GreyDruid Posted May 17, 2003 Share Posted May 17, 2003 How do I confront my wife about her laziness and sloppy habits? On top of being the only one in the house (just the 2 of us) who vacuums, cleans the bath rooms, does the laundry and the majority of the grocery shopping, I'm also left with all the outside stuff to do....mow the grass, shovel the snow, take the trash to the curb...AAAAGGHHH!!! She will spend hour after hour surfing the net or watching TV; once in a blue moon she'll make a huge Sunday dinner and then act as if it was some major feat of Herculean strength. She dress like a bag-lady in the evening and on weekends... I don't know if I really want to fix this or just get the hell out! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted May 17, 2003 Share Posted May 17, 2003 I'd say get the hell outta Dodge. Chances are she's not going to change. Lazy slobs generally don't. Internet-addicted lazy slobs are even worse. I'm very much like you, and I've lived with a couple guys in the past who were the way your wife is.....and all the talking and communicating and asking them to buck up and pull their weight did nothing. They were simply lazy, selfish, unmotivated and expecting a free ride. I'd say boot her out and let her get her own pig-sty.....or you leave and revel in the fact that you're no longer some lazy slouches personal slave/maid/butler. She's likely not going to change. Was she this way before you married her? Does she work or what does she do all day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreyDruid Posted May 17, 2003 Author Share Posted May 17, 2003 Yea, she works full time as do I. I've often thought about leaving (there's no way she'd give up the house, but she probably doesn't realize she couldn't make the mortgage and the utils and her car...) So I'd expect she'd try to get beaucoup alimony to pay for all that its' gonna take to keep the house.. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted May 17, 2003 Share Posted May 17, 2003 Why would she be entitled to all this alimony? Do you make that much more than she does? I think that sucks when women try to screw their husbands for alimony....I'm talking the ones who have a good job but simply want to strike it rich. When I divorced my hubby, I left his sorry ass with all I had prior to marry him and didn't even fight to get my portion of the equity in our home...I wanted nothing from him, period. (okay, so his death threats were a bit of an influence..threatening that if I tried to get my portion of the equity, he'd harm me...he was charged w/ assault which is why I left him so figured he meant business). I decided I made my way in life before marrying him and I'd do the same after I left his sorry arse......I signed the house title over to him, told him to take a flying leap and I've worked very hard these past 10 yrs and now have much more on my own than we ever had together. Anyway... Why don't you give her a taste of your own medicine for a bit....stop being her maid. Spend the weekend all grubby and unshaven and don't shower.....go work out so you're nice and sweaty and stinky (LOL)......give her a taste of the slobby lifestyle and see how she likes it. Go buy some Grandpa sweat pants (big and sloppy and tacky looking), rip some holes in your best old tshirt and eat lots of garlic and onions and generally just gross her out. Buy some beans and chow down......pass gas at any and every chance you can.....the closer to her you are the better. If she complains, give her the gears. So how long has she been like this? How long have you been married? Again, was she like this before you married her? Link to post Share on other sites
BadMan Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 Originally posted by Just A Girl2 Why would she be entitled to all this alimony? Do you make that much more than she does? I think that sucks when women try to screw their husbands for alimony....I'm talking the ones who have a good job but simply want to strike it rich. When I divorced my hubby, I left his sorry ass with all I had prior to marry him and didn't even fight to get my portion of the equity in our home...I wanted nothing from him, period. (okay, so his death threats were a bit of an influence..threatening that if I tried to get my portion of the equity, he'd harm me...he was charged w/ assault which is why I left him so figured he meant business). I decided I made my way in life before marrying him and I'd do the same after I left his sorry arse......I signed the house title over to him, told him to take a flying leap and I've worked very hard these past 10 yrs and now have much more on my own than we ever had together. Anyway... Why don't you give her a taste of your own medicine for a bit....stop being her maid. Spend the weekend all grubby and unshaven and don't shower.....go work out so you're nice and sweaty and stinky (LOL)......give her a taste of the slobby lifestyle and see how she likes it. Go buy some Grandpa sweat pants (big and sloppy and tacky looking), rip some holes in your best old tshirt and eat lots of garlic and onions and generally just gross her out. Buy some beans and chow down......pass gas at any and every chance you can.....the closer to her you are the better. If she complains, give her the gears. So how long has she been like this? How long have you been married? Again, was she like this before you married her? I like your ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreyDruid Posted May 22, 2003 Author Share Posted May 22, 2003 Had too much to do to reply quicker...same thing again tonite...watered the 5 berry bushes I planted this past weekend, cleaned off winter/storage crud from the deck furniture, put away the laundry, fed the critters....all while keeping an ear/eye on Game 6 of the Senators/Devils game (YEA OTTAWA!!!). Meanwhile she come home, checks email and promptly goes to sleep on the couch.... Feels good to vent, but it would feel even better to get this off my chest to her. Do I explode, rant and rave (Boy, could I), or be Mr. Logical and calmly lay out what has to change for this marriage to go on. Even then, if I have to play warden and keep tabs on this stuff, is it worth it? I'm so ready to go ballistic.... Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 One day when she is at work, hide the TV, and hide the computer. When she gets home and asks where everything went, hand her a mop and say "party time is over"---j/k P.S. I would suggest hiding the couch, but that might be a little hard. Link to post Share on other sites
PharmerG Posted May 24, 2003 Share Posted May 24, 2003 Negotiating housework has got to be one of the hardest things about modern marriage. Have you tried simply talking to her about this? Some people really do just have a higher grunge tolerance than others, and although it's unpleasant for you to have to live with someone who doesn't care about how messy things get, she *might* not have the foggiest clue how much she's pissing you off. It might work to just sit down with her and in a non-accusatory tone, talk about who should do what and how often. Be really specific - you want all clutter picked up at the end of the day (30-minute pickup, or some such.) Or, you would like her to clean the bathrooms twice a week, or whatever. Just go in with a clear understanding of what it is you'd like her to do to make you a happier husband, and remember that this is supposed to fix the problem, not be an excuse for punishment for all her past slovenliness. Also try to remember that the end result isn't likely to conform precisely to how neat you'd like things to be - it'll likely be a compromise, more work than she wants, less than you do. And it might not work smoothly for a while... there could also be an agreed-upon way you can remind her of what she needs to do without making her mad, ("Um... Honey, the trash, remember?") or some kind of negotiated penalty for missing a cleaning. When your desires for a particular lifestyle conflict with your partner's, it's easy to put yourself in a position where you resent them for not wanting what you do enough to work at it as hard as you. My husband would rather eat plain rice or frozen pizza for a week than go to the grocery store for fresh food. I used to get really mad at him because I ran myself ragged trying to do all the housework, cook, shop, and work full-time. Eventually I decided that I needed help and he wasn't willing to give it, so I hired someone to come in twice a month and help with the cleaning. He griped at first about the expense, but when I told him that the alternative was scheduling time for the two of us to do the same thing on the same schedule, he acquiesced. Now, our house is clean (at least on alternate Fridays) and we usually have fresh food to eat. And I'm not half so bitter these days... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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