wifely duties

[justxme]

Question, I live separate from my husband because I am disabled and he wouldn't pay for my food, meds toilet paper etc and yelled at me all the time because I wasn't able to do all the cleaning and couldn't cook three times a day, I picked dinner to cook most days, oh and I couldn't carry the laundry three floors up and down.

I went on disability so I can take care of myself, got a one story tiny home and live there, he is always yelling at me that I need to come home and do my "wifely duties" this last time about his bath tub being dirty, and he knows how difficult it is for me to clean it every day,

I am disabled for a reason, if I can't work full or part time, I also can't do all the stuff he wants, If I move back, I pretty much can only help him some and take care of myself, since he doesn't help me take care of my self. When I am really bad and bedridden he won't even feed me.

all of this causes stress and depression which I don't need because it makes my health worse.

what is the protocol for a disabled wife at home all day not working while the man goes to work, if she has is disabled and unable to do the majority of the house work and cooking and laundry,

He never lets me feel good about myself.

I manage fine when I live alone, things eventually get done when I have better days and some days I go hungry, but just the same when I lived with him. and I'm not in such a panic because I don't have this nerve racking angry man making me feel like sh#@

Anyways he's allw;ays yelling "wifely duties", what are wifely duties for a disabled wife?

[Enema]

Wifely Duties for a disabled wife:

- Do the best you can without over extending yourself

- Try to get better

 

Husbandly Duties when your wife is disabled:

- Take care of her

- Be understanding and patient

 

See the problem is, you don't have a husband - you should try getting one of those, your life would be much better.

[justxme]

I don't think anyone would want me, except for sex. I already have one of those.

I would like companionship by someone that would appreciate my companionship above whether I can cook 3 meals, and scrub everything and be a goddess in bed.

I've never met someone like that before, I've heard guys say it, but it just they say what you want to hear.

 

but thank you for the description of wifely duties for a disabled wife, and also adding the husband duties.

I want to get as many honest answers before answering him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Honestly, I would do the 'wifely duty' of divorcing him, and getting as much alimony as possible so that you will have decent living conditions and won't have to worry about taking care of this overgrown baby who calls himself your husband. Your life is hard enough as it is - there is no reason to let the rest of it wither away by continuing to let this guy abuse you in this way.

[mark982]

justxme, there are men out there who will care,and love you even though you have disabilities. you'll have to let the real you shine,just be the loving person you are,and not dwell on you're illness,men find that attractive(at least i do).my wife has m.s. and the only downfall i can see,is we have to do things at a slower pace. which is good cause you notice things alot more. still wish we could still have sex in trees though:lmao:

[NoIDidn't]

I am so sorry with what you are calling a husband. He should be taking care of YOU, its part of the contract.

 

This is a disgrace. But the worst part is that the lump you call husband seems to have you convinced that no one else will have you. Not true. There are lots of real men out there that will care for you and provide you companionship without demanding anything about duties.

 

I'm so sorry. Good thing you have noticed that living on your own is more peaceful though.

[dobler33]

I am so sorry with what you are calling a husband. He should be taking care of YOU, its part of the contract.

 

This is a disgrace. But the worst part is that the lump you call husband seems to have you convinced that no one else will have you. Not true. There are lots of real men out there that will care for you and provide you companionship without demanding anything about duties.

 

I'm so sorry. Good thing you have noticed that living on your own is more peaceful though.

 

 

here here! it is unacceptable that you are being treated like that. your wifely duties should definitely include getting the F out of that marriage. no one deserves that - able bodied or not, no matter what. what kind of support do you need from us?

[Ariadne]

[he should] pay for my food, meds, toilet paper

I wasn't able to do all the cleaning

couldn't cook

I picked dinner

couldn't carry the laundry

bath tub dirty

someone that would appreciate my companionship

 

It seems like you just want to take and have nothing to give.

 

Who wants to live in a house like that? And pay for all on top?

 

It seems like if you cared for your husband you'd make the effort to keep a house clean.

 

(And you don't have to scrub the tub everyday.)

 

Sounds like you are using your disability to be lazy.

 

I'd say the best idea is that you divorce and don't claim for anything from him.

[justxme]

Honestly, I would do the 'wifely duty' of divorcing him, and getting as much alimony as possible so that you will have decent living conditions and won't have to worry about taking care of this overgrown baby who calls himself your husband. Your life is hard enough as it is - there is no reason to let the rest of it wither away by continuing to let this guy abuse you in this way.

 

yeah I do feel like life is withering away, lol alimony doesn't happen much anymore.

He stresses me out bad, which really ruins the day week month etc and I work very hard at being happy and content everyday, even though I've had my life changed so dramatically, I tired of him busting my bubble.

[dobler33]

It seems like you just want to take and have nothing to give.

 

Who wants to live in a house like that? And pay for all on top?

 

It seems like if you cared for your husband you'd make the effort to keep a house clean.

 

(And you don't have to scrub the tub everyday.)

 

Sounds like you are using your disability to be lazy.

 

I'd say the best idea is that you divorce and don't claim for anything from him.

 

 

wow. i was going to start a tirade, but honestly it's probably not worth it if you think women are to be used in this way. join us in the 21st century, my dear. we got the vote a while ago.

[justxme]

justxme, there are men out there who will care,and love you even though you have disabilities. you'll have to let the real you shine,just be the loving person you are,and not dwell on you're illness,men find that attractive(at least i do).my wife has m.s. and the only downfall i can see,is we have to do things at a slower pace. which is good cause you notice things alot more. still wish we could still have sex in trees though:lmao:

 

lol about the trees, I know what you mean, I'm sure your wife misses that too.

yep that is one of the things I deal with, everything is done slower and less of work in the day than before,

I'm sorry for your wife's situation, but it is sweet that you by her side, and yes, you do learn to appreciate what you have and notice more and change your priorities to find what is most important, It just doesn't seem my hubby has that capability. I'm sure I'm lacking much to attract such men and never know the ones that would have been good to me, I just don't know how to fix that.

 

I'm sure you are right that there are men out there that are like that, but I seem to attract the wrong ones

[justxme]

It seems like you just want to take and have nothing to give.

 

Who wants to live in a house like that? And pay for all on top?

 

It seems like if you cared for your husband you'd make the effort to keep a house clean.

 

(And you don't have to scrub the tub everyday.)

 

Sounds like you are using your disability to be lazy.

 

I'd say the best idea is that you divorce and don't claim for anything from him.

 

I put two roofs over his and his children heads, scrubbed and cooked took care of 4 children and worked full time +

He lives in the house that I bought, yes the tub needs cleaned everyday he gets it black everyday from work. and I paid for his suv that was done by work I busted my whole life until I got disabled, I also paid for the house and the utilities until I got disabled, and his childrens many activities

 

he did not pay for my medical, my food, my clothe my doctors nor my children s, I did. I am not a lazy person, I at this time am disabled and the pain from over doing it is enough to make most people to pass out, including me.

 

He does not pay for the tiny home I bought so I could take care of my self, nor does he pay for any of my utilities, food docs, or med, he does pay for basic cable so he can watch nascar when he is here.

 

basically, I am not a lazy person, I never was,

I am disabled, I am hopeless, I am depressed, but I am not lazy.

 

I cook one meal a day from scratch and make enough for his work lunch which he loves left overs, I also freeze some for the days I'm bedridden, he is angry because it takes a few hours every morning for the meds to work so that I can move efficiently enough to make breakfast, the meds also keep me from sleep,

He is angry because I can't carry laundry three floors, but he refused to put in a laundery shoot or bring the washer upstairs, and he is angry because I can't take his yelling a belittling be cause I can't work like I used to, infact, you sound just like him.

[justxme]

I am so sorry with what you are calling a husband. He should be taking care of YOU, its part of the contract.

 

This is a disgrace. But the worst part is that the lump you call husband seems to have you convinced that no one else will have you. Not true. There are lots of real men out there that will care for you and provide you companionship without demanding anything about duties.

 

I'm so sorry. Good thing you have noticed that living on your own is more peaceful though.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful kind response, He will do things here and there, but it can't be counted on, I thik if he would let go of the "wifely duties" attitude stop yelling and pouting and just be happy to be alive and see what I do do, and how I've improved than things there would be less stressful, making me so tired.

 

He didn't convince me of thinking no one would have me, just men in general have convinced me of that at least the ones that I know, they all expect to be waited on, I don't mind waiting on my man, I just can't do it all the time, and right now how could I expect someone to sacrifice their normal active life, to slow down for me, I couldn't live with that they'd have to be a pretty super person.

[Ariadne]

I am not a lazy person, I never was,

I am disabled, I am hopeless, I am depressed, but I am not lazy.

 

Ok, my apologies.

[justxme]

here here! it is unacceptable that you are being treated like that. your wifely duties should definitely include getting the F out of that marriage. no one deserves that - able bodied or not, no matter what. what kind of support do you need from us?

 

I think I will have to get out, I think I will start counseling first though, I'm very split about all of this, I love him, but can't live with him.

I don't know about support, for now, by peoples reaction, this isn't too normal or healthy. It would kill him if I completely left him.

I think speaking reality was support enough thank you

[sadintexas]

You're able to take care of yourself well enough to not live with him anymore. You're much happier without him and the stress he brings into your life. Why do you continue this with someone who isn't showing respect for you?

 

If I were in your shoes and I still wanted to have some sort of relationship with him, then I would simply draw the line at he takes care of his house and meals and you take care of yours. He takes care of his finances, and you take care of yours. You can stay married and have whatever benefits you seem to reap from that, but eliminate the stress you're going through. And if he doesn't want to do that, then I think you know what you should do.

[justxme]

Ok, my apologies.

I hear you, at least I still have a bit of fight left

[Ariadne]

wow. i was going to start a tirade, but honestly it's probably not worth it if you think women are to be used in this way. join us in the 21st century, my dear. we got the vote a while ago.

 

I still believe in this:

How to be the Perfect Wife

.

This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's

Fascinating Womanhood

, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

GET YOUR WORK DONE

Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

HAVE DINNER READY

Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF

Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN

Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE

Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.

BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM

Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.

 

 

 

SOME DON'TS

• Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day.
  
• Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.
  

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE

Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM

You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS

Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.

THE GOAL

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.

[sally4sara]

I still believe in this:

How to be the Perfect Wife

.

This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's

Fascinating Womanhood

, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

GET YOUR WORK DONE

Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

HAVE DINNER READY

Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF

Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN

Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE

Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.

BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM

Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.

 

 

 

SOME DON'TS

• Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day.
  
• Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.
  

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE

Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM

You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS

Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.

THE GOAL

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.

 

Hows that working out for you?

[Ariadne]

Hows that working out for you?

 

If I were married I'd be that kind of wife.

 

I know it works perfectly for my mother, she is just like that.

[justxme]

You're able to take care of yourself well enough to not live with him anymore. You're much happier without him and the stress he brings into your life. Why do you continue this with someone who isn't showing respect for you?

 

If I were in your shoes and I still wanted to have some sort of relationship with him, then I would simply draw the line at he takes care of his house and meals and you take care of yours. He takes care of his finances, and you take care of yours. You can stay married and have whatever benefits you seem to reap from that, but eliminate the stress you're going through. And if he doesn't want to do that, then I think you know what you should do.

 

 

 

yes, respect, he doesn't show respect much, but I didn't think many men knows how to show that to a woman, or is capable of feeling that unless it was their mom,

 

this is going to take some time, I think It is best to find out why I ended up in this type of relationship and work on that, you are right I am able to take care of myself ok, I just don't do well alone, it would be good for some one to be with me, it would also be safer, and safer medically, my husband should be with me, he should celebrate what I do get done, he comes short in many things too, obviously, but I celebrate what he does do.

 

he is my husband, I love him, I know all his bad stuff and his good stuff, I would be ok if he would back off of the bad mean attitude, I don't expect perfection

but I expect a happy and safe atmosphere, or at least an attempt of one, instead of constant complaining and pouting of what I didn't do, making me feel useless and hated.

 

((shrugg))

It's not so much in my hands anymore, I've done all I could to support him and be good to him and love him, and explained to him how his attitude and harsh loud words destroy me, I just can't loose myself.

 

well, actually, I think I already lost myself, it's like my real me is crying from deep in me, to be let free to have less stress, to be treated kindly with understanding, to exist in more peace so I can concentrate on getting healed, or if not healed at least not hate life so much, and with that joy, share it with him.

[Reggie]

Your H is a selfish A-hole, a monster. He should have his ass kicked.

[Reggie]

Let's bring back slavery, while we are at it, retraining women.

[justxme]

I still believe in this:

How to be the Perfect Wife

.

This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's

Fascinating Womanhood

, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

GET YOUR WORK DONE

Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

HAVE DINNER READY

Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF

Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN

Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE

Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.

BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM

Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.

 

 

 

SOME DON'TS

• Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day.
  
• Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.
  

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE

Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM

You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS

Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.

THE GOAL

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.

 

I pretty much did/do all of that, he just is a complainer, I can't do as much as I used to, and used to work in the corporate world as well, he is just that way, and It didn't matter to me, or I didn't notice he was like that until I needed some help, and instead of help he deserted me and my youngest, right now I need his strength and care not his degrading. I can have him by my side anytime I want, it's just not healthy for me, basically killing me, in fact a few weeks ago ended up in the hospital again from being pushed so much to do so much which I did, it's not worth it to kill myself, my kids though grown still need me.

[justxme]

Your H is a selfish A-hole, a monster. He should have his ass kicked.

I feel like that sometimes