Marriage in trouble, Help me on this one

[country]

Even though it’s been over 3 yrs now I haven’t been able 2 get over my spouse cheating on me. When I found out over 3 yrs ago he had no intention of saying a word. I had 2 find out through another source a woman that he was messing around with. On top of him cheating I found out he cheated with other women as well. When I asked him when was he going 2 tell me he said he didn’t know how he was going 2 tell me because he knew it was wrong. So I said if U knew it was wrong Y didn’t U stop then? 2 this day he still can’t give me an answer 2 that question. We b good if we have sex once every 3 2 4 months. Because of this our sex life has declined in a big way, this is how bad it’s gotten. My spouse lies, has no respect 4 me & can be very selfish when it comes 2 being responsible. He leaves me holding the bag when something has 2 be paid (& I mean that literally). Because he’s so irresponsible & disrespects me it has caused me 2 disrespect him. I don’t cook as much anymore & we don’t even sleep 2gether. He sleeps in the living room on the floor because we have no furniture & I sleep in my bed. He doesn’t make a whole lot of money & every time I ask him 2 help me pay 4 something he tells me this: U know I don’t make a lot of money & U C what I come home with when U C my pay check. Then I’ll say well U can’t squeeze water out of a turnip & leave it alone. It’s as if we’ve gotten comfortable with our sleeping arrangement. He tells me he doesn’t know how much longer he can put up with our sleeping arrangement & us not being intimate. Believe U me I feel the same way but I’m not cheating on him in no way shape, form or fashion. My thing is if U want 2 be intimate with your wife U will take a shower & jump you’re a$$ in the bed with me & do what U have 2 do if U really want it. By him not doing this tells me he’s getting it elsewhere. They say men need 2 ejaculate more than woman do & if this is true well who is he messing around with. I doubt it if he’s jerking off because that’s just not his style. I know he’s having sex with some1 or more that 1 because if he cheated over 3 yrs ago he can still b cheating now. If he wants 2 b intimate with his wife Y doesn’t he go out of his way 2 make it his business 2 get into the bed with me if he really wants 2 have sex with me? I truly believe that he just says he wants 2 have sex just 2 C if I’m messing around on him or not. What do all think???

[carhill]

Get divorced and make sure your lawyer can understand text-speak.

 

If you moved out this weekend, what would happen? Why not just do it and see?

[whichwayisup]

There's no way your marriage is going to survive if he doesn't completely come clean and admit everything, and own up to his selfish choices, show real remorse and put in the effort and time required to fix himself and reconnect with you, do counseling, marriage counseling too.

 

Your H probably hopes you'll just forget it and move on, let it go so he won't have to suffer any consquences, or change his ways.

 

If you are miserable and can't forgive him, can't trust him, how on earth is your marriage going to survive? with resentment and mistrust building daily, things are going to get worse, unless you confront him, lay it all out there and hopefully you two can work together to get things back on track.

 

Talk to him today and tell him how you feel. Tell him that if he isn't willing to work on this, then it's maybe best to separate, talk to lawyers and get divorced.

[turnera]

Your posts would be a lot easier to read if you write with real words, please.

 

As for him, why would you want to stay with someone who puts himself and his needs above yours? That's not love.

[You Go Girl]

make sure your lawyer can understand text-speak.

 

 

haha...I had such a difficult time reading the original post.

 

At this point, what is left in this marriage to lose?

[country]

I'm sorry for all the abbreviations I only did this because my story was very long to read. My letters mean this:

 

Two, To, Too = 2

See = C

You = U

Why = Y

Be = B

Are = R

 

(Are, R) any of (You, U) on Facebook, they use abbreviations all the time. I didn't think it would (Be, B) so hard (Two, To, Too, 2) read sorry...

Edited August 13, 2010 by country

[You Go Girl]

We know what they mean. Some of us appreciate the written language. But that's beside the issues completely...

What is left to lose? What is worth saving? Tell us. Let's get to the *meat* of this marriage.

[turnera]

I'm sorry for all the abbreviations I only did this because my story was very long to read. My letters mean this:

 

Two, To, Too = 2

See = C

You = U

Why = Y

Be = B

Are = R

 

(Are, R) any of (You, U) on Facebook, they use abbreviations all the time. I didn't think it would (Be, B) so hard (Two, To, Too, 2) read sorry...

That's weird. None of the people I talk to on FB write like that. Must be an age thing. Maybe in 10 years we writers will be in big demand, as no one else will be able to do the required writing any more, lol.

 

Anyway, women often end up sticking with a guy just because he's there. Doesn't mean you have to stay if you're not being respected.

[TigerCub]

Whatever you do....don't have any kids with this loser. (if you ever get intimate again).

 

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but I just don't understand why you would even want a relationship to work with someone that lies to you, cheats on you and can't even provide for the both of you.

 

He really doesn't sound like anyone worth the time.

[funnyluv]

Hi Country,

 

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. How long have you guys been together? How long has it been since you've had sex? Have you guys talked about why you're not having sex? Have you tried approaching him? You could cook a nice dinner and try to have an intimate evening together.