LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

mixed signals


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 16th March 2002, 11:06 AM   #1
Crystal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
mixed signals

i think i've finally figured out my guy. during the week mostly in the a.m.'s he is very like i said before, mooody, cranky, impatient, intolerat, etc....

i know now that it is stress related to the upcoming day of his job/work/clients he has to deal with,...etc...

then when he comes home in the evenings and on sundays when he does not work, he is the fun, sweet,loving, nice, guy that i had fallen in love before he started this new stressful stupid sales job.

so, what i've been doing is NOT talking to him during the day or as little as possible anyway, then when he comes home we have things to talk about and i don't have to put up with his little digs and jabs through out the day.

do you think there is anything wrong with doing this? does this seem like something that someone should not have to do, what are youre opinions on this? thanks
  Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2002, 3:57 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Tony T's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 15,713
Re: mixed signals

1. "do you think there is anything wrong with doing this?"

Not at all. It seems an excellent strategy and a good solution to the problem.

2. "does this seem like something that someone should not have to do, what are youre opinions on this?"

Some people don't handle stress very well, people react to it differently, and some people have more stressful jobs than others.

It's sad you have to modify the way you relate to your guy during the day but at the same time you should be thankful he has a job, works hard, and cares enough about his work to have any kind of reaction at all.

Often in life we have to adapt to situations in different ways. I'm really glad you're sharp enough to recognize that need here.

You might suggest at some point that your guy learn stress management techniques that could help him during the day. We create our own stress by the way we react to external stimuli. I'm sure there are men who do the same thing as your guy who don't get nearly as moody...but that's just his way or reacting and that's him. But he can change if he wants to.

There are excellent meditation and stress management tapes in bookstores and in Psychology Today Magazine ads. You might want to get him some for a gift.

Meanwhile, if it's no sweat off your back just keep on doing exactly like you have been.

If the stress ever carries over into his hours at home with you, that's when you've got to put your foot down and have him either change his outlook or change his job.

Don't forget, it's us men who have to endure those time of the month moods and PMS situations that drive us crazy sometimes...but we have learned down through the centuries just to work around that.
Tony T is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2002, 4:33 PM   #3
Crystal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: mixed signals

thank you tony for the encouragement! i appreciate it very much1

monday is his birthday and i got him a few things already but i'm going to go to barnes and noble and get his a tape on stress management, excellent idea!!!

as for the other things you said, i know it is sad to have to modify things just to keep the stress out of my life and to hopefully help things in our relationship because i do feel it is worth saving.

as of late, i have been on estrogen therapy and noooo more PMS for me or for him, so HAH! can't blame that on me anymore, i'm done with it all!! thank God! but i know i put him through his own share of hell with it in the past.

you sid: We create our own stress

by the way we react to external stimuli.

i say: that is so great of a philosphy that i am going to print it and give it to him to put on his desk at worl.

he has other notes similar to this taped to his desk but maybe something new will jar him a little bit when he gets stressed from work.

i told him, i bet the president doesn't even get THIS stressed and treat his people like he does me, and you're job is not nearly as stressful as the presidents, so if he can do it YOOOOU CAN DO IT!

he didn't like that too much, oh well i tried! hah!

thanks again tony, finally someone agrees with me on this and my new stragety. that's nice, thanks again!
Quote:
1. "do you think there is anything wrong with doing this?" Not at all. It seems an excellent strategy and a good solution to the problem. 2. "does this seem like something that someone should not have to do, what are youre opinions on this?" Some people don't handle stress very well, people react to it differently, and some people have more stressful jobs than others. It's sad you have to modify the way you relate to your guy during the day but at the same time you should be thankful he has a job, works hard, and cares enough about his work to have any kind of reaction at all. Often in life we have to adapt to situations in different ways. I'm really glad you're sharp enough to recognize that need here. You might suggest at some point that your guy learn stress management techniques that could help him during the day. We create our own stress by the way we react to external stimuli. I'm sure there are men who do the same thing as your guy who don't get nearly as moody...but that's just his way or reacting and that's him. But he can change if he wants to. There are excellent meditation and stress management tapes in bookstores and in Psychology Today Magazine ads. You might want to get him some for a gift. Meanwhile, if it's no sweat off your back just keep on doing exactly like you have been.

If the stress ever carries over into his hours at home with you, that's when you've got to put your foot down and have him either change his outlook or change his job. Don't forget, it's us men who have to endure those time of the month moods and PMS situations that drive us crazy sometimes...but we have learned down through the centuries just to work around that.
  Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2002, 4:52 PM   #4
Crystal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: mixed signals

i copied, pasted, printed and faxed it to him, and he called and thank'd me for it, he said he already put it up on his roladex so he can see it!

at times like this i feel hopefull, other times just as fast as i can feel hopefull i feel defeated, what a rotten crappy way to live, but what ever helps i'm willing to try but not for the rest of my life.

some days i think about how nice it would be to live stress free, but i know for a long time i would miss him, other times i wonder how can i live without him, he is my heart. funny how things can change so rapidly depending on his moods, i wish they wouldn't.
Quote:
1. "do you think there is anything wrong with doing this?" Not at all. It seems an excellent strategy and a good solution to the problem. 2. "does this seem like something that someone should not have to do, what are youre opinions on this?" Some people don't handle stress very well, people react to it differently, and some people have more stressful jobs than others. It's sad you have to modify the way you relate to your guy during the day but at the same time you should be thankful he has a job, works hard, and cares enough about his work to have any kind of reaction at all. Often in life we have to adapt to situations in different ways. I'm really glad you're sharp enough to recognize that need here. You might suggest at some point that your guy learn stress management techniques that could help him during the day. We create our own stress by the way we react to external stimuli. I'm sure there are men who do the same thing as your guy who don't get nearly as moody...but that's just his way or reacting and that's him. But he can change if he wants to. There are excellent meditation and stress management tapes in bookstores and in Psychology Today Magazine ads. You might want to get him some for a gift. Meanwhile, if it's no sweat off your back just keep on doing exactly like you have been.

If the stress ever carries over into his hours at home with you, that's when you've got to put your foot down and have him either change his outlook or change his job. Don't forget, it's us men who have to endure those time of the month moods and PMS situations that drive us crazy sometimes...but we have learned down through the centuries just to work around that.
  Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Mixed Signals NoContact Friends and Lovers 2 12th April 2005 11:47 PM
My STBX is giving more mixed signals, and some not-so-mixed. Help! lifeonhold Separation and Divorce 13 3rd February 2005 4:33 AM
Mixed Signals TheRock Dating 11 10th January 2005 9:23 PM
mixed signals tenderhearted Breaks and Breaking Up 5 8th March 2004 4:37 PM
Mixed Signals...What To Do Next? What To Say? I'm Also Shy. G-Unit In Search Of... 3 19th September 2003 6:22 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:03 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.