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Do all women eventually start resenting their husbands?


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Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

 

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.

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Samantha0905

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.

 

I don't know Woggle. Maybe it is a chemistry thing. Or maybe after so many years it's inevitable in lots of cases. I mean from both sides. I really would prefer not to have devolved into that either. For what it's worth -- and from my personal perspective -- despite the resentment drawn from what I have typed about my husband -- there is a lot of other stuff going on also. I suppose when I came onto this site and started talking about what's wrong with my relationship with my husband, it appeared all I mentioned were the resentments. Well, that's because I was here desperately looking for answers about what is wrong with me or us. However -- there's also a whole lot of good stuff that has happened and currently exists -- with us and with him and with me.

 

I know it's easy to slip into continually focusing on what's wrong. And sometimes relationships just do not work out. There's always something good to be taken away. Sometimes many good things. And I guess -- after a whole lot of work -- love can actually persist if it's there. And sometimes people move on.

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EnigmasMuse

Why isn't your post titled, "Do all people eventually resent their spouses?"

 

This isn't about just about ALL WOMEN.

 

So I think there are SOME PEOPLE who do resent their spouses at some point. I think it depends on what it is. Its something that can be gotten over if worked on and over time, of course they have to want to no longer be resentful.

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I dunno Wog – it's really not a full-time thing, but more situation-related. If he pisses me off, then yeah, I start resenting him and painting revenge fantasies *just to show him* ... then I get over it. Things go back to their normal, good state of being. Same with him: When he's pissy about something, I'm the whipping boy, then we both get over it.

 

those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it – they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.

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omg Wog - you are too damn funny!!!

 

yes, Wog EVERY SINGLE woman on the planet eventually feels this way. ahahahaha, NOT!!!

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whichwayisup

Wogs, need to ask.. Is this leading anywhere? Because starting this thread is only going to feed into your own fears and insecuries, trust issues..

 

Anyway, resenting a spouse isn't gender specific.

 

Depends on what is going on in that couples life, how they interact with one another, if daily nagging happens, miscommunication, feelings dismissed. Not all women are the ones who nag, just FYI. I guess over time, it can just happen as life goes on.

 

My grandparents resented the heck out of eachother, but I tell ya, the day my grandmother died, my grandfather was completely devastated and missed her like crazy.

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Passing resentment is normal and probably unavoidable (it's an emotion with a purpose, like any other), but lingering, festering resentment is totally avoidable. Couples need to communicate--to talk through the small hurts and resentments before they build up into Issues.

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I dunno Wog – it's really not a full-time thing, but more situation-related. If he pisses me off, then yeah, I start resenting him and painting revenge fantasies *just to show him* ... then I get over it. Things go back to their normal, good state of being. Same with him: When he's pissy about something, I'm the whipping boy, then we both get over it.

 

those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it – they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.

 

Did I just type this? I can't believe some of the revenge fantasies I think up and then the next day everything seems to have cooled off and we are back to normal again. I could write a book. I have found the key in my marriage is to know when to let go and when not to. Most of the garbage we bicker and fight about is stupid and it's all about being right and control. I am no pushover and neither is he. It's all about finding balance and let me tell you it's not easy to do sometimes.

 

Lee

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Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

 

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.

 

If a woman resents her husband, it means she has stopped being attracted to him, which means he has stopped behaving like a man. It's pretty simple.

 

A man must always be in the driver's seat. The minute any man cedes control in a marriage, he is cooked.

 

Don't let anyone feed you that "relationships are an equal give and take" horse crap. Women want their men to be MEN. Period.

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Mme. Chaucer
If a woman resents her husband, it means she has stopped being attracted to him, which means he has stopped behaving like a man. It's pretty simple.

 

A man must always be in the driver's seat. The minute any man cedes control in a marriage, he is cooked.

 

Don't let anyone feed you that "relationships are an equal give and take" horse crap. Women want their men to be MEN. Period.

 

Hahaha. I laugh when some of you folks presume to speak for all people. Where did you get such omniscient wisdom?

 

Very foolish.

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Hahaha. I laugh when some of you folks presume to speak for all people. Where did you get such omniscient wisdom?

 

Very foolish.

 

It's the truth. It's sad because I actually prefer an equal partner but a man almost has to be a chauvinist pig if he wants to stay married.

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those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it – they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.

 

I agree. It's one of those senarios of stay focused on how I have been wronged so that I don't have to face my wrong's. Therefore, I am the better person because I only see the fault in others.

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Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

 

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.

 

No they don't, and it is not an inevitable situation. A friend of mine's husband died recently. They had an excellent marriage and were very happy together.

 

If you met that friend of mine, you would probably instantly dislike eachother. She's an extremely tough and professionally successful woman. She would probably fit the criteria you and many other men on this board apply to women in order to dismiss them as hateful, ball-breaking bitches.

 

However, regardless of all that there is absolutely no doubt that she and her husband loved eachother very much. They had a long and successful marriage, and they never took eachother for granted. It was a pleasure to spend time with both of them, because there was always such warmth and affection between them. She's as lost without him, right now, as he would have been without her.

 

I can't imagine how one person manages to encounter as many utterly awful, heartless, rude, spitting, man-hating harpies as you seem to, when going about your daily business. You must just be supremely unlucky in that respect.

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I can't imagine how one person manages to encounter as many utterly awful, heartless, rude, spitting, man-hating harpies as you seem to, when going about your daily business. You must just be supremely unlucky in that respect.

 

I think that every man encounters this but most say nothing about it. Just look at this board and look at the threads from women in the infidelity and OM/OW section. It is enough to make a man want to never commit to a woman ever again. Your friend sounds like a good woman but she is the exception to the rule. For every woman like her there are 500 women like the two women I work who brag about their affairs.

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EnigmasMuse

"It is enough to make a man want to never commit to a woman ever again."

 

And some men shouldn't, or women for that matter. If a person has a crappy attitude about the opposite sex and is always in doubt, then they shouldn't get married.

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I very much doubt EVERY women eventually resent their H...

 

but I started to resent my first ex when he was pressuring me for sex.. when we had those 'never-ending' arguments about 'frequency'... etc..

 

:o

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a man almost has to be a chauvinist pig if he wants to stay married.

not if he's in a healthy relationship – those where one or both parties have a skewed outlook about what comprises a relationship are the ones featured on Jerry Springer's show. Because by and large, sane people seek out healthy relationships, and understand that game-playing is a waste of time, so they don't delve into it.

 

For every woman like her there are 500 women like the two women I work who brag about their affairs. Woggle, you really need to hang out with a better class of women. Not all of them scrape the bottom of the barrel like your two co-workers.

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Toodamnpragmatic

Men are pretty simple. While not every man, 90% are pretty low maintenance and just want to come home to a happy spouse, who will listen to them complain about crap at work. They will assist around the home and do things they don't particularly like if it is asked for in a kind way, they don't feel they are treated in a condescending way and treated like a child.

 

Oh yea, also keep care of yourself and give them sex on a regular basis and they usually melt like puppydogs..... Note this and the first paragraph goes both ways.

 

Many women however have a shorter fuse and build resentment quicker and are easily bothered by little annoyances that accrue over time.

 

It has been stated before and is appropo "Men marry the woman they desire, women marry the men they want them to be", or something to that affect. When they don't become that man, or reach that goal, well so builds the resentment....

 

How's that for stereotyping.... :p

Edited by Toodamnpragmatic
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I think the resentment can happen more likely when there is not God in the marriage. A woman can have expectations of her husband - and when he lets her down, thus the resentment ..

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Many women however have a shorter fuse and build resentment quicker and are easily bothered by little annoyances that accrue over time.

 

I agree that a lot of men are fairly easy to please. My own partner is easy to please :love:

 

I disagree that women have a shorter fuse. If anything, women are the longer suffering sex. That's part of the problem when considering resentment; women suffer in silence, typically bearing the brunt of responsiblity for home and children--often while working outside the home as well. It is easy for me to understand why an overwhelmed woman will grow resentful of her husband if she perceives him to be adding to her workload (keeping him happy) while not equally sharing the workload.

 

Communication is the answer. Communicate early and often! Suffering in silence leads to resentment. Stuffing until you explode appears to be a short fuse.

 

Unfortunately, the direct communication that is assertive in men can be considered bitchy in women. A lot of women and girls are socialized to suffer in silence. And a lot of men aren't open to talking through problems/view it as criticism. So speaking up and resolving issues can be a challenge for women.

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crazycatlady

If men are so wonderful why are most of the BSes here women and not men? Most of the APs are single women meaning its men who are doing the long term cheating. Sure there are some women, but if you look at the numbers here, men are the bigger scum bag then women.

 

Generalizing is useless. Some women are bitches, some men are pricks. I could go on and on about how horrible men are. How many friends I have who left abusive relationships where they were BEATEN. I guess all men are destined to beat their wives. How's that?

 

And screw that men are simplier then women. That might be true for some but hell no is that true for most or all.

 

This is a useless discussion. Woggle might as well be troll.

 

I am an amazing wife to my husband. I also tolerate a heck of a lot more then most women would ever put up with because simply put, I love him. I have periods of resentment sure, who wouldn't though, he slept with my freaking sister! I also resent her too sometimes but I still love them both. And given what's been said on this board, women definately have the greater capacity to forgive and let go then men.

 

CCL

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She's_NotInLove_w/Me

It's very funny that Woggle actually posted this thread thinking that it was a fair assumption.

 

I would guess that the vast majority of spouses (female or male) would come to resent their spouse at some point (if they stay together long enough. I think it's natural.

 

At the same time I would be willing to be there are some marriages where there is such a strong bond and communication that one would actually choose to overcome those feelings as soon as they began to creep into the relationship, almost having the effect of it never happeneing at all.

 

It's really not rocket science like so many make it out to be...

Edited by She's_NotInLove_w/Me
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I think the resentment can happen more likely when there is not God in the marriage. A woman can have expectations of her husband - and when he lets her down, thus the resentment ..

 

Tell that to my grandmother who was a battered spouse at my grandfather's hands. God is everything they live and breath and filter information though. Divorce is not an option because it angers god. Now he has Alzheimers and she has to care for her life long abuser till he dies.

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Citizen Erased

Not all women Woggle but I'd imagine it's inevitable for your wife to start resenting you as your mood appears to get worse with age.

 

I'd think those that have husbands that beat them or cheat or are in general pigs that think women are their own personal slaves would eventually start resenting their husbands. Which I doubt even Woggle could disagree with. :rolleyes: I have enough faith in humankind that women with good relationships with good men would have no reason to resent anyone.

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blind_otter
Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

 

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.

 

No Woggle.

 

"ALL WOMEN" don't do anything. Some women do some thing, some women do other things, but "All women" do not behave the same way.

 

I think this has been stated several times. I hate to be nitpicky about semantics, but maybe you would get better answers if you were more thoughtful about how you presented your questions.

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