lovinghim Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hello everyone, I have a question, My boyfriend has a 12 year old girl and she is already dating (her boyfriend is almost 15). I do not agree with it, he does not agree with it but yet his ex wife is fine with it. Im trying to stay out of it but it is driving me nuts. My questions are: 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it 3. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date I think it is too young to date, but my opinion only counts when it comes to my son. 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it 3. What would you do? I would stay out of it. JMO. My S/O of 4 years has an 11 year old son from a marriage that ended 6 years ago. His older son is allowed to do a lot of things I do not agree with, but I can't say anything about it. I am not the parent. Their decisions trump my opinion. It sucks, but that's how it has to be unless the parents include you in their parenting decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 way to young Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date YES!!! to have a little boyfriend, no, to date as in the boy driving a car and coming home late on weekend nights...yes...too young. 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it You voice your opinion, but don't be "opinionated". in other words just say what you feel and say, "but she isn't my daughter, I just want you to know what I think" and leave it at that. Do not harp on it and "impose" your will. (I know that isn't what you are doing, just saying) Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date Yes it is.. 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it No.. stay out of it.. that doesn't concern you at all. 3. What would you do? Nothing.. she's not MY daughter.. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hello everyone, I have a question, My boyfriend has a 12 year old girl and she is already dating (her boyfriend is almost 15). I do not agree with it, he does not agree with it but yet his ex wife is fine with it. Im trying to stay out of it but it is driving me nuts. My questions are: 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it 3. What would you do? 1) I guess that depends on what you mean by "date". If you mean going out (eg to movies, or for a meal) with her 15 year old boyfriend (either just the two of them, or in a group) I'd have no problem with that - it was common practice when I was that age (we're talking about 30 years ago...) for kids that age or even a couple of years younger to do so. Parents lifted the kids to the malls, so there was some kind of "oversight" and it was all fine. But if you mean "date" as in, an exclusive sexual relationship (the way Cosmopolitan would use the term) then I reckon it is too young. 2) I'd say that depends on the relationship you have with your boyfriend. Boyfriend could mean a lot of things - anything from someone you live with but are not married to, to someone you're "dating" casually. If you have a serious relationship, then of course you should voice your opinion - and he'd likely seek it. You're fully a part of his life, co-parenting his kids while they're with you and contributing to their well-being. If your relationship is not that serious, then no, it's none of your business unless he invites your opinion, and even then, it's merely information that he can choose to use or lose as he wishes. 3) I've step-parented before and am currently step-parenting my H's teenagers. I find that there's a way to do it if you want to disagree with something that the xW has instilled, without getting anyone's defenses up. In this case, I'd offer to do the lifting - take her to the mall to meet her boyfriend, or have his parents drop him off at your & your boyfriend's place and lift them both together, so that you can meet him. Get tehre in good time so you can get the movie tickets and have a coffee with them, chatting and getting to know him. Pick them up after the show and chat to them about the movie while you're taking them back. Getting to know him will help assuage your fears of what he is and what they might be up to, as well as signalling to them that you're a friendly adult presence, that they can include and hang out around rather than avoiding. Chances are, they'll spend more time hanging out around the house, where you know they're safe, and the problem will largely go away. There's a time and place for getting heavy, but building relationships with teenage step-kids isn't typically it - at least, not unless other strategies have bottomed out. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 12 year old girls should have friends that are boys that are also 12 years old or thereabouts. 15 year old boys should date 15 year old girls. What ever happened to children just being children? Yes, responsible parents should not condone that happening and you as her dad's gf should speak up and be heard. Tell him your opinion, absolutely, because you are also responsible for that young girl, she's your bf's daughter, someone has to look out for her, and you are in a position to do that. You do have a say. If anything bad were to happen to that little girl, you don't want to have regrets of doing nothing and be partially to blame for allowing it to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 15 year old boys should date 15 year old girls. You're kidding, right? Given that girls hit puberty two to three years ahead of boys, that would be like asking a woman to date a kid. Take a look - 15 year old girls look (and act) like ramp models; 15 year old boys look like AND ACT like Dennis the Menace! Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hello everyone, I have a question, My boyfriend has a 12 year old girl and she is already dating (her boyfriend is almost 15). I do not agree with it, he does not agree with it but yet his ex wife is fine with it. Im trying to stay out of it but it is driving me nuts. My questions are: 1. Do you think 12 is too young to date 2. Should I even voice my opinion or just stay out of it 3. What would you do? Way to young to be dating. I'm betting she will be sexually active by 14 minimum. That says to me she is going to be a dumb ho. Probably just like her mom. The ex wife is a trashbag. No woman who actually cares for the well being of her child would allow this at that age. The bad news is... you can't do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Take a look - 15 year old girls look (and act) like ramp models; 15 year old boys look like AND ACT like Dennis the Menace! 15 year old boys can also act like raging sex machines. Link to post Share on other sites
JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 12 years old, young for dating yes, but as SM it is hard to toe those lines, if mom is for it u basically have to shut up and deal with it. It sucks, because you see the best interest for her and clearly care, but cant really do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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