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Being taken advantage of??

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Old 25th June 2003, 4:21 PM   #1
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Post Being taken advantage of??


I have been married for 2 years -- in those to years my husband has been out of work for 10 months (not consecutively). He quits jobs with out having another or gets fired. I make a decent living but not enough to pay mortgages, car notes, student loans, credit cards etc....etc.... Needless to say my credit has suffered and we don't have $100.00 in our bank account at any given point. I have tried talking/ arguing everything to make him understand this is not the life I want for myself or us for that matter but it always turns into a full blown battle.

I am tired of going to work everyday while he sits at home on the computer or watches TV. He does outside yard work but doesn't lift a finger inside (put a dish in the dishwasher) sweep or mop the floors. I think I've done enough reasoning / begging/ and arguing to make him see as a man he is supposed to contribute to the household bills. Any suggestions on getting my "LAZY" husband to get a job or for me to stop being a "doormat"

I feel that I am being taken advantage of and I don't know how to stop it short of telling him I want a divorce.
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Old 25th June 2003, 4:25 PM   #2
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Short of leaving him there may be nothing you can do. Did you not know he was this way before you married him?

Right now, we're in a bit of a depression. Jobs are hard to find, although I don't understand why he keeps quitting jobs.

Before you leave him, find out if he is suffering from depression or some other psychological disorder. If this is behavior that is new for him, it could very well be due to some medical or psychological problem he may be unaware of. These things can be treated.
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Old 26th June 2003, 5:59 PM   #3
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Like Tony said, is this a new behavior? Did he job-hop before you got married? It sounds like there may be a depression problem or maybe a learning disability or lack of self-confidence, or any number of other things that could be wrong with him.

My husband hasn't worked in over 7 years. I just got laid off a couple months ago and am working a contract job with no benefits (July 4 I have to take off and I don't get paid for it, for example)

My husband, besides a physical disability that limits the manual or physical labor he can do (including standing or sitting for long periods of time) also has neural brain damage and a severe learning disability. He's not stupid, and by being taught visually he was able to graduate college with a 4.0 GPA. But he's lost every job he had because he can't read or write well and employers get angry at this. This has contributed to his sense of self-worthlessness. The abuse he survived as a child has left him feeling like a mistake and incapable of doing anything right.

We are overcoming all of this together now - but those years before a diagnosis was made and treatment begun were horrible.

There were two times in our marriage (after diagnosis & treatment, but before he began receiving disability) that he slid back into "laziness" as I felt it to be. Both times I told him to get his butt in gear and get a job - any job - because I was not going to tolerate it anymore and I didn't want to listen to any of his crap about "maybe we should go our separate ways". I told him that he was the only one going anywhere and it was to work. He ended up working for Kroger doing light stocking and cashiering at night. He was able to do everything from his wheelchair. They finally had to let him go because his health got worse. He's somewhat better now (had surgery last year and he should have his second operation this year) but he's on disability now, which isn't much, but it helps.

It could be that your husband has problems too, that are not simple laziness and you need to get him checked out and into some counseling. For better or worse doesn't mean you have to accept the worse part without trying to find out why its worse and what you can do about it.

Good luck.
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