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My husband and I have decided to try open marriage VS divorce. We have been having problems for several months, gone to counseling but he feels he needs his space. I suggested open marriage with ground rules. I am totally ok with this as I feel if he needs to see what else is out there, let him. We are together 19 yrs, no children. We do love each other. I told him I have no desire to see others but as long as we respect each other, lets see what happens.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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I really have no problem with open marriages, as long as there are no kids, and as long as BOTH of you take precautions for STD's. The one problem I see with it is the whole "ground rules ", thing. You couldn't keep your marriage vows, what makes you think that you can keep to the new rules?

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I can't see the logic in going outside of my marriage to try and fix something that is wrong on the inside of my marriage. To me it seems counter productive. How is an open marriage going to solve the problems you have between you two?

 

If he needs space, why can't he pick up a hobby or go on a camping trip with his buddies? And what about you? Do you need space, or are you just doing this because you feel pressure from him?

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You are opening it up for him to explore but you are not going to? You don't see a problem with that?

 

This is not going to work out well for you I bet. You want commitment but are settling for a piece of the action, is that what you want?

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When one spouse wants an open marriage and other doesn't, it's a disaster in the making. You are on the Titanic, heading straight for the iceberg.

 

I agree with the prior poster who said why look outside the marriage to fix something on the inside. Defies logic.

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Chrome Barracuda
My husband and I have decided to try open marriage VS divorce. We have been having problems for several months, gone to counseling but he feels he needs his space. I suggested open marriage with ground rules. I am totally ok with this as I feel if he needs to see what else is out there, let him. We are together 19 yrs, no children. We do love each other. I told him I have no desire to see others but as long as we respect each other, lets see what happens.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Your making a huge mistake, one that I guarantee will bite you in the azz...

 

One you open yourself up to potential STD's

 

2 illigitimate children.

 

I mean if it aint working out it's because he doesnt want to be married anymore and seriously considering leaving the family anyways' you agreeing to this decision gives him a free pass to do whatever her wants. You really think he's gonna listen to your set of ground rules and abide by them? WTF are you thinking. Listen lady either he gets with the program or he doesnt. MC, IC whatever but you do not fix problems within the marriage by going outside of it!!!

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Tell him you want to do your taxes as married, filing separately. That oughta cook his noodle. Fair is fair. With men, it's always about money and sex ;)

 

Oh, and make him wear a condom :)

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My thought is I personally could never do it. I'd be too jealous - especially since it sounds like he'll be getting some on the side and you won't! :eek:

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Are you talking about swinging as a couple? or are you talking abut going off alone to meet other people?

 

As odd as it may seam, couples involved in the swinging lifestyle normaly have secure, healthy marriages (proof is in the small 5% to 15% divorce ratio). Also they tend leave the lifestyle if marriage issues arise. So I would say that lifestyle is not a good chioce for you two.

Edited by FreezorBurn
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Oh, and make him wear a condom :)

By standing at his side and slipping it on him at the appropriate moment :confused: ? The devil is in the details...

 

Mr. Lucky

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My husband and I have decided to try open marriage VS divorce. We have been having problems for several months, gone to counseling but he feels he needs his space. I suggested open marriage with ground rules. I am totally ok with this as I feel if he needs to see what else is out there, let him. We are together 19 yrs, no children. We do love each other. I told him I have no desire to see others but as long as we respect each other, lets see what happens.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

 

Married 19 yrs? I'm going ro assume here that you're both over 40?

 

I'm going to be direct and blunt, your husband says he wants "space" what this means is that he's grown tired of

looking at your aging face and body and wants to get back out there to see if he can score a fresh faced, tight bodied young chic or 2 or 3. Given that you have no children and he'll leave the marriage without child support obligations chances are excellent that he'll do very well in the dating scene.

 

You proposing a one way open marriage is only going to delay and prolong the inevitable and add a great deal of pain to your life as his conduct and actions will only grow more outrageous with time till he's forced to tell you flat out that he wants a divorce because he finds you repulsive and disgusting to look at and the thought of having sex with you makes him physically ill.

 

I'm in my early 50's, went thru the same exact deal, after several years in which the marriage became totally sexless

I also proposed open marriage, he became enraged, expected that I should be content to remain married (and footing all the bills) while he did as he pleased. His reasoning? us old gals should count ourselves lucky to have a husband, any husband at all and that a woman of menopausal age who still desired sex was a loathsome, disgusting creature.

 

Count yourself lucky that your husband has at least been straight with you in requesting a divorce, I'd say give it 6 months to 1 yr of marital therapy, if he still wants a divorce, grant it to him, move one with your lives and your self-esteem still intact. Don't prolong things to the point that he becomes openly insulting and contemptuous of you and your physical appearance and natural desire for intimacy within a relationship.

 

My ex is now living with a woman 22 yrs younger than himself after bedding countless women he met via craig's list. I've just finished serial testing for the various STD's including HIV. I'm actually lucky that mine stopped being intimate with me fairly early on or who knows what nasty messes I'd have been exposed to, you might not get so lucky.

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Joie de Vivre
My husband and I have decided to try open marriage VS divorce. We have been having problems for several months, gone to counseling but he feels he needs his space. I suggested open marriage with ground rules. I am totally ok with this as I feel if he needs to see what else is out there, let him. We are together 19 yrs, no children. We do love each other. I told him I have no desire to see others but as long as we respect each other, lets see what happens.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

I think it takes a very specific personality and relationship dynamic to be in an open relationship.

 

I wouldn't recommend an open relationship just because the one you are currently in is having several problems. You should talk it through and decide on an open relationship when you are in a more positive light with your relationship. this is because even though you set up all the ground rules perfectly, there's a high chance he might stray and end up wanting a divorce.

 

I would suggest exploring other sexual options...

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