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How many TRULY happy couples do you know?


She's_NotInLove_w/Me

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She's_NotInLove_w/Me

Simple question: How many married couples do you know that you would define as TRULY happily married? ie. they wouldn't change anything about their marriage.

 

I was originally going to limit it to couples married for a certain amount of time or longer... but I will just say to exclude those still in those "honeymoon," years in the beginning...

 

For me the number is simple; I can only think of 'maybe' 1 couple who is TRULY happy...

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i know one married couple that is truly happy and one couple that may be truly happy. the rest are either ambivalent or hate each other

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She's_NotInLove_w/Me

Elaborate with how long they have been married also.

 

The one couple I think is happy has been married for 11 years...

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I know three. When I say "know", I mean that I'm close enough to them to know how they generally feel about their partners. At the moment, I know of only couple that I think is going to fail in a couple of years.

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i know one married couple that is truly happy and one couple that may be truly happy. the rest are either ambivalent or hate each other

 

So why do people bust their butts to find a situation that will enable them to be ambivalent or to hate each other the rest of their lives?

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Nothing is every perfect, but that doesn't mean a couple can't be happy.

 

Let see, My parents (40 years and man they still can't keep their hands off of each other), my grandparents (though down to just one) both sets when they were together were truly happy - in fact right before my grandmother passed away there is a picture of the two of them looking into each other's eyes. OMG its so powerful. The love shared between them is simply awe inspiring. At least two of my closest friends are happy, one is bouncing back and forth, but the love is there between them, its just a rocky spot right now.

 

These are all people who I know enough about them to say Yes to knowing they are Happily married. All marriages over 10 years.

 

And I would include us in this, even with our problems. A problem free marriage doesn't mean you are happy. I think it means you don't notice the other person.

 

CCL

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So why do people bust their butts to find a situation that will enable them to be ambivalent or to hate each other the rest of their lives?

i don't know

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Citizen Erased
So why do people bust their butts to find a situation that will enable them to be ambivalent or to hate each other the rest of their lives?

Just because (almost) everyone we know married is miserable doesn't mean we personally will be. :p

 

I'm probably deluding myself on that one.

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OP, happiness is not a perpetual state. That is true in any relationship--romantic, familial, platonic, whatever. If two people are together long enough, they'll go through the whole gamit of affection and resentment, joy and anger, understanding and bewilderment. People who expect to be "happy" all the time are setting the bar way too high.

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Not one. It is very sad. I myself included in this unhappiness. There is always hope though. Maybe one day me and my H will be TRULY happy again, we were at one time. As far as my friends almost every single one is going through a D.

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People who expect to be "happy" all the time are setting the bar way too high.

 

Bingo. The happiest people I know, are those who understand that "happiness" has nothing to do with it.

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OP, happiness is not a perpetual state. That is true in any relationship--romantic, familial, platonic, whatever. If two people are together long enough, they'll go through the whole gamit of affection and resentment, joy and anger, understanding and bewilderment. People who expect to be "happy" all the time are setting the bar way too high.

 

Very well put!

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She's_NotInLove_w/Me
OP, happiness is not a perpetual state. That is true in any relationship--romantic, familial, platonic, whatever. If two people are together long enough, they'll go through the whole gamit of affection and resentment, joy and anger, understanding and bewilderment. People who expect to be "happy" all the time are setting the bar way too high.

 

Totally correct...

 

I guess I just was referencing my own parents and my wife's parents (both together for over 40 years) thinking I don't want to end up like them, and it seems that most couple who have been together for along time are just not something I would like my own marriage to become... there is no model marriage for me and my wife to aspire to...

 

Even the so called 'happy' couple I know is younger than us by several years...

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Bingo. The happiest people I know, are those who understand that "happiness" has nothing to do with it.

 

I don't understand. Nothing to do with - what? Can you explain this? And is this really the secret - not to expect happiness out of life, or the one you're married to???

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She's_NotInLove_w/Me
I don't understand. Nothing to do with - what? Can you explain this? And is this really the secret - not to expect happiness out of life, or the one you're married to???

 

In my opinion, first and foremost to understand that happiness is not a constant state of anything (especially not a marriage). Happiness is not something that your spouse can give you, it comes from within. It's more of a factor of taking what you've got and working with it. Like you said, expectations...

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Simple question: How many married couples do you know that you would define as TRULY happily married? ie. they wouldn't change anything about their marriage.

 

I was originally going to limit it to couples married for a certain amount of time or longer... but I will just say to exclude those still in those "honeymoon," years in the beginning...

 

For me the number is simple; I can only think of 'maybe' 1 couple who is TRULY happy...

 

 

I'm not sure it IS that simple a question, or maybe I question your definition. Are there a few issues my husband and I occasionally circle around and argue about? Yes. They're not particularly big dealbreaker issues, and we are committed to working them out together, which requires some introspection, being open to the others' point of view, working at communication. In a perfectly ideal world where I could walk outside and feed Froot Loops to a unicorn while it peed a rainbow on my lawn, I guess those issues would not exist at all and we would be TRULY happy, but I think we're pretty happy in this world too. Every day we tell each other "I love you," and mean it, every day I am glad I married him, (almost) every night we go to sleep touching each other. Yes we are in the first phase of our marriage, technically, but we were partners for years before we tied the knot, living together, raising children together, blending a stepfamily and staying up all night with our own baby. We certainly didn't marry fresh out of a wide-eyed courtship phase.

 

As for other couples...I know several whom I would categorize as very happy, although some are longterm domestic partnerships, straight or gay. Overall, I think: 8 or 9. A good friend of mine is a gay man who has been with his boyfriend for twenty years in a very loving and respectful relationship I've always admired...I don't know if you would categorize them as 'truly happy' people right now, though, since one of them is battling a bad form of cancer, and the other is frantic with worry. My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this spring and they have had some very rough patches over the years but they have fought through them all and come out the other side; they're currently retired together, they spend all their time either over at my house playing with their grandkids, taking art classes and gardening, or traveling the world. My mom still smacks my dad on the a** and I caught them having sex in their hottub recently accidentally (my eyes, my eyes! :eek:), anyway they seem pretty happy to me. 2 of my cousins both seem to be in happy marriages of 15+ years, and I have been told my husband's parents were very loving together until his father died a few years before I met him but since I never saw them together idk if I can count them, it's just hearsay.

 

The rest of my friends' marriages are currently in their first couple of years, mostly without the stressors of kids or else I don't know much about their interior workings so I wouldn't presume to know about them.

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OP, happiness is not a perpetual state. That is true in any relationship--romantic, familial, platonic, whatever. If two people are together long enough, they'll go through the whole gamit of affection and resentment, joy and anger, understanding and bewilderment. People who expect to be "happy" all the time are setting the bar way too high.

 

I agree with this statement. Instead of using the word "happy", maybe this question should be asked.......

 

"How many people would choose the same spouse, if given the opportunity to go back and do it all over again"

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I agree with this statement. Instead of using the word "happy", maybe this question should be asked.......

 

"How many people would choose the same spouse, if given the opportunity to go back and do it all over again"

 

 

YES YES YES I would choose the same spouse again and again and again. :love: Even knowing the pain would come, the good is so worth it. And as that qualification, I know a fair number of couples like that. All over the 10 year mark.

 

CCL

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I'm trying to think of one couple who is truly happy... humm,... it's hard.. but I can think of a few that are 'quite' happy... two that come to mind have been together for over 20 yrs.. (friends) another one 11 years (my daughter and her bf)..

 

I know many couples who have been married 50+ years.. and they've been miserable most of their lives..

 

Longevity has nothing to do with happiness.. :o

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I know (I do mean personally know) 8 couples for sure that are happy; and 6 others that, if they are not happy, they are not unhappy enough to vocalize it to me. And these are just the married ones.

 

I included myself in that count. :cool:

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I know (I do mean personally know) 8 couples for sure that are happy; and 6 others that, if they are not happy, they are not unhappy enough to vocalize it to me. And these are just the married ones.

 

I included myself in that count. :cool:

Which reminds me, 'grats on your recent nuptials. What happens in Vegas, doesn't always stay in Vegas! :laugh:

 

And yes, I didn't include myself in the happy couple equation and should have within my original post.

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Which reminds me, 'grats on your recent nuptials. What happens in Vegas, doesn't always stay in Vegas! :laugh:

 

And yes, I didn't include myself in the happy couple equation and should have within my original post.

 

Thank you lady! It was a blast! :D

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