JaneInVegas Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 My boyfriend likes the house around 65 degrees. I mean, he doesn't sacrifice the temperature for the sake of saving on heating costs, or in the name of global warming, he actually LIKES it around 65 degrees. Meanwhile, I'm freezing my butt off. If I nudge it even a little towards 70 he starts screaming about how he 'can't stand it' and he 'can't breathe'. My comfort zone is around 75. I think 70 is too chilly, but I'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of getting along. But I get sick and tired of him bitching about how he can't breathe, and I'm really tired of playing tug of war over the thermostat. In the summer he doesn't like to run the air conditioner, I guess because of how much it costs here in the desert, I don't know, but he'll sweat his ass off before he'll make even come close to it being 70. I just don't get it, I don't! Does anyone else have these kind of issues, and if so, did you come up with any creative compromises? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 your bf sounds like a frugal cheap ass to me JiV Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah, he's cheap, otherwise he would keep it at 65 year-round. Would it be possible to get one of those locking thermostat boxes to put over it (like they have in restaurants) and lock his cheap butt out? lol. Or, you could buy a space heater and a window AC, put them in one room of the house, and stay in there. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Oh, too, my H and I have different internal therms, and they have changed over the years. When we first got married, I was always cold and he was always hot. Now he's always cold and I'm always hot. I don't know why, I don't think I'm in menopause yet. He has lost weight, maybe losing that layer of blubber changed his therm. I'm still within 5 lbs of my married weight, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 My boyfriend likes the house around 65 degrees. I mean, he doesn't sacrifice the temperature for the sake of saving on heating costs, or in the name of global warming, he actually LIKES it around 65 degrees. Meanwhile, I'm freezing my butt off. If I nudge it even a little towards 70 he starts screaming about how he 'can't stand it' and he 'can't breathe'. My comfort zone is around 75. I think 70 is too chilly, but I'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of getting along. But I get sick and tired of him bitching about how he can't breathe, and I'm really tired of playing tug of war over the thermostat. In the summer he doesn't like to run the air conditioner, I guess because of how much it costs here in the desert, I don't know, but he'll sweat his ass off before he'll make even come close to it being 70. I just don't get it, I don't! Does anyone else have these kind of issues, and if so, did you come up with any creative compromises? A pullover? Seriously though, when we fight over seemingly meaningless and superficial things, there is usually a deeper underlying cause that is not in anyway connected to the rationalisation for the conflict. For instance; for my wife, I either drive too fast, or too slow, but never just about right. I got pulled over by the police on Christmas Eve, a spot check for Drink Driving, but I was also going a bit fast which gave them reason. My wife looked down her nose and said, "you were going too fast!!". But on the same stretch of road this morning, doing the same speed, I was going too slow, because she was worried she would be late for work. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Is your boyfriend warm Jane? As in can you feel heat radiating off his body? My husband radiates heat and he likes the thermostat set at 66 degrees. I know he's not a "cheap ass" and I literally think he just stays warmer naturally than some people do. He keeps the house way chilly in the summer and it's hot as Hades here. I hate the thermostat set at 66. I've lived with him so long, 70 keeps me comfortable now. I've done a poll amongst my friends and the general consensus is 72 or 73 for comfort. I prefer 70 during the day and about 68 at night (providing I'm wearing warm jammies and sleep socks.) Tell him you're tired of fighting about it and it's 70 degrees or the highway. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 My creative compromise was separate houses and a divorce TBH, I think we both pretty much agreed on temperature. We just disagreed about how that fit into the budget of wants and needs. I can say that, being more efficient without having to deal with her complaints, the power and propane bill here has dropped from an annual average of over 400.00/mo to about 150.00/mo since she left. I think a real good compromise is, for one year, the person who complains the most about the domestic environmental temperature range should pay to have it at the level they desire. Just one year. No other changes. Then, re-examine the budget and philosophy. For example, I remember presenting my stbx with the propane bill for one fill-up, which cost over a thouasand dollars. Here ya go hon. Pay it. Keep that house nice and warm for five months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneInVegas Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Yeah ... so ... this morning I wake up at 5:30 freezing more than usual. I went to check to see how low he had yanked it down this time, and it was off. Completely *OFF* as in he turned the switch completely to the OFF position. And the temperature? It was a mind blowing 52 degrees. What is wrong with him?? What gets me the most is he sits around smug all day with this idiotic grin on his face, telling me what a wonderful day it is and how comfortable he is, sitting there in a t-shirt, while I'm shivering hard enough to jolt the teeth out of my head. When I tell him how cold I am he tells me I'm crazy, that I don't know what I'm talking about. It would be a lot easier for me to accept, I suppose, if he would at least ONCE admit that he's the one that's abnormal! Maybe then we would at least have a base to start with, a place to begin on compromises. It's hard to compromise with a man who lives in 100% comfort with a joyous, idiotic grin on his face, while watching me in misery and not caring one little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 It's hard to compromise with a man who lives in 100% comfort with a joyous, idiotic grin on his face, while watching me in misery and not caring one little bit. you need a new bf JiV Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 We keep the house at 18, 18.5 most of the time, if it goes past 20, the house just gets TOO hot. At bedtime, we put it at 17.5 or if it's really cold, leave it at 18. It's actually healthier for you to NOT to have the heat cranked up so high.. Wear warmer clothes in the house, get heat pad that you can warm up in the microwave, cuddle up with it and a blanket. Wear long johns under your pants.. Anyway, there has to be some sort of compromise between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Completely *OFF* as in he turned the switch completely to the OFF position. And the temperature? It was a mind blowing 52 degrees. Yeah he'll be changing his tune once your pipes freeze and you have pipes exploding inthe walls, causing water damage.. Again, compromise. OR, get a space heater! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 If you do live in Vegas, the temps indicate lack of efficiency in your living quarters; in other words, inadequate insulation in the structure and/or window assemblies. I was gone over the Christmas holiday, turned the furnace off (normally it's at 68) and the temps were in the 30's at night (50's during the day) during the four days I was gone. Got back and the temp was 62. I don't think the cat and the fridge generated that much heat. Your BF, OTOH, is missing a key factor. Once the mass of the home cools off, it takes a lot of heat and a long time to warm it back up. Letting it get to 52 indicated by not running the furnace/heat is actually counterproductive, as the wall and floor surfaces end up colder and you 'feel' colder than the air temperature. Also, absent heat, humidity generally rises, enhancing the feeling of cold, even in a dry area like LV. Offer to pay the heating bill for the next two months and experiment with different temperatures to balance cost versus comfort. I'd have no problem with that BTW, when we were married, my stbx felt 'cold' too and I was willing to maintain 70 (64 at night) degrees during the winter. That was as far as I would bend. Anything further came out of her pocket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneInVegas Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Okay, a few things ... Yes, we live in Vegas (technically Henderson, though) and we live in an apartment. The windows are all single-paned, and obviously, not the greatest of quality. My daughter's room seems to be the coldest, and she complains all the time about freezing at night. So whoever suggested the space heater, I'm thinking I'm going to do that for her room, although he would never stand for such a horrible thing as that in his bedroom! Someone else suggested I should pay for a couple of months worth of heat to experiment. I already do pay for 80% of everything, all he has is unemployment. Even if it was a money issue for him (which it's not) I wouldn't want to make it one myself. This really is an issue of him being 100% comfortable in his 65 degree home while everyone else is freezing and miserable ... while calling us crazy for shivering. I've already done my compromising by agreeing to 70, and it totally infuriates me that he won't compromise by even one flippin degree! Link to post Share on other sites
JustLooking123 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Why are you with a man who clearly does not care about you? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 That was me who suggested it (paying). If you're paying the bill already, and have no issues with the budget handling the increased costs, be comfortable. I had plenty of business troubles during the years I took care of my mom, but the propane tank still got filled and the heater still ran. Basic human comfort and health should be a priority for any man. I'll bet there are plenty of incidental lifestyle adjustments that could be made to be more comfortable. Tell me, has he always been this way, or was it just since becoming unemployed? You said you compromised at 70 and he wants 65, so why is the furnace off and the house 52? To me, that makes no sense. Well, regardless, get some heat for DD, even if an electric space heater. They're cheap and pretty safe. My stbx often used on in the bathroom during the winter. They're also handy to have if/when the furnace fails, which I've had to deal with too. Takes me a couple days to fix it and, in-between, there's the electric heaters, cooktop burners and electric blankets. There's always a way I'm starting to trend to the 'replace the BF' crowd but you know your dynamics best. This might just be a difficult point in an otherwise healthy dynamic, IDK. In any event, it needs dealing with. Hope it works out Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts