mtber75 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 My best friend who I known for over 20 years is in a UNHAPPY marriage with this controlling, fat, lazy and jobless woman. He's constantly trying to please her by buying her new stuff like a car and being with her all the time. Yet when it comes to what he wants to do, he can't do them? I'm serious he doesn't see his own mother anymore because the wife don't want to go see his family? They don't have kids and she doesn't work so really I don't see what the excuses are??? I know its none of my business. But I known the guy for so long he's practically my brother! I hate that he's such a WUSS! At the same time how can I feel sorry for him if he probably knew what he was getting into? He's a very private person so he never complain to me about it! He says he's HAPPY? But clearly from his body language and appearance (he lost a lot of weight since marriage) that he's pretty stressed! Also he essentially warned me against being pressured into marriage? What should I say to him? How should I approach him with this? Link to post Share on other sites
30Years Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I admire your desire to help, but he says he's happy. If he is not willing to acknowledge that there is an issue, any attempts on your part will just be a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I admire your desire to help, but he says he's happy. If he is not willing to acknowledge that there is an issue, any attempts on your part will just be a waste of time. Yes, these would be my thoughts as well. It's possible he really IS unhappy but is too embarrassed or ashamed to admit it. Or he doesn't want to burden you with his problems? Who knows. All you can really do is just support him as a friend and wait for him to ask you for help when he is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Its his marriage, his wife, and his life. I understand your concern but you say yourself that he says he is happy and that he never complains to you. "Yet when it comes to what he wants to do, he can't do them?" Its rare to have a good friend that never complains at all about their marriage, even harmlessly. Given that you have the impression he is not "allowed" to do things ... You might consider that he is just saying that to get out of doing things he doesnt want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtber75 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Its his marriage, his wife, and his life. I understand your concern but you say yourself that he says he is happy and that he never complains to you. "Yet when it comes to what he wants to do, he can't do them?" Its rare to have a good friend that never complains at all about their marriage, even harmlessly. Given that you have the impression he is not "allowed" to do things ... You might consider that he is just saying that to get out of doing things he doesnt want to do. Like I said before, this guy is practically like a brother to me so I know him in and out! He's very quiet and indirect. If he have any problems he won't say it in order to avoid conflict. BTW: His mother hates its that he's married to her. I just probably have to leave this alone and let him decide! But I can't image why he wanted to marry her in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Mind your own business. Believe me, NO ONE can make a man do anything he doesn't want to do. If he wants to see his family, then he will. BTW, what does the wife being fat have to do with anything? And why does it matter that his mother doesn't like her? A lot of women are bitches when it comes to DIL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtber75 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Mind your own business. Believe me, NO ONE can make a man do anything he doesn't want to do. If he wants to see his family, then he will. BTW, what does the wife being fat have to do with anything? And why does it matter that his mother doesn't like her? A lot of women are bitches when it comes to DIL. The few times I got to see him, I didn't mention any of this or wanted to! It's just my concern for him! Since she's overweight, she seems to be sick a lot or at least complains about it. Since my friend is the only one working, he has to pay for all her out of insurance cost medical expense like daily chiropractic sessions or the special diet that she's on??? Not to mention she don't want to work because of she's so sick. You got a point about the in laws:) Link to post Share on other sites
CharlotteCraig Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 In a way you are as bad as his wife. You say the wife interferes in his life and his thoughts and tries to change him. You are doing that too. If he prefers to have an easy life and do what the wife says that is his choice. He could have more backbone and he could answer back or put his foot down, he chooses not to. I SUSPECT that when you say she does not allow him to do things you are mad because you want him to see you more and he says she does not like it. You say this guy is like a brother, well brothers accept each other's faults and just roll with the punches. If you cannot do that then you walk away and find a more compatible brother. Link to post Share on other sites
kuma Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Since my friend is the only one working, he has to pay for all her out of insurance cost medical expense like daily chiropractic sessions or the special diet that she's on??? There's nothing wrong with that. I mean he's supporting his sick wife. Why are you so upset? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I think she's involved with this guy or has been since she knows so much about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtber75 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think she's involved with this guy or has been since she knows so much about him. UH!!! My friend's wife is the reason why I delayed marriage...If you look at her- thick glasses, long hair that reaches to her butt, very pale vampire skin, very fat and unemployed! She's a 2 at best! I think my friend just wants a easy life with a wife that has NO chance of cheating on him! I wouldn't be so mean if she wasn't such a bitch! Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) UH!!! My friend's wife is the reason why I delayed marriage...If you look at her- thick glasses, long hair that reaches to her butt, very pale vampire skin, very fat and unemployed! She's a 2 at best! I think my friend just wants a easy life with a wife that has NO chance of cheating on him! I wouldn't be so mean if she wasn't such a bitch! Believe, me, looks have NOTHING to do with cheating. I have seen some people who most might consider downright HOMELY and yet they found someone to cheat with. Edited February 23, 2011 by DaisyLeigh Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtber75 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Damn right. My wife has ugly ass feet and she cheated for a year. Don't get me wrong...I'll date or commit to unattractive ladies if they have a great personality or a great career (compensate for their looks). But my friend's wife has neither so I'm at a lost? notagame maybe that other dude had a BIGGER foot fetish than you:) Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnal Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Confront him about it and make him justify his marriage. Why? Simple; if the marriage actually is good, this will be easy for him. But if it's not, he might actually see things from a different perspective. I've been in relationships that sucked the life out of me and I know in hindsight that I could have used some 'tough' advice from close friends that knew the real me. Sometimes we all get tired/weak mentally to the point were it's easier to accept defeat and move along with it all because that causes less drama than questioning if we're truly happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I have friends in marriages like this and you can't help them. It is sad to witness but he has to wake up himself. Some men like being controlled as well because then they don't have to do for themselves. Just use it as an example of what not to do and learn from his mistakes. Not saying never get married but make sure you don't end up in a marriage like that. Link to post Share on other sites
deckoff Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I went to an Insight seminar two weeks ago and it helped me confess to my real me the things I want in my life. Made me realize why I am unhappy, and I lot more confident. Why dont you sign your friend for one of these seminars as a gift, that might help him get on with his life I would recommend that. If you really thing he is as close as brother, then you should felt that he is unhappy, so do something, and I think one of these seminars might be a subtle way to help him. But do help him!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pathan Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Marriage is usually recognized by the state, a religious authority, or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction. If recognized by the state, by the religion(s) to which the parties belong or by society in general, the act of marriage changes the personal and social status of the individuals who enter into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtber75 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 I have friends in marriages like this and you can't help them. It is sad to witness but he has to wake up himself. Some men like being controlled as well because then they don't have to do for themselves. Just use it as an example of what not to do and learn from his mistakes. Not saying never get married but make sure you don't end up in a marriage like that. Exactly! Well said. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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