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Am I out of line?


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Wife and I are in our early 40's. We have been together since high school (with a couple breakups/reconciliations during HS and college years).

 

She had a PA about 14 years ago (7 years into our marriage) with a colleague during a business trip. She couldn't handle the guilt and confessed immediately. We reconciled and moved on.

 

I believe she has been faithful since that time, however she has a tendency to develop strong crushes or infatuations on other men, to the point of writing a sexual fanatsy story about a co-worker several years ago. How do I know? I have been periodically snooping at her email and online journal accounts for years.

 

About 8 weeks ago I started snooping again because I suspected an affair for various reasons. That turned out to be false. However I discovered she is currently swooning over a 21 year old "adult" volunteer in our DS12's scout troop (she also is active in the troop), and is convinced there is a mutual attraction. This of course makes me very uncomfortable. At the time I confronted her about it (3 weeks ago now), it seemed to me it may be leading to another PA. She says she now realizes how absurd it would be to pursue a relationship with him and risk our marriage, but her journal entries indicate the obsession is still there, although diminishing.

 

Her so-called friends on LiveJournal have bashed me mercilessly for snooping, while very few, if any, confronted her. One in particular even seemed to encourage her to pursue him further. To her credit, my wife has confessed to them her prior PA as an explanation of my snooping and trust issues.

 

Why do I care what they think about me? This is group of women that is more than an online coffee klatch, they are very tight-knit and have even gathered in-person twice. My wife truly considers them friends.

 

Wife recently (this week) changed her LiveJournal password, started clearing the browser cache, and created an AIM account. She does not know however, that I still can see all her incoming email which includes replies to her postings on LiveJournal, but not her actual postings unless they are quoted.

 

So, I guess what I'm asking is, am I over-reacting regarding her latest crush? And is it wrong of me to still be snooping 14 years after D-Day?

 

I need to add that I am not entirely faultless here. Lack of communication throughout our marriage has led to built-up anger and resentment on both our parts. We are working on this and seem to be making progress.

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