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It's possible I might be done


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We'd had a great last 3 weeks and I was beginning to think that just maybe, we were getting over the hump that has defined the relationship from the get-go and moving to more solid ground. At the same time, I had this nagging intuition that this was just another lull before another unpleasant interaction rife with the same dynamics that plagued the relationship from the beginning.

 

And sure enough, the sh*t hit the fan on Easter evening, after a lovely day spent together and with his family. It came out of nowhere with him reacting negatively to some very benign thing I said relating to being happy to have written all the titles down of films whose previews intrigued us both. I reacted to his snappish out-of-the-blue mistrust with shock, hurt, and upset and as usual, he expected the whole thing to just go away with a hasty apology while I sat there baffled and mortified. And as is typical, when I didn't instantly go back to being cheerful and at peace after his apology, he said, "Now you have to go escalating everything as usual." I tried to explain that I felt completely blindsided. Where, I asked, was your mind all this lovely day that you lashed out like that based on something you *thought* you heard me say? He got defensive, as usual, and when I realized that if we kept discussing it then it would only escalate, I said, "Okay, I'm leaving; we can talk about it more tomorrow."

 

That whole sudden unpleasantness led to an epiphany: that while I do appreciate and even love many things about him, his teasing, abrasiveness, irritability, lack of trust, impatience, and negativity pervade everything and are things I just cannot tolerate. He gets annoyed with me the majority of the time; he treats me worse than he treats pure strangers; and the dynamic is just not one I can bear long-term. He'll say he's going to change when he feels he might lose me...but then it's always back to the same thing. Some things have improved, but overall the same dynamic persists that existed in this relationship from the get-go. I feel bad because I have implicitly condoned this behavior by not getting the hell out of the relationship, when in truth nothing about this relationship matches what I'm ultimately looking for in a long-term partnership.

 

I do love his family very much. We are supposed to go to a beautiful national park on a mini-vacation later this week; luckily we haven't booked the hotel yet as I don't want to go with him. I don't want to go because it seems we cannot go 24 hours without some blow up out of nowhere and I just can't tolerate it any longer. He told me today he sees how bad his impatience and irritability are and he recognizes he needs to work on it...but now I have lost my patience and I just want the behavior to stop; I'm not interested in standing by and helping him "work on it." I simply cannot tolerate it and I hate how he treats me.

 

Maybe for another woman, this behavior would just roll off her. I cannot manage to be that woman. And it doesn't seem like he is really going to change, or it seems the change will happen but only very gradually. I obviously am not perfect but his rudeness to me I just find intolerable and without that removed from our relationship dynamic I simply cannot focus on anything else, such as what I contribute to the dynamic. Because frankly, I feel like my biggest "contribution" has been not walking out on him much sooner than now. It seems he's only truly motivated when he feels like he might truly lose me.

 

I'm so frustrated. I have reached my endpoint, I think, and I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing here before I walk away, because it's going to be a miserable ride in this small town.

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It's just so sad. I spent some time when I first woke up this morning looking at the 6 threads I wrote on LS regarding this relationship. Nothing has really changed since the very first thread, written back last April.

 

I toy around with going to couples therapy together, but intuitively I just don't feel this is an issue best worked out TOGETHER, but rather individually--he needs to look at all the ways his uncle's harshness towards him, among other childhood influences, has made him a harsh man in many ways, and I need to look at how I form and articulate and maintain my boundaries.

 

I also get, from recent conversations with him, that he just lacks the maturity to fully understand that promises of change don't cut it anymore, not after a year of those promises with very minimal change. He seems to think it's enough that he acknowledges there's a problem and that awareness alone will lead to a change, and he accuses me of "getting after him" and pushing the point when I suggest books we read together, or suggest counseling.

 

It will be a lonely road for a while. His family, especially his mom, are some of the kindest, most truly GOOD people I have ever met and I feel very blessed that of all the people I have met out here so far, they are by far the best people through and through AND also the people closest to me here. I know his mother especially won't cut me off if we break up, but of course the dynamic will change and there will be a distance between us. I can feel that they all really really love me. It's just--and I have forgotten this over the months of this relationship--I'm not dating them, but him, and sadly he's the weak link. And that's just untenable.

 

Even so, it's hard to give up the possibility that his mom could be my mother-in-law because it's impossible to imagine a better, more genuine, mature, and caring one. She has been consistently wonderful to me since even before I started dating her son. I genuinely love her.

 

It seems like N is too immature to recognize that our relationship involves more than just the two of us, and our hopes--but his family's and my family's hopes, as well, and the bond that his family built with me based on mutual liking and trust.

 

:(

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How exactly did he 'react negatively' to what you said? What did he say/do? I see a lot of details except that in your post, but I do think that is a rather key point you might want to address.

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He spun around in his chair to face me, glared at me, and demanded angrily, "What did you say?" I was watching all the movie previews again and writing down the titles and lead actors and when I was done I exclaimed, "I am the epitome of awesome! These are great movies for us to watch!" He thought I said something along the lines of, "Oh, awesome, I'm sitting here writing down these movie titles and you're over there doing work on your computer." He said he thought he heard that because in his mind he was feeling guilty that he was not sitting on the couch with me but had moved on to some work with me still at his place.

 

It blindsided me because our day together had been absolutely fantastic--very relaxed, calm, peaceful. This is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. He'll feel guilty without any provocation from me, but then CREATE some provocation in his mind and out of nowhere he'll snap at me for having "made" him feel guilty for this or that.

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But before he explained his reasoning, he was very defensive, the more so because he could see that I was confused and upset. When it became clear, in the immediate aftermath of the situation, that things were only going to escalate, I said, "Okay, I'm leaving. We can talk about this tomorrow." And I left his place and went to my car.

 

It was raining. I got into my car and began backing up the driveway. I saw him coming towards me with a container of spinach-artichoke dip his mom had given me and that I'd accidentally forgotten in his refrigerator. I knew from similar previous experiences with him that the dip was merely a pretense of continuing the discussion, and I knew that would be a bad idea. So as he tried to open my locked car door, I shook my head at him and continued backing out of the driveway. Whereupon he hurled the container of dip onto the ground, splattering dip all over the driveway, and stormed back into his apartment.

 

Shortly after I arrived at my apartment, just 5 minutes away from his, he showed up wanting to talk. I relented and a somewhat calmer discussion ensued wherein he explained why he reacted so negatively to what he *thought* I'd said.

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that scene is just to twisted to even try to iron out.

 

you can't change his perception.

 

i'd cut and run so fast.

 

his version of things out of his own guilt isn't something you can alter... it is his basis of the way he operates.

 

accepting that - why would anyone want to stay when their partner twists things to a negative perspective?

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I believe this is beyond your ability to fix, I think maybe a third party need to be involved.

 

I toy around with going to couples therapy together, but intuitively I just don't feel this is an issue best worked out TOGETHER, but rather individually--he needs to look at all the ways his uncle's harshness towards him, among other childhood influences, has made him a harsh man in many ways, and I need to look at how I form and articulate and maintain my boundaries.

 

I have to disagree, from your posts I'd guess couples therapy might just be what you need, a third party moderator to help you talk to eachother!

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I couldn't be bothered with all of that.

 

Wouldn't have let him in to talk at all after his little tantrum. He would have come around to my place and I would be at the cinema enjoying my life. :laugh:

 

This guy is boring, not even remotely interesting.

 

Don't let him wear you down girl. If this carries on, you will end up a dribbling mess.

 

Do something different and let him sort himself out. You are not his mother.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Thank you for the replies. I've been avoiding him since this whole mess unfolded on Sunday night. Yesterday we were on the phone for what seemed like hours, and once again I felt like I was on a crazy train and there was no fixing this, and I was so distressed I could barely concentrate the rest of the day. Since our conversation I've refused to talk with him. He dropped by this morning and I didn't answer the door. He knows how much I hate it when we've had an argument and he drops by--this time under the pretense of returning my skis which were still in his truck after we went skiing on Saturday--and yet he does it anyway.

 

And then, to make things worse, I just one hour ago accepted a summer job at a company owned by one of his childhood friends. He hooked me up with her. Today she introduced me to the staff as, "N's girlfriend," and one of them who also knows him well said, "Oh, he's a great guy." And I had to grin, grit my teeth and say, "Yes, yes he is." To make matters WORSE his youngest sister will probably be working there this summer. In the back of my mind I firmed my resolve and said to myself, "Deal with it, GreenCove. You live in a small town and it's not like breakups don't happen here every day and everyone just has to deal with it. If these people can't handle it, then they can go to hell and I'll just hold my head high." It's not like this is some awesome career job, anyway--just a stop-gap while I learn how to deal with living in a small mountain town during a recession and piece together whatever jobs are available while I research grad schools and plan next steps.

 

But it confuses my resolve, to hear people refer to N. as a "great guy." And it angers me, because to everyone else he IS really nice. It's just to me that he acts like a boorish clod, over and over and over again.

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It feels like no one sees what I see. Except maybe his family, who at least knows he's prone to being irritable. He got all pissy when we went skiing on Saturday with his parents and his mom told me that when he grumbled while riding the chair lift with her, she jokingly said to him, "Hmmm, would you like cheese and crackers with that?" And we both laughed.

 

But I don't think even she is aware of what I experience as the "crazy train" nature of the whole thing. OUt of nowhere, on a holiday no less, he had to act like that, like some paranoid...creep. And his pronouncements that he "has no baggage," or most recently, that he "has no trust issues." That it's ME who has the trust issues. :mad: It's like he's always pushing the responsibility over to me, and I'm convinced that even when he's acknowledging some of the problems with his behavior, deep down he's convinced it's just me being oversensitive. Otherwise he'd cut his sh*t out.

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What happens if you laugh it off? Just thinking about how moody my Hubby can be at times.. it's like every six weeks or so he has a 'man period'. I laugh at him mostly (and give him affection of course) and he comes out of it after a bit.

 

I think he enjoys it! :laugh:

 

Being one to be annoyingly happy nearly all the time I allow him to have his mood thing up to a point. I read somewhere that it has something to do with the moon affecting mood.. or some **** like that.

 

.. But smashing objects is a big no no and if he is unable to see things for what they are .. that's confusing. My Hubby would not dare to blame me. He just has a good moan and gets all moody.

 

Hubby and I don't argue because we are 100% up front with each other, which thinking about it objectively may actually sound like arguing to outsiders. Have you tried not backing away and confronting him with humour? Or just directly, say for example, 'what on earth is up with you again'. Lay down a boundary, 'I don't want you carrying on like this all night, I may as well go out'.. and let him express what's up. If he is carrying on too much, just say, 'yeah, yeah, STFU now, you are boring me'. I don't think he sounds the type to hurt you. I dunno, men can be twats sometimes... as can we.

 

H'mm.. try laughing it off.

 

Just some reflections. I do think that we all have our quirks... but if you have had enough.. you've had enough.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Sounds like he likes creating drama for the attention.

Or: Are there any unresolved issues that cause resentment within him? That could be an explanation why he is looking for reasons to lash out. Something from the past that you brushed off, but he's still feeling it in a negative way?

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sunshinegirl

GC, trust your gut. It seems you are looking for ways to override your deep-seated sense that this isn't working. Trust yourself and respect that deep-seated feeling. It took me years to learn to do that -- I intellectualized my way into staying in two very bad relationships for WAY longer than I should have...with my gut twisting me up in knots every step of the way but me finding reasons to stay.

 

Nothing you have posted about this relationship says "healthy" or even "salvageable" to me... :(

 

(((hugs)))

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whichwayisup

Until he can substain his efforts and continually make the effort to change, thiings are the way they are.

 

It's sad reading your thread, I can see how much you love him, how good things are in the sense of having wonderful and loving inlaws, your lifestyle etc., just a shame that he's stubborn and refuses to see that his attitude is ruining everything.

 

I hope he realizes that he can and should do therapy to work on himself. Maybe instead of ending it completely and walking away -- Tell him your expectations (therapy and working hard/putting effort in to really change himself) and separate for a little while. This doesn't have to be "it" and "over". That is, unless you feel he is incapable of truly changing. It could be he needs to lose you for a while before he wakes up and hits his rock bottom so he can change his ways.

 

Sorry you're hurting, I know this isn't easy.

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I managed to not have to talk with him all day today. He tried calling after he stopped by and I didn't answer the door, and I texted him back that I was very hurt and upset and didn't feel like talking to him today, that I didn't think it would be productive and please respect that I'm trying to do what I feel is right. He texted back that he understood and it made me relax a bit, and he has not bothered me again this evening and that has given me the space necessary to calm down.

 

I'm glad I'm taking some time to cool my heels. I notice I'm getting much better at that--stepping back and calming my emotions so that I can consider a situation more carefully.

 

Whichwayisup, your post made me tear up a bit. It is true that I care for him and there are many core good things about him. Add to that the fact that I feel more at ease with his family than I've felt with a group of people in a long time, and it makes the prospect of ending things a very sad one for sure. He presents such a contradiction of being a truly nice person on the one hand...and then--with me, at least--being so...rude and insensitive so many times when I KNOW he knows better than that.

 

The fact that he's not very self-aware where his emotions are concerned makes it difficult for us to talk honestly about the problems in the relationship; I feel I'm always placed in the role of "nag" and he's always the reluctant "guilty party" and that's because he always reduces our discussion to that, basically not really hearing anything I've said. I also get the sense many times that on some level he is deliberately sabotaging our relationship; I increasingly feel that on some level he WANTS me to end things with him. And I feel that's plain out of my reach to deal with.

 

Sunshinegirl, you are so right. I say this relationship has "confused" me from the beginning, but on some level my intuition has been absolutely clear all along; the "confusion" is my inability to listen to my intuition and act in accordance with what I already know. I feel all at once that I know more than I know and also that I know much less than I think I know.

 

For instance, where do you draw the line with people, especially people whom you KNOW are decent human beings who do care about others? N. as well as his family (mainly his mother) were there for me in a way no one else was since I moved out west from the east coast. N's "there-ness" has been grossly imperfect, yes, but he did help me move from the state capital to this small mountain town 4 hours away; he came over without my asking and hung coat hooks on the back of my front door; he cut down a beautiful Christmas tree from his grandfather's ranch and bought a stand and brought the whole thing over "so that we could have our own tree for Christmas."

 

His heart is in the right place in so many ways...but...(how do I finish this sentence?)...his psyche is a mess?

 

All I know is that at the same time he has been rude to me in so many ways that I just couldn't bear to live with long-term. My tolerance is up. Plenty of men, surely, know better than to act as he does.

 

Eve, thanks much for your thoughts. I have tried to be "cooler" about his insensitivity and abrasiveness...but it's just not me, I've found. It's not just that N. gets into "moods"; it's that when he does get into moods he distinctly takes it out on me via mistrust or teasing or general insensitivity--like gazing at me sullenly from the table when I arrive, smiling, at a restaurant to meet him at a designated time. I find that really childish and unnecessary and totally counterproductive to our being able to have a smooth interaction. That kind of behavior only brings me down. We can all have moods, for sure, but he doesn't seem ever to check himself; it's like he WANTS to pick a tiff with me and it's been like this from the beginning, so I don't think it's attributable to some latent resentment.

 

Whichwayisup, next week I'm going back east for 3 weeks, and I'm thinking of calling for a break, where we don't really talk much during that time, if at all, and we think things over.

 

I feel this, I think, pretty strongly: I don't feel he is mature enough for me, and consequently I don't feel I can rely on him in the way someone should feel able to rely on the person in line to be one's husband or wife. Is that enough of a basis to end things? Is it my conceit to say N is "not mature enough," or is that a valid intuition? I don't mean it unkindly; it's just what I experience, time and time again.

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whichwayisup
Whichwayisup, your post made me tear up a bit. It is true that I care for him and there are many core good things about him. Add to that the fact that I feel more at ease with his family than I've felt with a group of people in a long time, and it makes the prospect of ending things a very sad one for sure. He presents such a contradiction of being a truly nice person on the one hand...and then--with me, at least--being so...rude and insensitive so many times when I KNOW he knows better than that.

 

The fact that he's not very self-aware where his emotions are concerned makes it difficult for us to talk honestly about the problems in the relationship; I feel I'm always placed in the role of "nag" and he's always the reluctant "guilty party" and that's because he always reduces our discussion to that, basically not really hearing anything I've said. I also get the sense many times that on some level he is deliberately sabotaging our relationship; I increasingly feel that on some level he WANTS me to end things with him. And I feel that's plain out of my reach to deal with.

 

You need to tell him exactly this. Maybe write him a letter, sit down beside him while he reads it. Sometimes people "hear" things better and get it when they can read the words rather than have a talk.

 

Hugs..

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whichwayisup
Whichwayisup, next week I'm going back east for 3 weeks, and I'm thinking of calling for a break, where we don't really talk much during that time, if at all, and we think things over.

 

I feel this, I think, pretty strongly: I don't feel he is mature enough for me, and consequently I don't feel I can rely on him in the way someone should feel able to rely on the person in line to be one's husband or wife. Is that enough of a basis to end things? Is it my conceit to say N is "not mature enough," or is that a valid intuition? I don't mean it unkindly; it's just what I experience, time and time again.

 

Take that time for yourself. It's good timing actually..

 

The thing is, if it IS pointed out to him and it sinks in, can he fix himself? Is he willing to go to counselling with you and on his own?

 

I say, lay it all out on the line. Let him prove himself to you (if he does do counselling) and see what happens. If he refuses, well, your answer is how he handles and reacts to this stuff.

 

It is valid, to you. Only you can decide what you can and can't live with.

 

You're very strong and will make the right decision, with or without his input. And, you will still have his family in your life. Though not the same as it is now, I can't see them abandoning you or turning on you.

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That's pretty common. People who met my exH, who didn't KNOW my exH, thought he was a great, charming guy too. Little did they know he was a wife beater behind closed doors.

 

You know what you know. You have to do what is right for you. People know you and have an opinion of you as well. As long as you continue to act with dignity and respect, it'll be okay.

 

I'm a bit conflicted on couple's counseling. You know your situation best, but my thoughts are that if there's that much strife this early on, maybe it's best to walk. But, there again, perhaps giving it the benefit of the doubt and asking him to go might work out for you. I guess the worst that couple happen is he says no, so you have an answer, or he goes and it gets better or not.

 

That's the thing about N. He's not a wifebeater and nor do I think he'd ever evolve into one (though he does have a temper exemplified by his hurling the container of dip into the asphalt). But his antagonisms and irritability have this insinuating, manipulative quality in that while I feel he's unaware he's doing it, he's aware ENOUGH that he doesn't do it with others and in public. This is a big cause of my feeling disregarded and disrespected by him--another untenable feeling in this relationship.

 

Thank you for reminding me that people have an opinion of me, as well as him, and that more people than we think either a) are shrewd enough to recognize what's what or b) really couldn't be bothered to give our personal affairs much thought. It is comforting to remember those things.

 

You are right about the counseling. I think my biggest concern is that he is so much in denial about so many of his issues and motivations, e.g., "I don't have baggage"; "I don't have trust issues"; and most recently, "I know I confessed a few weeks ago that often I feel competitive with you but now that you ask me to elaborate on that I'll tell you first that I never said that and then, when you refuse to buy that, I'll tell you that while I felt it up until a few weeks ago I suddenly don't feel it anymore." How can I sit in counseling with someone so in denial about themselves? :(

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You need to tell him exactly this. Maybe write him a letter, sit down beside him while he reads it. Sometimes people "hear" things better and get it when they can read the words rather than have a talk.

 

Hugs..

 

Thanks, WWIU. (((hugs)))

 

I wish I felt that could work. Maybe I should think about that tactic, writing him a letter. It's just that I feel I'm out of words (another reason why I'm glad he respects that I'm just not ready for us to talk right now). I feel like I have twisted my larynx into a pretzel trying to communicate the ill effect so many of his behaviors have on me, and somehow it just doesn't sink in. I've tried speaking to him calmly and I've tried raising my voice. It seems like he's listening and I believe he is...but then somehow the urgency of the matter doesn't come through. And so now we're here, with me at the precipice, finally, of the maximum of my tolerance levels, genuinely contemplating ending things. I even told him a few times that it's like he's purposefully sabotaging the relationship, and he's denied it every time.

 

Maybe if I still can't find it in me to talk with him tomorrow I'll write him a letter instead.

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PinkInTheLimo

GreenCove, it has been said before: this guy is abusive. Read: "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft, he gives excellent descriptions of the way these guys operate. Now on the question why he is abusive, only he can answer that. There is a good chance the roots lie in his youth and upbringing so his family might not be as nice as you think they are.

You cannot change him. He will change when he feels the need to change but he is not there by a long shot.

 

I know how much it hurts to distance yourself from someone you truly love. But sometimes you have to cut your losses. If you put more time and energy into this, you will only be more and more exhausted while it simply does not seem to affect him.

 

As for the other women who might tolerate his behaviour, I am pretty sure they will have issues.

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PinkInTheLimo
I have to disagree, from your posts I'd guess couples therapy might just be what you need, a third party moderator to help you talk to eachother!

 

Couples therapy is the last thing they need. This guy is abusive, he blows up for no reason at all. That's entirely his problem.

 

It's very typical for abusers to attack you out of the blue. They wait until you let your defense down and then they lash out, knowing that you are at your most vulnerable.

 

GreenCove, I think you reacted very well, distancing yourself from the situation. The way he threw the dip on the ground shows how much agression is in that man. But it is his problem, not yours. I would refuse any further conversation with him, telling him to see a therapist.

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PinkInTheLimo
It feels like no one sees what I see.

 

That's another think which is typical for abusers. They pick out a target. They know very well how to behave around others so these people never see the real person. Trust me, you are seeing the real person.

You know what you should do: tape one of his tantrums and afterwards play it to all those that think he is a great guy.

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sunshinegirl

GC, in some of your posts you seem to be asking if it's "okay" to end things over reasons that you're not sure are "valid". I want to encourage you to jettison all of the "should's" from your thinking - "should I stay with him since he was there for me when I moved?" "should we work through this since he periodically acknowledges that he has a problem?" "should I make this work since he does have some redeeming qualities?" "should I continue in this relationship since it's so judgey of me to call him immature?" "should I stay since I am too sensitive and really should work on that?" "should we spend months or years in therapy since he seems semi-open to it?"

 

The ONLY thing you 'should' be thinking is: "Can I live with this dynamic for the rest of my life?" And also: "Am I happy?"

 

People have left relationships for MUCH LESS than you are facing, and the thing is, ANY set of enduring circumstances that are upsetting, unlikely to change, and make you unhappy in a relationship, are valid ones to flee.

 

You don't owe this man, or his family, a romantic relationship because they've been kind to you in a number of ways. The immediate aftermath will be sad, no doubt about it. But think ahead longer term to the day when you find the right relationship, one that's not filled with struggle, angst, upset, self-doubt and anxiety. Imagine being with someone who appreciates how you think, feel, express yourself, and interact with others. Imagine being with someone who is eager to commit to you, someone healthy who has truly dealt with whatever baggage they have accumulated in their life. Imagine being with someone who doesn't need to change something significant about themselves in order for you to "work" as a couple. It's going to be awesome, GC!! And all I can say with confidence right now is that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will take to meet that right guy for you.

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I will write more later; have to get my snow tires changed out.

 

Pink, I'm going to check out that book from the library.

 

SSG, I think that's what's happening right now: I'm reaching a bottom line that NO, I can't deal with this behavior long-term and NO, I am not happy in this relationship as it currently stands.

 

Just a few minutes ago his mom called. I didn't answer as I am in a bit of a rush to get to the tire place. She left a message asking when N. and I were leaving town for our mini-getaway. She's a very shrewd, intuitive person and will sniff out instantly that something is amiss if I say, "We're not going" or lie and say, "I think we're going to try to go this weekend." That's if she doesn't already know through N. that things are amiss. I don't know how much he tells her...and it's none of my business.

 

It angers me afresh that N. doesn't seem to realize that this roller-coaster ride of a relationship affects his mom and others, too. And I find it all frankly humiliating.

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GC, in some of your posts you seem to be asking if it's "okay" to end things over reasons that you're not sure are "valid". I want to encourage you to jettison all of the "should's" from your thinking - "should I stay with him since he was there for me when I moved?" "should we work through this since he periodically acknowledges that he has a problem?" "should I make this work since he does have some redeeming qualities?" "should I continue in this relationship since it's so judgey of me to call him immature?" "should I stay since I am too sensitive and really should work on that?" "should we spend months or years in therapy since he seems semi-open to it?"

 

The ONLY thing you 'should' be thinking is: "Can I live with this dynamic for the rest of my life?" And also: "Am I happy?"

 

People have left relationships for MUCH LESS than you are facing, and the thing is, ANY set of enduring circumstances that are upsetting, unlikely to change, and make you unhappy in a relationship, are valid ones to flee.

 

You don't owe this man, or his family, a romantic relationship because they've been kind to you in a number of ways. The immediate aftermath will be sad, no doubt about it. But think ahead longer term to the day when you find the right relationship, one that's not filled with struggle, angst, upset, self-doubt and anxiety. Imagine being with someone who appreciates how you think, feel, express yourself, and interact with others. Imagine being with someone who is eager to commit to you, someone healthy who has truly dealt with whatever baggage they have accumulated in their life. Imagine being with someone who doesn't need to change something significant about themselves in order for you to "work" as a couple. It's going to be awesome, GC!! And all I can say with confidence right now is that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will take to meet that right guy for you.

 

Well said.. :):love:

 

Take care,

Eve xxx

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