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Rebound Husband, Meal ticket.


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Hey Y'all,

New to the forum, need some opinions.

You see, I am my wife's Rebound Husband. Or better, her meal ticket. How do I know? She told me so. That our relationship is based on how I treat the children. Her Children.

I am stepdad to her children and we have 1 child between us.

During dating and our 1st year, our marriage seem to be going good. We were intimate, went on dates, traveled, she was what I was looking for in a wife. I try really hard to be a good stepdad. Over the years, I would take my stepson to baseball, soccer, discuss life with him, take the girls to band, get their nails done, try to talk about life and raise them with a sense of responsbility. I have provided a good home near good schools, Still, they walk all over me. Rude, disrespectful remarks, etc. crack on me every chance the get. That's because my wife will not let me parent them. She cracks on me too.

When we had our child together, everything changed.

I am the invisible husband. We don't go on dates anymore, no more sex, don't sleep in the same room, don't have any conversation(unless she baits me into a argument)

I still have eyes for her, I paw on her, stroke her ego, buy her flowers for no reason, make dinner, breakfast for her and the family. I ask her out on a date and its no, no! How about a vacation with the family. NO.

Jeesh, I am tired.

I have a kid to raise.

Help.

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Hey Y'all,

New to the forum, need some opinions.

Welcome to the forums.

You see, I am my wife's Rebound Husband. Or better, her meal ticket. How do I know? She told me so. That our relationship is based on how I treat the children. Her Children.
Well, as least she did you the 'favor' of telling you exactly where you stand.

When we had our child together, everything changed.

I am the invisible husband. We don't go on dates anymore, no more sex, don't sleep in the same room, don't have any conversation(unless she baits me into a argument)

You have no relationship. No sex = no relationship. Full stop.

I still have eyes for her, I paw on her, stroke her ego, buy her flowers for no reason, make dinner, breakfast for her and the family. I ask her out on a date and its no, no! How about a vacation with the family. NO.
You already know this, but this is about the worst possible thing you could do.

 

Where are your stones? No disrespect intended, but jeez man... if you can't stand up to her, how can she be expect you to stand up for her?

 

I think you have one chance at this: Insist that you and she go to marriage counselling. It's not something that is to be open for discussion.

 

If she refuses, see a lawyer. Immediately. Like, before the sun goes down.

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Demo -- listen to the veterans around here. Thad is right, and one day you will figure that out. It took me 10 very painful weeks, and guess what? I'm doing exactly what everyone told me to do in the very first night I showed up here. Of course, I did everything else wrong in those first 8 or so weeks...and I made my situation worse.

 

TRUST US. LISTEN TO US.

 

I agree, insist on marriage counseling, and if that doesn't work, get the f*ck outta there ASAP. You will go insane, especially when you find out she is cheating on you because you are so weak.

 

Learn about the relationship 180 (someone post it, I keep forgetting to save the link) and try ti understand that the only way your marriage is salvageable is if you become strong FOR YOURSELF.

 

...and then if it still doesn't work out, you'll never guess who is strong anyway...

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Thanks,

I told myself I would grow a set of b**** this year and I am starting to see them come in.

Big question,

What about my Son??

I know that's the reason I am staying.

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Thanks,

I told myself I would grow a set of b**** this year and I am starting to see them come in.

Big question,

What about my Son??

I know that's the reason I am staying.

You want to raise him in a situation where you get no respect from your wife and step children?

 

Your first step, my friend, is to stop interacting so freely with people that abuse you. Become a little "distant" from them, not cold, but distant, and see if they realize what they are missing. This includes your wife.

 

 

As for raising your son...the best way to raise him is to be a strong person.

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Umbo,

I having been seeing a counselor for over a year. Thinking maybe I am doing something wrong. My wife will not go. She refuses. Says its all my fault. I need to quit arguing with the stepkids, your the adult, walk away. Like when my stepdaughtes tell me I am stupid, or eat funny or crack on me some other way. Tired of being the patsy.

I correct them, and we get into this big arguement and my wife defends the girls.

 

My counselor has come up with this conclusion:

She married me to fund the stepkids. I had no baggage, have a great paying job. Now that she is in the marriage of over 8 years she is pissed off that she married you for that reason of funding the kids and gave you a son to hook you.

My stepson couldn't take it anymore and left to live with his biological father. (The girls get a free pass) We still keep in touch.

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Thanks Sadintexas.

Your Comments/Opinions are exactly why I joined this forum.

I needed a different/fresh direction and ideas to bounce around. My Counselor is getting stale and I am going broke.

Being so Close to situation all I see is the crud and it is hard to think of other ways and solutions.

Thanks again for the input.

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We used to sleep in the same bed up until or biological son was born. After his birth she said I toss and turn too much and that she likes to have the TV on through the night. She never complained about the tossing and turning. We never had the TV on either. It's a Sham. Excuse. Hell, we have a king size bed. We can get a new mattress, or a small tv to set on her night stand.. As far as tossing and turning, she never mentioning that before my son was born, so I am not sure I really do toss and turn. She sleeps in the girls room on the floor. Yeah, how wrong is that!

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Well, hindsight is 20/20, but to me you should have drawn the line in the sand right there. How does a marriage survive, let alone prosper, when one spouse takes off for another bedroom?

 

You're paying the price now for past sins of a lack of resolve. You've never really established boundaries in your marriage so it's not surprising that your W feels she can do whatever she wants. Hope it's not too late...

 

Mr. Lucky

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It is not unusual to have trouble sleeping after a baby is born.

She may just be a b$@ch.

 

However...does she have other symptoms? Because she could have postpartum depression/psychosis.

 

I think you will find you set a better example for your son of not being a doormat. What would happen if you just moved out for a bit?

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Demo..

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

 

Starting TODAY, do the following:

 

- No more flower buying, begging, pawing, trying to get her affection. No more I LOVE YOUs

 

- Become distant (not mean), pull away. Show no interest in your wife. Act like you really want to move on

 

- With the stepkids. First 'crack' they say to you, don't say a word. Walk away. Don't give them a reason to make a smart alec comment. Become distant to them.

 

- If your son has a different attitude then the stepkids, show him love, continue to be a great dad to him.

 

- When you wife tries to lure you into an argument, stop her and let her know that you are no longer interested in all of this. If she pursues tell her you will talk to her when you are ready.

 

- Start doing things for yourself, go out. Stop doing all the chores, stop tolerating their disrespect.

 

- Do this for a couple of weeks. You cannot give in once you start this process.

 

What you are aiming for is to get them to really start to think about what they are doing. By you trying to 'talk' to them about it, is just giving them more fuel to disrespect you more. You are in a parent-child relationship with your wife. It doesn't work. After about a month if you follow my plan, give your wife the option of MC or divorce.

 

Not only show but live confidence. Your self-worth should not be defined by your wife. Let her know in these ways that you have no problem in moving on with your life.

 

What I outlined is probably one of the best ways to show confidence without using fear. Let her know through your actions that she can be replaced very fast and very easily.

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Draw the line in the sand. Tell her, our marriage is broke, we can either try to fix it, or go our seperate ways.

If she doesn't agree to counseling, file for divorce and move out. Take your child with you, leave hers. No one deserves to put up with what she's doing to you.

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I am not a proffessional or do I claim to have knowledge of such complicated issues you are going through. Here is my opinion anyways. When she said the thing about u being a meal ticket it was said out of anger and durring a fight. You can't hinge onto that.

 

As the man of the house I blame you for letting this get out of hand. For god sakes you let her talk you out of sleeping in the same bed. All women will test you whether the woman herself even relizes she is testing you. This woman has many kids and now a young one to take care of. That is a real stress. How could you even give your wife the option of saying no to sex, seriously I relize she is saying no but its at that point you get down to business and you just become blunt.

 

Even if you leave this woman, unless you decide to stop being with women you will confront these same issues again. Your own child will even disrespect you just like the stepchildren.

 

you are not a victum of this woman, you are the one who let this all happen and now things are completly out of control.

 

If it were me I'd just sleep in the bed and let her scream, and tell her we were going to have sex atleast 3 times a week probably 4.

 

I've dealt with your problems on much lesser scales and in my opinion you just need to nip it in the begining. If I were in your situation I wouldn't want to just leave this woman. Your still attracted to her, and really the situation hasn't changed this much. There is no such thing as a rebound husband and what good has your counsler done... things just seem worse for you.

 

follow my advice and demand to sleep in the bed. also demand the sex. finaly and most importantly figure a way to make your wife feel respected and taken care of. Seriously you are a meal ticket also known as the bread winner and there is nothing wrong with that, you just need to figure if you can get rid of your wifes anger toward you.

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Jersey Shortie

I can't even imagine why you still do the things you do for this woman. Please take the advice of the others here. You really need to stand up for yourself in this situation. Don't let your step-children talk to you that way. And if your wife complains? Seriously, too bad. She sounds like a spoiled child. I really hope you come out of this situation on top. But you are going to have to be the one to get the ball moving. And it might take some time. Things aren't going to change in one day.

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If it were me I'd just sleep in the bed and let her scream, and tell her we were going to have sex atleast 3 times a week probably 4.

 

 

 

follow my advice and demand to sleep in the bed. also demand the sex. finaly and most importantly figure a way to make your wife feel respected and taken care of. Seriously you are a meal ticket also known as the bread winner and there is nothing wrong with that, you just need to figure if you can get rid of your wifes anger toward you.

 

 

According to his previous post, he DOES sleep in the bed. He sleeps in their comfortable king-sized bed while she sleeps on the FLOOR in her daughters' room. This speaks volumes to me. Who abandons a king-sized bed in favor of the floor without serious provocation? Maybe I'm biased because I loooove my own king-sized bed, but that sounds completely whackadoo to me. And if a woman were to abandon her marital bed in favor of sleeping with her children, why her older daughters and not the baby? OP, you say this all started with the birth of your son. Has she been evaluated for a hormonal imbalance, post-partum depression?

 

Something just doesn't sound right about this story to me. There has to be more than what we are being told. She doesn't sound like she's coldly and calculatingly using him as a mealticket to me, she sounds like she's terribly, terribly angry. Either she is ill/unbalanced, or something has happened...maybe a specific event, maybe a pattern of behaviors...which the OP either doesn't know about or has chosen not to disclose here. Just my opinion.

 

In any case, I suspect that arrogantly demanding sex 4x a week from a woman so angry with you she'd rather sleep on the floor than be next to you at night is probably not the way to go about making her feel respected and taken care of, or to lessen her anger. And before people start jumping all over me about how important sex is, I agree that it is important and I personally prefer to have it every day and do feel a bit put out when my partner is too stressed or too tired, so I can sympathize (although now that we have a baby of our own, sometimes it is actually me who is too tired, which is a first). I just can't imagine how demanding sex from an already furious woman without ever actually getting to the bottom of the problem is going to do anything other than breed more resentment.

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According to his previous post, he DOES sleep in the bed. He sleeps in their comfortable king-sized bed while she sleeps on the FLOOR in her daughters' room. This speaks volumes to me. Who abandons a king-sized bed in favor of the floor without serious provocation? Maybe I'm biased because I loooove my own king-sized bed, but that sounds completely whackadoo to me. And if a woman were to abandon her marital bed in favor of sleeping with her children, why her older daughters and not the baby? OP, you say this all started with the birth of your son. Has she been evaluated for a hormonal imbalance, post-partum depression?

 

Something just doesn't sound right about this story to me. There has to be more than what we are being told. She doesn't sound like she's coldly and calculatingly using him as a mealticket to me, she sounds like she's terribly, terribly angry. Either she is ill/unbalanced, or something has happened...maybe a specific event, maybe a pattern of behaviors...which the OP either doesn't know about or has chosen not to disclose here. Just my opinion.

 

In any case, I suspect that arrogantly demanding sex 4x a week from a woman so angry with you she'd rather sleep on the floor than be next to you at night is probably not the way to go about making her feel respected and taken care of, or to lessen her anger. And before people start jumping all over me about how important sex is, I agree that it is important and I personally prefer to have it every day and do feel a bit put out when my partner is too stressed or too tired, so I can sympathize (although now that we have a baby of our own, sometimes it is actually me who is too tired, which is a first). I just can't imagine how demanding sex from an already furious woman without ever actually getting to the bottom of the problem is going to do anything other than breed more resentment.

 

Look I've read into this guys problem and inserted myself into it. I think divorcing your wife is stupid. And its silly that when he can just get all the things he wants and make his wife happy he just doesn't do it. I mean short of his wife trying to kill people or cheat on him I think the marriage does have a chance. The meal ticket thing is silly, his wife was obviously mad when she said it... and yeah she has three kids now so food does have to be purchased. Once again there is no such thing as a rebound husband. Finaly demanding sex might actualy turn her on... at a minimum she will probably give in and he will have one less thing to be sad about.

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Woah...Make demands? Especially one that involves the old Wifely Duty? Oh Lordy, not in all my years as a Lady has a man been so barbaric to suggest that a person bow to such a demand. The word controlling comes to mind ....

 

This particular marriage is not going to heal by adding more pressure or demands. Yes, set new guidelines for what is acceptable and tolerable. But demanding persons are usually sitting across one another with lawyers in attendence.

 

Totally agree with the observations that something snapped in the wife to create this change in behavior. Whether she participates in therepy or just decides to move on, as a gent you have a say in the direction too. OPen the lines of communications. Otherwise seek counseling yourself because it really does sound like it affects your well being and peace of mind.

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