jalexy Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 so do tell me, how do you not get sick of one another? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 ...Spend time doing your own thing. Even if it means that one of you is sitting in front of the computer/TV while the other is out in the garden. Or take cooking classes. Or painting/drawing/photography classes. Or... Do things that you both have interest in TOGETHER. Do something that you've both been interested in but have never had the guts to do...together or separate, like skydiving. (shrug) Just always be sure you have your own time/space/etc. to do things for yourselves. Both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Isn't that why people get married in the first place? So they can spend the rest of their lives with that person? So they can live together and share their lives together? I mean, that's why I got married. When you truly love someone, that's what you WANT. You want to spend everyday with that person. Now, if I had to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with my husband, then, yeah, I am sure we would get on each other's nerves, but I think they key to that is to have your own lives too. I mean, my husband has his job, I have mine plus I go to school, so we have seperate lives outside of our marriage, so we aren't together all the time. But I love being married. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and living together and married now for almost 4 months, and it's been great. I think if you truly love someone, there's no way you can get sick of them. Living with someone else is hard. That's true with anyone - your parents, siblings, friend, boyfriend, husband - anyone you live with. But you just have to find ways to make it work. They are always going to do things that get on your nerves and vice versa, but that's true in any situation where you are sharing your personal space with someone. You just have to find a way to work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 You're supposed to marry somebody whose company you enjoy so much you never get enough of him or her. If you can't find anybody you like that much, don't bother getting married! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 One spends a lot of time on the computer while the other is watching TV or cleaning house, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Originally posted by Nurse_Jamie \ I think if you truly love someone, there's no way you can get sick of them. . ah! wrong! i get sick of my parents and im sure you do too.........and i truly love them!!! i dont know about yall, but me myself, cant stay with someone all the time and not get sick of them. i dotn really care who they are........they can get on your nerves. but yes, i see that being individuals is what makes the relationship! awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
SudieJD Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 I have just the opposite problem. My hubby is an over the road truck driver, who is my world. He's been driving for 6 years now. Until lately, I was OK with being alone. We don't have children and all of our family is in another state. We have been married now for 8 years and I very much love him. But I find that I'm so lonely for him now it hurts. He's on the road for 3 weeks at a time and I'm on my own. I take care of everything around the house and we have an Alaskan Malamute kennel as well. We don't use them for pulling, their our loving pets. We just recently moved (for the second time in 4 years) and I haven't done very well at making new friends here. I attend church every Sunday, hoping that I could meet new people. But it's been a year now and haven't had much luck. We live deep in the woods and the towns around us are very small and far between. Most of the towns are tourist geared and the people in the shops there are not't very friendly due to the rude behavior of most of the visitors, or so I've been told. I wish that people were more trusting and friendlier here, but it doesn't look like that wish will come true. SudieJD Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme You're supposed to marry somebody whose company you enjoy so much you never get enough of him or her. If you can't find anybody you like that much, don't bother getting married! You are kidding right?! No one would get married if that were true - or stay married. That's an impossible standard. Marriage shouldn't be like a surgical procedure to connect two people at the hip! Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted August 24, 2003 Share Posted August 24, 2003 Sudie, I am worried that you are extremely lonely and perhaps could be heading for depression. Being connected with others is a basic human need, and it sounds like that need is not being met for you. Your husband is away for long stretches of time, you are in an isolated location, you are far from family, and have no nearby friends. It sounds like you don't even go out for work, nor do you belong to any kind of social group. My God, you have a lot to be unhappy about. Sounds like you are living a life of solitary confinement, although I am sure you did nothing to deserve this kind of punishment. Your feelings of lonliness are valid, and I think it is time to do something about it. I wish I had the answer for you. All I know is that your life shouldn't be spent so alone, and it doesn't have to be. There ARE solutions, somehow. Is there any way of moving out of your present home, closer to town so that you could connect with people? Could you find a job in town? Get your own set of wheels? Join a group? Your lonely situation sounds intolerable to anyone with basic needs for human connection. I truly hope that you change your situation and start embarking a life with regular human contact. Link to post Share on other sites
SudieJD Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 I do feel pretty isolated at times. Having just bought this new home and moving to be closer to better medical attention for my RA and Severe Osto (among other health problems I won't list here), I don't think I'll be moving again very soon. I've been looking for work and have applied for many positions. I've owned my own business since 1995 (computers) and due to my RA in my hands and fingers, I can no longer do the tech work. I've been searching for an office position due to my background in management and my business degree. But for one reason or another, I haven't been hired. It could be because of the RA or my age (55). This is also a very isolated area and is more tourist oriented than anything. About the only jobs here are cleaning cabins or doing dishes. Even if I wanted to do this kind of work, I couldn't. The RA is hitting me pretty hard in my hips and knees. I've met a few people here, but mainly "Summer" people that visit on weekends and a couple weeks out of the year. Not much of a chance to make friends. The locals are leary of new comers and it takes time to really get to know them and make friends. I do have friends that visit from the area that we moved from and I keep in touch with them. My family and I keep the telephones going and the email, but it's not the same as seeing them. I haven't seen my sisters in over 4 years now. We're very, very close and I miss them like crazy. I'll keep trying, it'll take time...but it seems I've got plenty of that. My dogs (6 Alaskan Malamutes) keep me busy and company. Soon, it will be snowing here and I'll be even busier, if my RA lets me that is. And....I've got you! Thank you Carly! SudieJD Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 How about some getting out for some volunteer work, for a cause that is important to you? Or any kind of social group to join? Housecleaning doesn't sound liek the answer, because you would continue to be lonely. I have heard of studies on people with chronic pain, and they have shown that people who are happier and fulfilled experience less pain for the same conditions than people who are depressed and without social support. They have also found that people with a strong social support network recover faster from illness and surgery. So maybe by forcing yourself out of the house, you could be doing yourself a favor in more ways than one. I see you live in central Minnesota. I spent childhood years in Morris, Minnesota (northeast?). I rememebr miles and miles of wheat fields. Some friends I made at school lived in large farms outside of town. I thought it was really neat and the kids were so lucky, feeding the animals and sititing on the fences watching their dads in the fields -- I remember going to a birthday party where they got out the family's pony to give kids pony rides before we left for home!! But geepers the mothers must have been lonely. On the other hand, at least their husbands were home at night and they usually had lots of kids to keep the farmhouse full of life. Which gets back to your loneliness. I hate to say it, because I realize how expensive it is to move these days, but do you think it's possible that you made a mistake about moving to your current location? I know that moving to a new location is MUCH easier said than done, but can you really see yourself living where you are for very long into the future? Anyway, sounds like things aren't absolutely miserable for you right now. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
SudieJD Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 My hubby and I love our new home. I love living in the woods and all of the wildlife we're able to see. I really don't see us ever leaving our home. As far as volunteering, your right. I have done quite a bit of volunteering in my past. I've worked several crisis lines and have done quite a bit for the Salvation Army at Christmas time. I've also worked as a youth counselor through my church. I know that I should be doing these things now. RA is not just a joint problem, it affects many parts of your body and mind. RA is an immune disease and I've had many infections and fatigue caused by it. I have to lay down at least twice a day to sleep due to the fatigue it causes. It also causes depression, which I'm going through now. I love to garden and be with my dogs, this keeps me pretty busy around the house. I've invited people for coffee, but like I said, most of them are summer people. I've become a member of our local church, in part to meet new people. I've even volunteered my computer knowledge to several people there (I even explained how to delete email to the priest and how to drag and drop to his assistant). Aside from advertising in our local paper, there's not much more that I can do here other than just keep doing what I've been doing and wait. SudieJD Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 Quote quote:Originally posted by moimeme You're supposed to marry somebody whose company you enjoy so much you never get enough of him or her. If you can't find anybody you like that much, don't bother getting married! Quote No one would get married if that were true - or stay married. That's an impossible standard. Marriage shouldn't be like a surgical procedure to connect two people at the hip! I did not say 'joined at the hip'. Of course you do separate things, but you are glad to see each other again and want to spend time together because you enjoy each other. I know - as do you - couples who rarely spend time together; they're in the same house but they don't do things together for fun. I know golf widows who see their husbands for a short while in the evenings. Some people live almost totally separate lives - even take separate vacations. I am a ballroom dancer; there are several married dancers who are always out without their spouses. There are marriages in which the partners don't really enjoy spending time with each other. I also know couples who are each other's favourite companions and, IMHO, the latter is the happier way to be married. I actually surprised myself when I was married - I didn't think I was the type to like to be with someone all the time - but my ex and I had so much fun together and shared so many interests that we joined most clubs together and did stuff like shopping and housework together - because we enjoyed it. He was fun to be around and so the most mundane aspects of life were more enjoyable when we did them together. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 why arent yall together today, im just curious?? Link to post Share on other sites
dalmatianbaby Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 I've been with my husband for 6 years, married for 4 in October. We used to do everything together, we hung out with the same people, ate every meal together...that kind of thing...which was fine--at first. After five years, however, we started to lose interest in each other. Our eyes (not hands or anything else) started wandering and we had nothing to talk about. Finally, we sat up all night just talking about what we wanted out of our life together and what would make us happy. Ultimately, what we came up with was that we both needed some space, lives of our own. We needed our own friends, hobbies, and passtimes. So that's what we did. It was nice not feeling like I was a bad wife for going out for a night with the girls, and he didn't have to feel guilty about going over to his friends' houses to play football, drink beer and hang out. Don't get me wrong, we still spend plenty of time together, and we hang out with each other's friends, but its not a 24/7 type of thing. Now, we just have more to talk about, and when we are away from each other for a night...the return is much more....pleasant !!!!! Hope this helps a bit, Jessi Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 why arent yall together today, im just curious?? As it turned out, we had too much in common. He realize that he likes men, too. I joke that he must have married me for my 'boyish' figure (I was skinny for years) LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 omg!! so wait, you had no idea he was bisexual? he just came out of the closet late? Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 SPEND time with other people.... friends, relatives, etc. Too much time with anyone is not only bothersome.. but quite boring... (in my opinion). Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 28, 2003 Share Posted August 28, 2003 omg!! so wait, you had no idea he was bisexual? he just came out of the closet late? Not bisexual - gay. He didn't know. Never had crushes on anyone - girl or boy - in school. Had a couple of gay thoughts but denied them; didn't want to go there. Had plenty of girlfriends - some quite miffed that he was marrying me. After we were married 6 years, he got a crush on a guy and figured it out, finally. Then you both go back and look at different things as time passed and we realized that we both missed some obvious clues. He actually figured it out six months before he told me but he wanted to stay with me so thought he could maybe ignore being gay. It didn't work, though. I was neither angry nor heartboken - it is what it is. Actually, I just heard today he's going to marry his partner now it's legal here. Want the best part of it all? I introduced them. His new partner was an old university classmate and buddy of mine!!!! Oh, yes, I've had quite the life. Link to post Share on other sites
my_mother's_daughter Posted August 28, 2003 Share Posted August 28, 2003 Shows in your posting. You know I'm a fan!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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