Seamless74 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Anyone else notice how its kinda strange that 3 of the top 5 or so threads on the marriage discussion board are related to open marriages.. Thats quite telling isnt it?? Heres to getting married ... Link to post Share on other sites
Lovinhimlovinher Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Anyone else notice how its kinda strange that 3 of the top 5 or so threads on the marriage discussion board are related to open marriages.. Thats quite telling isnt it?? Heres to getting married ... lol I personal think it is a great idea!! Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Anyone else notice how its kinda strange that 3 of the top 5 or so threads on the marriage discussion board are related to open marriages.. Thats quite telling isnt it?? Heres to getting married ... Yup. Sure is. Funny huh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Meh. Very few people search out relationship forums to talk about how well their relationships are going. At any given time, the top threads in this forum are usually about opening up a marriage sexually, or poor communication in a marriage, or infidelity. Additionally, they're juicy subjects, and get the most hits. However there is usually at least one active thread running somewhere on these boards (in Marriage or Dating) about people in happy, healthy relationships, as well. Some of those are poly, most of them happen to be monogamous. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Truth be told there are few topics on the Marriage & Life Partnership Section.... Unhappy In Marriage, Sexless Marriage, No Longer in Love, Partner no Longer Attractive..... I found this site from a newspaper article talking about sexless marriages and found a great sounding board. Venture out and read a little about dating and added my 2 cents on Infidelity from time to time..... Frankly some posters have disappeared or not here nearly as often and this too changes the dynamics of the board. For instance when talking about spouse's libidos you could be sure many posts would be written by James, Giotto and Mem11363, who maybe lurking but there are few topics of late that they have joined the fray. Many females too who were regular contributors have disappeared and are missed (2Sure, Lizzie60....). I can be sure there will be threads if I whine about lack of sex, what is normal and expectations in a marriage concerning sex.... Been also a while since a female posted about her Husband's lack of sex drive, so I can comment that either the woman has let herself go (anyone else remember the vitriolic back and forth 500+ responses thread about the woman upset her husband was turned off and she admitted to putting on 40-60 lbs) or that he may be gay;). Now we have seen an interesting trend to talk about Open Relationships/Swinging/Polyamory..... The fascination for me is how almost always it has been a female pushing the idea (at least until Donutman) and me (for one) not being able to comprehend the reasoning behind it and how one can function in this type of situation. In actuality it has probably been only 5-6 posts and maybe 6-8 people responding (including the OP and me) keeping them going. Add to that many threads are incoherent, maybe mundane or written by younger posters, the one's where one spouse is going out or playing video games too much who many may not be able to relate with or where the simple solution is divorce.... Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 And each was started by a member who registered in December 2010. Coincidence? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seamless74 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 well that definately explains it then... Link to post Share on other sites
Lovinhimlovinher Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I know for me, personally, I was looking for sites that might help me understand what my husbands girlfriend might be feeling or what her concerns were. I noticed there wasn't very many positive posts out there about living a poly life. I wanted to tell me story for those who do actually enjoy living this life. I have found there are a lot of people who do not agree with the way I live but how boring would the world be if everyone agreed? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovinhimlovinher Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 And each was started by a member who registered in December 2010. Coincidence? I don't think so. lol you make it sound like we all got together and decided to join in the same month and flood the boards with open marriage talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovinhimlovinher Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 In actuality it has probably been only 5-6 posts and maybe 6-8 people responding (including the OP and me) keeping them going. I just want to mention on the thread I stated there were 11 different people on the first 2 pages of a 19 page post. It is nice seeing so many different people sharing their opinions. I know even if I don't agree with someone I do take what they say to heart and think about it. There were even a few questions I got that I hadn't thought of yet. It gave me, my H and his girlfriend things to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 (edited) Or he is cheating. But that can go hand-in-hand with the weight gain. I don't see how anyone can argue that if someone puts on a significant amount of weight that shouldn't diminish their partner's sexual appetite for them. As for being gay, lots of gay men marry women. Those women usually aren't complaining about his lack of a sex drive, because they knew about it before the marriage and usually liked the fact that they didn't have to have sex. Some women lack much of a sex drive themselves and can't have successful relationships with heterosexual men as a consequence. They pair up with gay guys who are trying to suppress their homosexuality usually because of a job or their religion. to forget cheating..... And as for being gay, I certainly think many are sadly hiding under the guise of marriage their homosexuality. There have been many hear posting about their spouse's lack of sex drive and they all claim they are straight, but the proof is in their lack of action....... Edited December 31, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic Link to post Share on other sites
Donutman Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I think rather than spending a lot of time pondering why there are so many postings on open marriages more people aren't discussing the statistics of regular marriages. The latest I've read is over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and by far the leading cause of divorce is infidelity... (I believe money issues was number 2 but infidelity was far higher) also...I believe it is somewhere around 70 percent or higher of men have admitted to having an affair at least once during their marriages and somewhere around 50 percent of women have admitted the same thing now,keep in mind during surveys not everyone is going to be honest so I would guess that those numbers are probably even higher if my statistics are off and someone out there has more accurate numbers please feel free to post them my point in bringing this up is that I believe it is not human nature to be with one partner and one partner only for 40 or 50 or 60 years. Yes,it can be done but it is not what human nature is geared towards. Most people if they are honest will admit they have lust for people other than their spouse. Chances are they would not want to leave their spouse for the other person because when you get married you probably love the person very much for a reason...but love and lust are two very different things...you can lust over someone that you absolutely would never want to spend a week with I believe that in this day and age the majority of people enter into marriage with the mindset of "I love this person,I intend to spend the rest of my life with this person,they had better only have sex with me,and I will only have sex with them BUT if they piss me off I'm going straight to a lawyer and getting a divorce" that is why you find people married 2 or 3 or 4 times sure,they are monogamous each time but if the marriage only lasts a year or 2 aren't they really doing more harm than good? I think more people are beginning to wonder if marriage has to be so rigidly designed... in biblical times men had 5 or 6 sometimes 10 or more wives...this was authorized by the church and the community and it was not considered a sin...also,those men who had numerous wives also still felt the need to seek out prostitutes can we honestly believe that while all this was going on the wives didn't also seek out a fair amount of pleasure? In those days it was very unfair as women were thought of as property,a man could sleep with as many women as they wanted and it was okay,but a woman was allowed only one man,if she did more than that she was put to death...it was a property law and not a moral law I for one,am glad that attitudes are changing and in my opinion if everyone was completely honest it would save so many marriages just one final thought... if you separated all the marriages in the world into two groups,one group was strictly 100 percent monogamous,no exceptions ever and the second group were more open,what I mean is if someone was attracted to someone else in a strictly physical sense,they talked it over with their spouse and either the spouse could say 'no permission' or 'go ahead but just this once' or 'go ahead but I'd like to watch or participate' which group do you suppose would have the highest infidelity rate? If there was no cheating,I believe divorce would almost be extinct if you can have your cake and eat it too without someone's feelings being hurt,then why not? just my 5 cents worth take care, Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 lol you make it sound like we all got together and decided to join in the same month and flood the boards with open marriage talk. Actually I googled a subject a couple of weeks ago and one of the first page hits was either Don Juan or Cassanova or something like that message board and the topic was the girly men on Loveshack.org. It doesn't take an internet PHD, just 10 years of being on various message boards to see what is happening. Its not planned, but it is like the homegrown terrorist who decides to join the Jihad without contacting Osama Bin Laden for permission. It happens on boards of many subjects but mostly to political, religious and personal relationship BBS's. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Or at least I do.... You are obsessing over having an "Open Relationship"..... I wish you the best of luck and hope it is everything you imagine it to be....... Link to post Share on other sites
dont-be-naive Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Anyone else notice how its kinda strange that 3 of the top 5 or so threads on the marriage discussion board are related to open marriages.. Thats quite telling isnt it?? Heres to getting married ... I especially like the threads started by people who are in an open marriage because they love being able to have sex with a variety of different people, but then they got jealous and considered it betrayal when their spouse simply adhered to the open marrige arrangement and is getting their variety also. I get a good chuckle out of those. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think that one guy who shares his wife (a thread from this past year; I can't remember its title or the poster's name) probably didn't find much help here. Perhaps he found some other site? Maybe he mentioned it there and now some of it's members came here to share with us less open people? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think that one guy who shares his wife (a thread from this past year; I can't remember its title or the poster's name) probably didn't find much help here. Perhaps he found some other site? Maybe he mentioned it there and now some of it's members came here to share with us less open people? Was it Vodkafan? He's on polyamory.com now. Link to post Share on other sites
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