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Tips to liven up a boring marriage

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Old 3rd July 2009, 1:54 AM   #1
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Tips to liven up a boring marriage

Does anyone have ideas on how to liven up a marriage that has gotten really ....well.... boring?

I don't know why, but I'm stumped. Been married for 4 years..... nice guy that I pretty much get along with but, geez....i am so bored at this point. He just wants to sit on the couch! I try to get him to go out and do things but, well, he likes to watch him some know what I mean.

I am draggin him on a whitewater rafting trip next week...... now that HAS to be fun.... if anyone has any tips on some interesting things to do, I would really appreciate it. Bare in mind, we are both about 40 and live in an area that is 115 degrees from now until October 1st...... seriously... lame as it sounds, I need some ideas. And no... he's not really that into sex.....ugh..... maybe I just answered my own question. Or, better yet... guys.... what can I do to make him crazy turned-on?

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Old 3rd July 2009, 6:03 AM   #2
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How long did you know him before you married him?
Was he like this before you married him?
Has it got progressively worse?
Does he perceive a problem?
Have you talked about it?

Is there a possibility that actually, you've just grown apart, and are now incompatible?

Finding short-term temporary stopgaps is one thing.
But if you see yourselves celebrating 25 happy years together....

See where I'm going with this?
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Old 4th July 2009, 1:50 PM   #3
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Hi Sunnylu

Check out the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. ( It is a quick read!)

Maybe you and your husband are just not speaking each other's language- it's a really good book and might help you both...also, you should tell your husband how you are feeling.

Get the book...and then use it to start a conversation...

good luck!!
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Old 5th July 2009, 3:19 AM   #4
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sunnylu, I think that this is actually a very common problem. Have you tried googling "bored with my husband"? You might be surprised with what you find.

Being bored in a long-term relationship usually means that you're not being continuously challenged and that the novelty has worn out. So, why is your husband boring? Because we, humans, continuously need a challenge, we need to learn something continuously to feel the pleasure of life. It seems to me that your husband is too nice of a guy. He's not cheating on you, he's not creating thrills for you, he's not playing mind-games with you and you're bored because he's just content with being with you at home . What I am trying to say is that a relationship which is too safe and too serene might feel boring.

Now, you're taking the right steps about it. What you need to do is have a transparent and honest talk about this with your husband. Your husband does not understand that he needs to work on himself and his hobbies to keep people constantly interested in him. Oftentimes, people engage in many activities in order to attract others but once they are married and are not looking for anyone else, they get too comfortable. well, he needs to understand that he needs to be interesting for YOU and for himself. Another thing you are doing right is challenging him. I have come to believe that the people that are being constantly challenged might complain about this but you know what? Men also love challenging women . So, don't worry if he complains about it. He will eventually enjoy the different things that he's doing with you.

Third thing you need to do is work on yourself. Don't give up everything you want to do because he does not want to do anything else but sit on the couch. Learn and grow for yourself, otherwise you will be unhappy and you will feel trapped. It's always better to feel that you have all the time and energy to do what you like and become what you want to become than use a lame excuse that you give up on yourself because of your husband. Unless he's aggressive and abusive (which he does not seem to be) he's not your excuse for your not doing the things you love, even if this means doing them alone or with your friends.
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Old 5th July 2009, 4:37 PM   #5
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Meet him at the door one day before his butt is attached to a chair.

Tell him I'm driving.

Get in the car and head to a upscale sexual boutique.

Go in and pick out a costume and some flavored lube.

Then head to dinner whisper in his ear, "You have to make it through dinner before you you get to meet the naughty nurse." or what ever costume you have picked up.

Give him a "massage" on the way home with your free hand.

At the door tell him that next week he gets to pick the new toys/costume and resturant.
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Old 9th July 2009, 5:21 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by sunnylu View Post
guys.... what can I do to make him crazy turned-on?
Has your dh been this way for the entire 4 years you've been married? When is the last time he's had a physical? Has he ever had his T-level checked?

Turned on to activity in general? Or turned on to sex? Either way, have him go in for a physical and be sure to request a T check. If he has something physical going on in his body that is hindering him, nothing you do will make him crazy turned-on. Take care of a physical and then go from there.
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Old 13th July 2009, 11:35 AM   #7
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Go to Victorias Secret. Buy something like this: Get the thigh-highs too (and some fishnets, while you're at it)

Get the kids out of the house if you have any. Turn on some nice instrumental music, have a glass of wine. Light candles. Put on outfit, complete with sexy black heels and proceed to make a kick-ass dinner. If your husband is still laying on the couch, watching golf, then you have serious problems.
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