thehowells Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This is my second marriage and my wife's third......I was attracted to her from the moment I saw her. We had a short engagement and were planning to marry. 2 Weeks before the wedding she wrote a message to her ex-lover telling how she loves and misses him. She said she was getting married but she could never love anyone like him. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneInVegas Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Well, it's pretty obvious she's reaching out to him at the last minute to see if she can get him back or not before she gets married. Assuming the answer is no, do you really want to be married to her if the next time she asks, his answer is yes? Maybe live with her indefinitely, but consider yourself lucky you found out before the wedding. How did you find out about the letter? Link to post Share on other sites
TinyLee222 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This is my second marriage and my wife's third......I was attracted to her from the moment I saw her. We had a short engagement and were planning to marry. 2 Weeks before the wedding she wrote a message to her ex-lover telling how she loves and misses him. She said she was getting married but she could never love anyone like him. Well the statistics for 2nd and 3rd marriages are terrible. I would thank my lucky stars that I stumbled upon that email before the wedding. Unless you don't mind being number two and always being compared to her ex, I'd run so fast her head would spin.. Sorry this is happening but better now than later. Lee Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I had similar feelings for an ex after we had broken up and I had gotten engaged to someone else a couple of years later...even though I was the one who left him...it was partly about him and partly a subconscious knowledge that I did not truly love the guy I was engaged to... People are human and feel what they feel. I can't say she is a bitch for having those feelings, and I can't really even blame her for trying to move on with you assuming he does not reciprocate her feelings and is not available. It is not that uncommon to quietly pine for "one that got away". It usually subsides over time, you get over it, even if some of those old fond memories return from time to time. I don't think it is right to bust someone for having been rejected by someone they really loved, on the other hand it is not right to cultivate feelings for a lost love when you are about to marry someone else. And it is definitely not right to marry someone you know deep down you aren't ready to truly love. Timing is important. The bottom line is that at this point in time she is not over him well enough to give your marriage any reasonable chance of succeeding. Nobody's fault in the end, but because of the timing, she will probably never to be able to fully invest with you emotionally. It also sounds like she may have gone from R to R, and not spent much time on her own...she'd probably benefit from that...but that does not do you much good. You can take the risk and hope that as time goes by things will be OK, but it sounds like a substantial risk... Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 When is/was the wedding? Did you proceed or cancel it? I would have delayed it indef and then played it by ear. Being with someone who is doing this would make me very edgy. This is my second marriage and my wife's third......I was attracted to her from the moment I saw her. We had a short engagement and were planning to marry. 2 Weeks before the wedding she wrote a message to her ex-lover telling how she loves and misses him. She said she was getting married but she could never love anyone like him. Link to post Share on other sites
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