laRubiaBonita Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 why is it that after you are married everyone has to know when you will spawn? why is it that babies are almost pushed down your throat? do people ever think that some people want to wait, and be a married couple first? or to not have babies..... why is this hard for some people to understand? i know this was brought up sorta in another thread, but these neer-do-wells irritate me. that and the "soo, how's married life treating you?" question.... i guess this is more of a rant about nosy people Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 precisely because they're nosy that they do it. Like asking is going to speed up the process *snort* one of our priests (interestingly enough, Monsignor Priest is his name) is a crusty old dude with the insides of a marshmallow. Seems he likes to terrorize women of childbearing age by offering a blessing then yelling "twins" ... like that's going to make it work. I griped to my coworker that he was driving me nuts, and she said she got him to shut up when she was newly married by saying, "You know Father, we **** like bunnies but still not pregnant!" he stopped bugging her after that ... my stock answer is, "well, you know some rednecks just don't breed well in captivity" Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 first comes marriage, then comes the baby Not always! Sometimes it's: first comes marriage, then comes divorce Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 and sometimes.. first come the baby then the 'forced marriage'... or marriage then divorce.. or baby then divorce... lots of combination.. I think people don't think before they ask those questions... they just ask because they don't have anything 'intelligent' to say I guess.. My daughter and her bf just celebrate their 10-yr anniversary this year.. same time as their first baby first birthday... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 their baby was born on their anniversary? Pretty dang cool ... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 No not quite.. but almost.. the baby is one year old.. and this year is their 10th anniversary... Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Three women came up to me in my wedding reception, and all asked me (more or less) the same question... "When are you going to start a family?" My answer to all three was virtually the same: "Well, let me get home and out of this dress, first......" Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Not always! Sometimes it's: first comes marriage, then comes divorce Hahah! Well, that's still better than first comes twins, then comes cold feet! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 that and the "soo, how's married life treating you?" question.... when i ask this question i don't really expect an honest answer. i already know that the majority of married people are not happy. but i let them live in their fantasy and don't burst the bubble Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 when i ask this question i don't really expect an honest answer. i already know that the majority of married people are not happy. but i let them live in their fantasy and don't burst the bubble The last time I asked the question, I really wanted to know how it was for this newly wedded couple, since they knew I wasn't really happy in my marriage. They told me it was GREAT! A year later they were divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Annacabana Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Being married is something people have in common so it is an easy subject to talk about,bring up. As for the spawning, newly married equals lots of sex which does raise the chances of spawning little ones Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I guess people just expect that marriage means babies sooner or later and everyone gets nosy and excited about babies. Doesn't mean you should give into the pressure. I think it's vital to enjoy a marriage before you commit to kids. People usually ask and pressure for purely selfish reasons i.e. other couples with babies looking for someone they do mumsie stuff with or put their kids on playdates with or single friends desperately looking for a friends baby they can experiment with but give back. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 IMO people nose into your life because they have no life of their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 What's the big deal? People ask because they mean well...and plus, it's a way to start up a conversation. I guess I'm not married, so I don't really get why it can be annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolar Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 It's just not a polite question. People don't think. Not all couples want children. Not all can easily have children. Sometimes there are scary health problems. Sometimes there are fears because of miscarriages or losses of babies in the past. Those aren't things you want to bring up if you care about another person's feelings. When and how people have sex is their own personal business and asking about children is tantamount to asking people about their sex lives in some ways. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleDove Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 To me its just an age old saying....married, so now have kids. Oh I cant wait to get married.... Zolar is very right, its a personal question, and to me, an offensive one. I have had great losses, and pregnancy isnt going to just 'happen' like it does for most. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 Just like when you're pregnant everyone will ask what you're craving. And when you are graduating high school everyone will ask if you will be attending college? And when you ARE in college everyone will ask whats your major. And when you've been dating someone for several years they will constantly ask when are you getting married. I am sure at some point in time you, too have been guilty of asking similar questions. They are good conversation starters when you otherwise may not have one. Just let it roll off your back. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolar Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 "Oh, so you're in school! What's your major?" That is in no way like asking "So, you just got married? How long do you think it's going to be before you get knocked up?" Or how about this fun conversation: Me: "Well, I just lost my baby girl not too long ago. I'm not sure I want to go through that again. I nearly died. It was really frightening and I'm sitll having nightmares" Idiot Inquisitor: "Oh, so you had a miscarriage." Idiot inquisitor: "Actually, she was late term - a still birth. She looked so much like my husband, but she was born dead." Idiot Inquisitor: "What did you do with the body?" Somebody actually asked me that! That is an example of why this is not an appropriate discussion. This is not just friendly conversation - it's just sheer cruelty and stupidity. Sorry for venting, but I'm trying to make you see why this is not an appropriate topic for small talk - it just isn't. And, it goes beyond just being annoying. I was sick and upset for a good 24-hours after this brief interlude with someone I used to work with. Asking about people's reproductive status or plans is not very considerate... what you think is just conversation can seem like interrogation to someone who is still recovering from a near-death event involving their reproductive organs. I am not eager to have a conversation of any kind with this woman again, I can assure you. In fact, I'm just avoiding a lot of people the last couple of months because if they say the wrong thing I might start crying. I don't want to talk to ANYONE about my reproductive organs or my husband's reproductive organs, either, for that matter. I don't care discuss my future private - very private plans - with my husband with ANYONE. And, if anyone asks me an inappropriate question like that, they shouldn't be suprised if they don't get an inappropriate answer. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Zolar, I cannot believe someone handled that situation so insensitively! I am so sorry for your loss. The fact that someone asked you what was done with the body is disgusting, dispicable, inhumane, the list goes on. Truly I don't think 99% of people would have responded with anything but "I am so very sorry for your loss." I am quite appalled to believe someone thought it was okay to ask you that. Back to what I was saying however, people tend to run with the general consensus of things. Unless they know otherwise, it does not seem like an insensitive question to ask. Once a response comes back disclosing a sensitive situation such as yours it should then become the questioners duty to carry out the conversation gracefully and with tact. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleDove Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Zolar, I am sorry for your loss, its un imaginable what you went through, big hugs to you. You have an angel watching over you now...I have 2. I understand the type of pain you are feeling, I lost a baby in 06 and a baby this april 08. I also lost my relationship when I went through the last pregnancy... so ive been alone dealing with not only loosing a baby- that would have been born last week, had things gone to plan... I also lost both tubes, making a natural pregnancy impossible. Its ivf only for me now. And theres this tick tock, and im pretty much single..booty call isnt bf material. I have even organised a gay friend to be a sperm donor, incase i dont meet mr right by late 09!!! It felt so wrong that id broken up with the man who was 'supposed' to be there for me. he had checked out emotionally, i was alone, with him. Im more okay with it all each day- and since last week, when my 'due date' passed...im somehow feeling a bit better. I didnt realise that id been tracking my lost pregnancy...no wonder ive been so upset about it. It will all work out in the end... so anyone who asks me about babies....im extra sensetive, i dont know how id react...most probably smile and nod, and cry on the inside. okay, sorry for my essay! Link to post Share on other sites
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