loosing my mind

[idiot?]

The saga begins like this:I have been married for 7 months now to a woman that I was with for about the last 4 years on and off.It was on and off because we would have the same discussions over and over about simple needs that were not being met for me like helping me out more around the house,not just picking up crap but really cleaning,helping with dinners,doing quality stuff with my daughter,being romantic at any level (if anything exciting is to be done I always have to be the director of the whole process)or in general being interested in anything or being interesting.She is a very nice person but besides that she has very little to offer me.She is extremely bad with money,pays her bills late all the time,some not at all and the few bills I have had her pay for in the past few months, some of the house expenses (in my name)follow the same suit.She drives one of my vehicles and has been almost the entire time I have known her because she could never afford one.Her mom helped her out with money tons of times as well for her bills.I have all but given up on making her happy cause I think it is a lost cause.A few weeks before we got married I tried to end it yet again for all the same reasons but she cried and begged and swore things would change but the reality of it is very little has changed and I am severley unhappy .When she is around I don't even want to be home and I definatley don't crave physical contact from her only when it is necessary.I have expressed the unhappiness many times.I keep telling her I need certain fundimental things to at least make me content.I really don't know what to do anymore.If anyone else has gone through similar experiences or has any input on this mess I have gotten myself into please post.

[Tony T]

I've never gone through anything like this before. But I can tell you what I'd be doing if I were in your position.

 

I'd be opening the phone book to: "Attorneys - Divorce"

 

Once I got an appointment, I'd open the phone book to "Movers - Really Fast Ones"

 

Once I had lined up a mover to move this woman to another planet, I'd open up the phone book to: "Workshops - How to Forget The Last Four Years and Seven Months."

 

Then I'd call a good bookstore to see if they had a book entitled: "How to Keep Your Wife From Getting Pregnant Before She Moves Away For Good" I'd order it...sent to me be Federal Express OVERNIGHT.

 

Then I'd take a nap.

 

You can't make another person happy. If you've got somebody in your life whose happiness plug has been pulled, get away. Just get away.

 

Work on yourself and ask yourself why you don't like yourself enough that you would keep somebody like this gal in your life for so long...and even marry her. Find out who told you that people like your wife will change after marriage and give them a good laxative.

 

That reminds me, while you've got the bookstore on the line, order: "How Not To Expect People To Change Against All Odds." Get that one straight and you'll conquer a lot of life's problems.

 

Good luck.

[clia]

Sounds like you married someone who wasn't right for you, even though you knew what she was like going in. The only way to deal with this mess is to get a divorce and move on. This situation is not going to get any better. I don't care how much she cries and tells you she will change, you now have proof positive that she will not follow through on it. Stay strong. Life is much too short to be miserable like you are.

The saga begins like this:I have been married for 7 months now to a woman that I was with for about the last 4 years on and off.It was on and off because we would have the same discussions over and over about simple needs that were not being met for me like helping me out more around the house,not just picking up crap but really cleaning,helping with dinners,doing quality stuff with my daughter,being romantic at any level (if anything exciting is to be done I always have to be the director of the whole process)or in general being interested in anything or being interesting.She is a very nice person but besides that she has very little to offer me.She is extremely bad with money,pays her bills late all the time,some not at all and the few bills I have had her pay for in the past few months, some of the house expenses (in my name)follow the same suit.She drives one of my vehicles and has been almost the entire time I have known her because she could never afford one.Her mom helped her out with money tons of times as well for her bills.I have all but given up on making her happy cause I think it is a lost cause.A few weeks before we got married I tried to end it yet again for all the same reasons but she cried and begged and swore things would change but the reality of it is very little has changed and I am severley unhappy .When she is around I don't even want to be home and I definatley don't crave physical contact from her only when it is necessary.I have expressed the unhappiness many times.I keep telling her I need certain fundimental things to at least make me content.I really don't know what to do anymore.If anyone else has gone through similar experiences or has any input on this mess I have gotten myself into please post.

[quankanne]

and go for counselling, you're going to need help trying to weather through this situation, even if it's just to know that someone with experience is sitting there listening to you try to figure out what to do or how to approach your new life. The end of any relationship is hard -- and it's not a bad thing to have that kind of assistance to help you through1

[click]

I think things are not so terrible as you imagine. I'm sure she can learn to do housework better if you tell her you believe in her and be patient with her. I think she senses that you don't love her and that makes her depressed. You sound like you like to have your way in everything, she is probably afraid to express herself in front of you because she doesn't get the encouragement from you. After you married "your" vehicles are a common property, they are not yours anymore. I don't think you ever tried to make her happy, cause like you say "it's a lost cause". I think the only person you want to see happy is yourself. If she earned a lot of money, was full of energy and did perfect housework she most probably would not need you and your daughter.

The saga begins like this:I have been married for 7 months now to a woman that I was with for about the last 4 years on and off.It was on and off because we would have the same discussions over and over about simple needs that were not being met for me like helping me out more around the house,not just picking up crap but really cleaning,helping with dinners,doing quality stuff with my daughter,being romantic at any level (if anything exciting is to be done I always have to be the director of the whole process)or in general being interested in anything or being interesting.She is a very nice person but besides that she has very little to offer me.She is extremely bad with money,pays her bills late all the time,some not at all and the few bills I have had her pay for in the past few months, some of the house expenses (in my name)follow the same suit.She drives one of my vehicles and has been almost the entire time I have known her because she could never afford one.Her mom helped her out with money tons of times as well for her bills.I have all but given up on making her happy cause I think it is a lost cause.A few weeks before we got married I tried to end it yet again for all the same reasons but she cried and begged and swore things would change but the reality of it is very little has changed and I am severley unhappy .When she is around I don't even want to be home and I definatley don't crave physical contact from her only when it is necessary.I have expressed the unhappiness many times.I keep telling her I need certain fundimental things to at least make me content.I really don't know what to do anymore.If anyone else has gone through similar experiences or has any input on this mess I have gotten myself into please post.

[velvet]

I think I was alot like her at one time. She probably does not what a big responsibility paying certain bills is all about. Or putting in her duties like a respectable wife should be doing. I had to struggle with those things at one time. My fiance was constantly on me, trying to mold me into a perfect women.

 

He always mentioned that he would leave me and look for another women, well after four years, I left him. Moved out on my own and made it. Now everything he wanted me to be I am, to bad he cant see me now.

 

She should put an effort into what you ask from her. Also, know that your money is hers, and what is hers is yours. Thats marriage. I dont know why you married, if you were not compatible in the beggining. Whats done is done, I know how you feel, because like I said, my ex felt the exact same way sometimes.

 

I cant give you much advice considering I dont really have enough detail on what your both like. But dont have kids.

 

It could only turn your marriage upside down all the more.

 

The saga begins like this:I have been married for 7 months now to a woman that I was with for about the last 4 years on and off.It was on and off because we would have the same discussions over and over about simple needs that were not being met for me like helping me out more around the house,not just picking up crap but really cleaning,helping with dinners,doing quality stuff with my daughter,being romantic at any level (if anything exciting is to be done I always have to be the director of the whole process)or in general being interested in anything or being interesting.She is a very nice person but besides that she has very little to offer me.She is extremely bad with money,pays her bills late all the time,some not at all and the few bills I have had her pay for in the past few months, some of the house expenses (in my name)follow the same suit.She drives one of my vehicles and has been almost the entire time I have known her because she could never afford one.Her mom helped her out with money tons of times as well for her bills.I have all but given up on making her happy cause I think it is a lost cause.A few weeks before we got married I tried to end it yet again for all the same reasons but she cried and begged and swore things would change but the reality of it is very little has changed and I am severley unhappy .When she is around I don't even want to be home and I definatley don't crave physical contact from her only when it is necessary.I have expressed the unhappiness many times.I keep telling her I need certain fundimental things to at least make me content.I really don't know what to do anymore.If anyone else has gone through similar experiences or has any input on this mess I have gotten myself into please post.