Softsoul Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 My boyfriend and I have started living together and are getting married soon. We were thinking about whom to invite/not to the wedding. Now, there is a girl-friend of his (at least she used to be). He used to be in love with her, which lasted six months into our relationship. It was very painful for me, since I was already in love with him by that time. She continuously called him, he didn't introduce me to her as his g/f, he would hold his phone for an hour while we were at a dance class just because he knew she would call him... Such things really got to me, and after 6months I told him to stop going for coffees with her and tell her not to call him, otherwise I'm out of the picture. So, he chose me. Btw, she never wanted to date him, but had continued to be "best friends" with him and tease him. Since then, I really can't stand being around her! I want her out of our lives, because this emotional affair of his really hurt. The problem is, she is friends with his friends and they're really closely related. He wanted to invite her to the wedding because of "propriety", but changed his mind because he knew I would be hurt. I don't know, is it okay not to invite her? What shall we say to his friends and to her - they will certainly be asking why she didn't get the invitation. But, this is our wedding right, and only him and me are important? Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful1980 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Hell NO it's not okay to invite her! This is your day and you shouldn't have to worry about her trying to get a dance in with your husband at the reception or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Noooo. You dont invite former affair partners to your wedding. SHE is not a priority in your lives...dont make her one. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 If he's no longer in contact with her and hasn't been for a while, I doubt she'll expect an invitation to the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Exactly, if he isn't in contact with her, then she shouldn't be expecting an invitation. And when she does find out about the wedding and not being invited (Maybe mutual friends will mention it to her casually) she shouldn't be surprised or upset that she wasn't invited. SHE IS NOT a part of your lives, maybe she was his friend, but not anymore. It's best to leave those types of ex's in the past, close the door, and throw away the key. Forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Now, there is a girl-friend of his (at least she used to be). He used to be in love with her, which lasted six months into our relationship. If I'm reading that right, you started dating him while he was still with her...or at least, knowing that he was still in love with her. If the former, then that kind of makes you the 'affair partner'. If the latter, how did you not expect it to be painful for you? Even though it is your wedding day, you and he are not the ONLY important things. Other people will still have all their own feelings and sensitivities on that day. But. I wouldn't invite her. You two don't have to explain your guest list to anyone else. If either of you do feel the need to do that, just say their past history made it uncomfortable for you both. It's the truth, anyway, and I can't imagine that others will not understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Softsoul Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Just to make it clear: I was never the affair partner, I only later found out that he was still in love with her; but they never were a couple. Thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
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