub]

Either leave him or make peace with the rut that you're in.

 

I'm sorry, but I simply can't understand how people like you make their decisions. This guy hasn't compromised with you for 7 years! Then he cheats on you somewhere in the middle and you have more kids with him.

 

What do you really expect to change? Why would anything change if you keep putting up with his crap and you're still along for the ride? Sure, you voice your opinions and nag a little, but does that change anything?

 

Why would anything change if you just put up with it?

 

Just stop having kids with a person that you hate being married to - more kids don't solve the problem, they just become victims of their parents' terrible choices.