SouthernCalif Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I know that marriage is not an easy road to go down. There will be ups and downs, but seems like there are mostly downs with very few ups for me in the last few years. My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years now. We have one little boy. Over the past years she's gotten more distant with me, much less intimate with me, and talks far less. When we are going someplace, shes more fixated on texting or playing on her phone than talking to me, and gets upset if I mention that. She openly says that "we dont like each other." I love her still, feel that I'm the same person I was when we were first married, but I must be missing some something. The reason for my post is that I need advice... I'm a person who has a couple close friends and not the type with several so-so friends. I wouldn't mind a boys night out or a girls night out, but to get to go out with some friends is like pulling teeth and I have to practically beg for permission weeks in advance. One of my very close friends is getting married and asked me to be in the party. Of course I told him I would without a second thought.. the wedding however is several states away. I was excited for his wedding and to be be part of it. I spoke to my wife about it, thinking we could go to it and have a fun time. I mentioned that he was having a "no children" policy and that we could ask either her or my parents to watch our 2 year old son. She vetoed that idea and told me i could go alone. So for the past 2 months I've been planning hotel/travel even though its still several months away. She then picked a fight tonight with me, about how upset she is that I would agree to be part of this wedding without asking her first and is hinting that I should back out of the wedding. So with all that long story said.. am i out of line for saying of course to a friend, or should I back out of the wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Hey SC, I'm not married, so not sure how much this is worth...but: - you invited her along, you wanted your parents to watch your son, so that you and your W would have a nice romantic time at this wedding. - she told you to go alone -now she's pissed because you are?!! That's insane I will tell you this though - if you back out of the wedding because she's pulling this crap - she will always do it and expect you to fall back in line! Don't!! She wont have any respect for you and she'll keep playing stupid bulls**t games to manipulate you and push you around. Complete nonsense. Its your friend's wedding - you invited her, she didn't want to go - you go, and you have an awesome time! and what's with this "we don't like each other" crap - I think you have waaaaay bigger problems than the wedding issue - but that's what you asked for opinions on. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 It's harder for some moms to leave little children than it is for others. Most of my friends have left their babies and toddlers somewhere overnight, but I have put my toddler to bed every night of his life so far. While I dream of getting a couple of nights off, he's a difficult sleeper and still has a lot of separation anxiety, so I'm waiting until he's a little bit older. No idea what your own toddler situation is, but maybe your wife is having a hard time because she wants to go away and get out from under things for a while, but she can't bring herself to leave the baby? Anyway, I don't think that's your real issue, here. The real issue is that you NEED to get to the ROOT of what is festering in your marriage, because something is definitely rotten in Denmark. It sounds like your communication with your wife has fallen to a low point and she is resentful about something, maybe has been for a long time. This lone incident is just a symptom, not the whole disease. When is the last time you tried really, really talking to her about your marriage, your dynamics with each other? When is the last time you TOLD her that you loved her, and asked her to tell you what is making her unhappy? After your son is in bed, on a night when you are both not too exhausted, maybe after a glass of wine? How open are both/either of you to the idea of marriage counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I don't think it's about the wedding or even leaving your son wiht your parents. She seems to feel the need to control what you do, maybe because she is insecure. You say that she is emotionally distant and is not affentionate with you anymore. How do YOU interact with her? Do you kiss/hug her? Tell her you love her? I'm not trying to blame you or say that you are causing her behavior, but maybe you have a part in it that you don't even consciously realize? Link to post Share on other sites
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