dream2nite Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I'm hoping to get some feedback on other's opinions on how important small talk is in a relationship (marriage.) Isn't that part of intimacy? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Small talk doesn't create intimacy, you have to get past that in order to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 To me small talk= phony. Conversation fillers. IMO, small talk is overated. Touching, holding hands, real talk, sharing life, kids, sex...is intimacy. Not small talk. However, I do think that people have different "love languages". Some people are more verbal. And if you need a lot of verbal communication, and your needs are not being met you can begin to feel neglected. You have to be willing to speak up about your needs, and they have to be willing to listen. Relationships are hard work. Link to post Share on other sites
luvbun80 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I don't think so... smalltalk is for strangers or your girlfriends... Wifey tries to give me the celebrity gossip but it is sooo boring I just can't pay attention to it for more than a few minutes I would say it is most definitely not part of our intimacy. Then again, she also says I never listen to her, so maybe you have a point. Link to post Share on other sites
Tethys Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I would think a marriage with a lot of small talk it one without much depth, but then everyone's different in the way they relate to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
russt Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 To me the small talk is idle chit chat, means nothing, just filler for those moments nothing really else is taking your physical or mental requirements. However, communicating/connecting with deep conversation is maybe not necessarily intimate, but it opens the doorway to emotions and lets intimacy breathe in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I'm hoping to get some feedback on other's opinions on how important small talk is in a relationship (marriage.) Isn't that part of intimacy? I think it is important. I have known couples who didn't small talk, who actually prided themselves on not needing to talk to be close to each other. But what happened was, in not sharing the small talk, they ended up not sharing the big talk too. I like silence with my H. I love that both of us enjoy having lunch out, but we hit the bookstore first and get some books and then read together while we eat. We share what we are reading if its interesting, but its mainly just being together and not having to talk. But we do have alot of small talk as well. And a lot of indepth conversations. We both like to talk, especially to each other because we tend to not exactly share the same sense of humor and wit, but they compliment each other. And I do think that is important. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Small talk doesn't create intimacy. I sure hope not, otherwise I'm getting intimate with several people a day! Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 How are we defining small talk? H and I have a lot of observational conversation (noticing what's happening around us) that becomes laced with jokes and laughter as we comment on the absurdities of life. After the fact, those inside jokes become part of our intimate language with each other, where we can exchange a look or a sound and know exactly what the other is thinking. So I wouldn't say that what we're discussing in those moments is earth-shatteringly important, but what we create from it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dream2nite Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Touching is sooo important, it says so much. Communication is sharing, and just being able to talk about anything is huge. When you have to talk professional all day long, it's so nice when you can come home and just talk about nothing. To me small talk= phony. Conversation fillers. IMO, small talk is overated. Touching, holding hands, real talk, sharing life, kids, sex...is intimacy. Not small talk. However, I do think that people have different "love languages". Some people are more verbal. And if you need a lot of verbal communication, and your needs are not being met you can begin to feel neglected. You have to be willing to speak up about your needs, and they have to be willing to listen. Relationships are hard work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dream2nite Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 You said it in a heart beat. It's the intimate language that you share with someone that brings about the desire for more intimacy in many different ways. How are we defining small talk? H and I have a lot of observational conversation (noticing what's happening around us) that becomes laced with jokes and laughter as we comment on the absurdities of life. After the fact, those inside jokes become part of our intimate language with each other, where we can exchange a look or a sound and know exactly what the other is thinking. So I wouldn't say that what we're discussing in those moments is earth-shatteringly important, but what we create from it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts