cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have a son together. We own a house together, own cars together, etc. We have a marriage, essentially, we just never took that walk down the aisle. Neither of us have any desire to have a wedding, we are happy with the life we have. However, I hate referring to him as my boyfriend. I don't feel like the title does him or our relationship justice and any time I meet new people they always wonder if he is my son's father because his title is only "boyfriend". I can't call him husband because we aren't married and we don't have rings. I also can't call him fiance because we aren't engaged and don't plan to be. I don't want to call him my life partner because some people tend to think I'm referring to a woman when I say that. Significant Other is simply too long. I feel like there are so many couples out there nowadays that aren't married, but have children together and are in committed relationships, so we should have our own titles. Anyone else feel this way or have suggestions as to how I should refer to my boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 The boss, the other half, the ball and chain, my lover, my true love, him indoors, him, de facto husband. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I think 'partner' is the most generally accepted term. These days, with so many unmarried people in committed relationships, I don't believe anyone automatically assumes 'same sex partner'. On the contrary, I think most people probably still assume your partner is the opposite sex, just as they do when you say you're married - despite the possibility of it being either. I used to think 'partner' sounded like a business arrangement but, when you think about it, a formal marriage is more of a business arrangement because it's legally documented. A romantic 'partnership' isn't. I call my man my 'partner', even though we're engaged. I don't like the word 'fiance'. I agree that 'boyfriend' sounds a bit funny unless you're very young and not living together. My partner calls me his 'girl' when he refers to me. I don't know if that's a kiwi thing but it makes me laugh - I'm 46 and well past my 'girl' days. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Partner or Boyfriend, because that is what he is. JMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
FlorinP Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Plz help me : http://helpmegetmarried.blogspot.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Partner. [ten ch.] Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 @cliona23, I don't know where you live, but as far as I am aware, even being with someone for a long time, and having their child, doesn't give you any rights, should anything happen to them. You have a child together. You owe it to that child to give him a stable future. In some places, your partner's family may have more rights to his financial interests than you do. They, exercising those rights, would effectively deprive both your son and you of things you may currently believe you're entitled to. Just do a little research. That's all I'm saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Just do a little research. That's all I'm saying. I have done my research, I have taken care of things legally and though your post was probably well intentioned, it was not on topic. That's all I'm saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I call my man my 'partner', even though we're engaged. I don't like the word 'fiance'. I agree that 'boyfriend' sounds a bit funny unless you're very young and not living together. My partner calls me his 'girl' when he refers to me. I don't know if that's a kiwi thing but it makes me laugh - I'm 46 and well past my 'girl' days. Thank you for the input! I agree that boyfriend sounds a bit funny at my age. Thank you for the constructive advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Partner or Boyfriend, because that is what he is. JMHO. Thank you for the input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Partner. [ten ch.] Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 The boss, the other half, the ball and chain, my lover, my true love, him indoors, him, de facto husband. I'm not sure if you meant this a serious post or not. Although I did like 'the other half' I doubt any of the others would work. Its not 1950, so I'm not calling him 'the boss', for example. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 OP, you can call him anything you want, including 'husband'. If you live in a common-law jurisdiction, he might indeed be your common-law husband, just because of time, cohabitation, children and co-mingling of finances. Personally, I wouldn't have any of that without being married legally, but, if I so chose to, I'd have no problem calling the woman my wife. Who cares what other people think about it? Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Maybe "husband" just for convenience, if he doesn't mind. Edited March 31, 2011 by SummersEve Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 OP, you can call him anything you want, including 'husband'. If you live in a common-law jurisdiction, he might indeed be your common-law husband, just because of time, cohabitation, children and co-mingling of finances. Personally, I wouldn't have any of that without being married legally, but, if I so chose to, I'd have no problem calling the woman my wife. Who cares what other people think about it? There is no common-law where I live. I appreciate your advice. Its not that I care what other people think when it comes to calling him husband. I've tried this in the past, but when I have, most often I get asked questions like, "how long have you been married, where was your honeymoon, where is your ring, etc" I then explained that we weren't married and all is fine. The problem was that it sort of made me feel like I was lying. He isn't my husband and the title didn't feel right to me (again, not about what anyone else thinks, its about what I think). As I said, it made me feel like I was lying and I don't like feeling that way. I like to be upfront with people. So, thats why I don't want to call him husband. I'd like a title some where between husband and boyfriend that is appropriate to our situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Maybe "husband" just for convenience, if he doesn't mind. Thank you for the post. Link to post Share on other sites
jodes Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have a son together. We own a house together, own cars together, etc. We have a marriage, essentially, we just never took that walk down the aisle. Neither of us have any desire to have a wedding, we are happy with the life we have. However, I hate referring to him as my boyfriend. I don't feel like the title does him or our relationship justice and any time I meet new people they always wonder if he is my son's father because his title is only "boyfriend". I can't call him husband because we aren't married and we don't have rings. I also can't call him fiance because we aren't engaged and don't plan to be. I don't want to call him my life partner because some people tend to think I'm referring to a woman when I say that. Significant Other is simply too long. I feel like there are so many couples out there nowadays that aren't married, but have children together and are in committed relationships, so we should have our own titles. Anyone else feel this way or have suggestions as to how I should refer to my boyfriend? hi i call mine my partner. i think that boyfriend just sounds too relaxed, like and 15 and 16 year old new realtionship if you get what i mean? when im talking with my friends he gets 'the apple of my eye', 'my dearest' however these are just for laughs i wouldnt introduce him as this to someone i didnt know ha. we use partner Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 hi i call mine my partner. i think that boyfriend just sounds too relaxed, like and 15 and 16 year old new realtionship if you get what i mean? when im talking with my friends he gets 'the apple of my eye', 'my dearest' however these are just for laughs i wouldnt introduce him as this to someone i didnt know ha. we use partner Thank you Jodes! I agree that calling him boyfriend makes me feel like I'm back in high school hehe. I think its cute that you call him 'apple of my eye' and such. I think most people agree that partner is a good choice and I am starting to warm up to it. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have done my research, I have taken care of things legally and though your post was probably well intentioned, it was not on topic. That's all I'm saying. You're absolutely right, and I unreservedly apologise for going O/T and possibly offending. As you say, my post was well-intentioned. I should have elaborated: I refer to my partner as "my husband" because personally, I think 'partner' seems impersonal, and can be misinterpreted. Example #1: I mentioned my partner in discussion once, and after a while, his gender was also mentioned; the person I was speaking to had actually assumed I was referring to a female partner, but was being coy. She was quite taken aback... I didn't mind the error, and took it in my stride, but now I'm more 'precise' to avoid confusion.... Example #2: Discussing retirement age with my pensions adviser, he mentioned that his partner was in the difficult position of having to retire before he was, which would create complications in the handling of finances for them. He elaborated and said "he's not sure whether to take early retirement , and let me carry the financial responsibilities, or whether to delay his retirement and keep working as long as I do". I asked him, as he was wearing a wedding band, whether he and his partner had gained legal recognition by having a Civil Union. he realised my error, and explained he was referring to his professional business partner and co-owner of the Business; he is actually married to a woman, who's a stay-at-home mum. Fortunately, he took it in his stride, but saw how the confusion could arise. He further added, however, that people who remained mere 'partners', rather than cementing their relationship in any legal sense available to them, were creating problems for themselves later on, regardless of gender.... My train of thought when posting the response, by-passed all the above train of thought and went straight for the jugular! I'm so sorry for the diversion! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Thank you Jodes! I agree that calling him boyfriend makes me feel like I'm back in high school hehe. I think its cute that you call him 'apple of my eye' and such. I think most people agree that partner is a good choice and I am starting to warm up to it. Thanks! Strictly on topic: My neighbour calls her husband "my worse half". When people smile in askance, she explains, "Well, he calls me his 'better half', so naturally, it follows that....." and shrugs, smiling.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 You're absolutely right, and I unreservedly apologise for going O/T and possibly offending. As you say, my post was well-intentioned. I should have elaborated: I refer to my partner as "my husband" because personally, I think 'partner' seems impersonal, and can be misinterpreted. Example #1: I mentioned my partner in discussion once, and after a while, his gender was also mentioned; the person I was speaking to had actually assumed I was referring to a female partner, but was being coy. She was quite taken aback... I didn't mind the error, and took it in my stride, but now I'm more 'precise' to avoid confusion.... Example #2: Discussing retirement age with my pensions adviser, he mentioned that his partner was in the difficult position of having to retire before he was, which would create complications in the handling of finances for them. He elaborated and said "he's not sure whether to take early retirement , and let me carry the financial responsibilities, or whether to delay his retirement and keep working as long as I do". I asked him, as he was wearing a wedding band, whether he and his partner had gained legal recognition by having a Civil Union. he realised my error, and explained he was referring to his professional business partner and co-owner of the Business; he is actually married to a woman, who's a stay-at-home mum. Fortunately, he took it in his stride, but saw how the confusion could arise. He further added, however, that people who remained mere 'partners', rather than cementing their relationship in any legal sense available to them, were creating problems for themselves later on, regardless of gender.... My train of thought when posting the response, by-passed all the above train of thought and went straight for the jugular! I'm so sorry for the diversion! Thank you for clearing that up - your earlier post is a lot more clear to me in context with this one. Thank you also for your candid advice. The exact situations you described above are the reasons I hesitate to use the term 'partner'. It seems that no matter what I call him, a lot of explaining or clarification seems to go along with it. Perhaps we should all come up with a new title hehe? Again thank you for clarifying and giving me those examples. It is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliona23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Strictly on topic: My neighbour calls her husband "my worse half". When people smile in askance, she explains, "Well, he calls me his 'better half', so naturally, it follows that....." and shrugs, smiling.... That is too funny! Perhaps I'll use that . . . kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Well Cliona, I guess you could say "husband," and then if they ask questions, just kinda stop them by adding "common-law." Otherwise, the only one I can think of that I don't remember seeing on here already is "fiance." But then there you are again with the questions like people asking you when the wedding is. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 'How long have you been married?' 'We've been together for six years and have a wonderful child. Why do you ask?' Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 That is too funny! Perhaps I'll use that . . . kidding. I know somebody who calls her husband "dick." Link to post Share on other sites
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