Let's turn the whole porn thing around

[EnigmasMuse]

Since there has been right many posts lately about porn, lets turn it around just to see what some answers might be. I will go ahead right now and say, I do think this is not something that would bother men as much as it does women though, simply because you see more women that have an issue with it.

 

OK guys, you're either married or got a g/f, fiance', whatever your situation might be. SHE is the one that is really into the porn. Let's say you don't mind it that much, BUT she starts to use it alot. Loves it, loves all the hot, toned younger men, maybe even ones with bigger d*cks than you have. You tell her its ok, and you don't mind it but you feel she is looking at it to much. She tells you she understands how you feel. Or maybe she doesn't tell you that. Maybe she tells you, you're being silly, and overly insecure and jealous. You want her to stop, you feel kind of unwanted, and not as desirable as some of the men she is looking at. She doesn't stop, or even begins to hide it.

 

What do you do? How does it make you feel? Worth getting your underwear in a wad over?(pardon the pun) Or would you be able to just up and move on, to someone who doesn't look at it that much, and can make you feel more wanted, by not looking at men with much longer trunks than yours?

 

OK, discuss.

 

PS. NOtice I did NOT say the men didn't look at it at all. THis is also based on if the woman he is with looks at it ALOT, more than he does. And it could be she is possibly starting to choose more porn over you. This is a hypothetical situation of course.

[Mr. Lucky]

Let's say you don't mind it that much, BUT she starts to use it alot. Loves it, loves all the hot, toned younger men, maybe even ones with bigger d*cks than you have. You tell her its ok, and you don't mind it but you feel she is looking at it to much.

I would feel the same way that I'd feel (and have posted) if the gender roles were reversed - if the porn use is such that it's taking away sexual frequency from the relationship, then it is inappropriate. No different from alcohol, drug use, work or golf - if my partner is choosing that over me, then we've got a problem.

 

But libidos and sex drives are often not perfectly matched in the various stages of relationships. So male or female, I don't think that one can object to ones partner's discreet use of porn if you're not willing to meet their reasonable sexual needs.

 

Complicated, eh ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[blair08]

Well, now there's a different twist on it.

 

Not sure how often this kind of thing happens in RL though. Maybe some.

 

I would say the men might not be as affected by it as much as the women who were to feel that way about porn. I would think to, they also might be able to pack up and move on from it quicker. Then again, some might just run on out here and cheat, to deal with their pain of their woman looking at younger hotter men. Sounds like something some might do.

[EnigmasMuse]

I would feel the same way that I'd feel (and have posted) if the gender roles were reversed - if the porn use is such that it's taking away sexual frequency from the relationship, then it is inappropriate. No different from alcohol, drug use, work or golf - if my partner is choosing that over me, then we've got a problem.

 

But libidos and sex drives are often not perfectly matched in the various stages of relationships. So male or female, I don't think that one can object to ones partner's discreet use of porn if you're not willing to meet their reasonable sexual needs.

 

Complicated, eh ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Oh, I agree with what you're saying. I think there are some men who would feel the same, depending on if it were affecting the relationship, or sex life etc.

 

It will be interesting to though, to see the ones who have replied to womens posts before on porn, and if they would say they would walk, if a woman viewed it alot, but it was ok for them to do it.

 

I have also seen some say before they would not tolerate it if it affected their sex life but yet when a woman posts about it and how it has affected their sex life, some men still justify it, al because it seems its ok if theya re doing it.

[Trialbyfire]

Let's add to this, turning around men who use porn as an excuse to demand surgery from their SOs.

 

"Honey, maybe you should get an enlargement like that guy in the porn movie. I would be so turned on, if you did it."

[Mr. Lucky]

It will be interesting to though, to see the ones who have replied to womens posts before on porn, and if they would say they would walk, if a woman viewed it alot, but it was ok for them to do it.

 

I have also seen some say before they would not tolerate it if it affected their sex life but yet when a woman posts about it and how it has affected their sex life, some men still justify it, al because it seems its ok if theya re doing it.

Well, if I'm understanding you correctly, you think that there are some male posters that think that it's OK for them to look at pictures of naked women but inappropriate for their wives or GF's to look at pictures of naked men.

 

I think any reasonable person would agree that's a hypocritical position to take...

 

Mr. Lucky

[EnigmasMuse]

Let's add to this, turning around men who use porn as an excuse to demand surgery from their SOs.

 

"Honey, maybe you should get an enlargement like that guy in the porn movie. I would be so turned on, if you did it."

 

 

I do wonder if soem men would feel unattractive, and inadaquate if their spouse was looking at men with huge d*cks. BUT, I guess as long as when she is done looking, and she goes to her husband/partner and says, "It's ok honey, I love you and only you, I don't care if your d*ck isn't as big as those in the porn." (But yet the computer history is is filled with big d*ck porn.)

[EnigmasMuse]

Well, if I'm understanding you correctly, you think that there are some male posters that think that it's OK for them to look at pictures of naked women but inappropriate for their wives or GF's to look at pictures of naked men.

 

I think any reasonable person would agree that's a hypocritical position to take...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I'm sure there are some men who would feel its ok for them to look/watch it but not ok for their spouse/g/f. Maybe not many though. This is based on if it were done alot and affecting the relationship to though.

[manugeorge]

I think this is based on the premises of people who overuse and over indulge and that is just not cool in any relationship.

 

But the interesting question is how exactly do we measure "over use"? For some women, once is too much, for others daily is where they draw the line.

[blair08]

I bet there are more men than we know, who might truly have a problem with their woman looking at it alot. I just think they wouldn't admit it. I think the tongue would be bit hard, and they wouldn't say much about it, you know, male pride and ego. Plus, they might not feel its right to say anything even if bothers them, especially if they are doing the same thing.

[Trialbyfire]

I do wonder if soem men would feel unattractive, and inadaquate if their spouse was looking at men with huge d*cks. BUT, I guess as long as when she is done looking, and she goes to her husband/partner and says, "It's ok honey, I love you and only you, I don't care if your d*ck isn't as big as those in the porn." (But yet the computer history is is filled with big d*ck porn.)

Haha...

 

"Honey, you must admit you're not proportionate!"

[grogster]

As long as the porn did not affect her sexual attraction and erotic interest in me I'm cool. My last GF loved interracial porn-- the bigger, the Blacker the better. That didn't phase me in the least because she always came to me.

 

It's when porn tips over into obsession that the trouble starts.

[Trialbyfire]

I think that's the distinctive difference. Overuse and also being overly expectant of women to be "like pornstars", when most women aren't interested in having anything to do with the skin industry, much less want to emulate someone they don't respect.

 

Turn-around for this type, is fairplay.

[fral945]

You want her to stop, you feel kind of unwanted, and not as desirable as some of the men she is looking at. She doesn't stop, or even begins to hide it.

 

What do you do? How does it make you feel? Worth getting your underwear in a wad over?(pardon the pun) Or would you be able to just up and move on, to someone who doesn't look at it that much, and can make you feel more wanted, by not looking at men with much longer trunks than yours?

 

This is definitely hypothetical, considering I've seen zero posts from men complaining about this and thousands from women.

 

But, since you asked, it would bother me only if she replaced me and preferred the porn to me all the time. As long as sex was frequent enough and good enough, she can look at all the porn she wants. Why would I want her to stop? Why would I feel less desirable?

 

Honestly, it would probably turn me on that she is highly sexual and visually aroused like me. That would most likely mean she is most likely more adventurous in the bedroom, and would be willing to please me sexually in a variety of ways. That would be vs. some prude telling me how degrading all porn is, and only allowing certain types of sex.

 

The only way I would feel bad is if she rubbed it in my face, showed me pictures of big dicks and saying "I wish yours was like that", and told me I needed an implant or something.

 

I'm not sure what you're trying to prove, but you aren't going to get the negative responses (if any) that many women give. Mainly because as a man we understand the importance of the visual in sexual arousal. We can relate to that. I don't think many women can relate in that way to their husband/bf's because they are not wired to be as visually aroused. If they were, there would be real examples of your hypothetical.

[The Collector]

Wait, is my girlfriend looking at it in her private time, or in front of me? Does she talk about it without my asking, or do I quiz her over what she does when I'm not around and maybe snoop in her laptop to see what she's been downloading?

[HokeyReligions]

Not sure what the point is of this post. Its not reality. Men like sex and they like porn. That is a higher priority to men than any woman or any 'emotional' attachment. Women either accept it or don't.

 

Men don't have insecurities about their partners in a relationship - they have insecurities about themselves in a relationship - no matter how they try to disguise or delude themselves.

 

Women tolerate or accept that they are never going to be top priority in a man's life. Men take for granted that they will always be top priority in a woman's life.

 

Lots of people live their whole lives in denial of this and wonder why they don't always feel fulfilled or why they have so many "failed" relationships.

 

There is nothing we can do about it. That's the way it is. No matter how beautiful you may be - there is always someone more beautiful than you that your man will lust after. And if you get ugly as you get older, or have surgery scars or gain/lose too much weight men's attention - even a husband - will wane and they'll look to others or to porn. Women have accepted that for centuries and nothing has changed. Women still feel hurt when the man who is their top priority and whom they love - looks at pornography. Men can never understand it and get angry. No amount of role-play is ever going to make the other side really understand. I can pretend I'm black, but ask a black person if I (a white person) could ever possibly understand the so-named Black Experience. They'll laugh in your face.

[Hyperpen12000]

I only have one thing to say................

 

Same coffee, just a different morning. I would be a crazy to argue about this again!

[Mr. Lucky]

There is nothing we can do about it. That's the way it is. No matter how beautiful you may be - there is always someone more beautiful than you that your man will lust after. And if you get ugly as you get older, or have surgery scars or gain/lose too much weight men's attention - even a husband - will wane and they'll look to others or to porn. Women have accepted that for centuries and nothing has changed. Women still feel hurt when the man who is their top priority and whom they love - looks at pornography. Men can never understand it and get angry. No amount of role-play is ever going to make the other side really understand. I can pretend I'm black, but ask a black person if I (a white person) could ever possibly understand the so-named Black Experience. They'll laugh in your face.

Ah, now we get it. Woman = good. Man = bad. Thanks for the clarification...

 

Mr. Lucky

[EnigmasMuse]

I had a girlfriend that used to write for a well known porn mag, had a huge stash of porn on her hard drive too.Did I care, no, why would I? People like watching people having sex. It's just fantasy. She knew it was fantasy and we had hot sex too so what's the issue?

 

 

No issue. Its hypothetical situation, you gave your input on the fact you would be ok with it. and you should be, thanks.

[EnigmasMuse]

Not sure what the point is of this post. Its not reality. Men like sex and they like porn. That is a higher priority to men than any woman or any 'emotional' attachment. Women either accept it or don't.

 

Men don't have insecurities about their partners in a relationship - they have insecurities about themselves in a relationship - no matter how they try to disguise or delude themselves.

 

Women tolerate or accept that they are never going to be top priority in a man's life. Men take for granted that they will always be top priority in a woman's life.

 

Lots of people live their whole lives in denial of this and wonder why they don't always feel fulfilled or why they have so many "failed" relationships.

 

There is nothing we can do about it. That's the way it is. No matter how beautiful you may be - there is always someone more beautiful than you that your man will lust after. And if you get ugly as you get older, or have surgery scars or gain/lose too much weight men's attention - even a husband - will wane and they'll look to others or to porn. Women have accepted that for centuries and nothing has changed. Women still feel hurt when the man who is their top priority and whom they love - looks at pornography. Men can never understand it and get angry. No amount of role-play is ever going to make the other side really understand. I can pretend I'm black, but ask a black person if I (a white person) could ever possibly understand the so-named Black Experience. They'll laugh in your face.

 

I sure am glad I don't go around saying, "Not usre what the point of this post is, " to other people's post.

 

Since you're not sure what the point is, not sure why you bothered replying, but you sure didn't seem to mind doing so.

 

Its fine to give different opinons or views because everyones has one, but saying not sure what the point of a post is, like disrespecting the fact someone even made a post, no matter what the topic is.

[EnigmasMuse]

I only have one thing to say................

 

Same coffee, just a different morning. I would be a crazy to argue about this again!

 

 

:laugh:...Yep skip to your loo right on to another post.

[EnigmasMuse]

Wait, is my girlfriend looking at it in her private time, or in front of me? Does she talk about it without my asking, or do I quiz her over what she does when I'm not around and maybe snoop in her laptop to see what she's been downloading?

 

 

LOL! :laugh:

[Trialbyfire]

But, since you asked, it would bother me only if she replaced me and preferred the porn to me all the time. As long as sex was frequent enough and good enough, she can look at all the porn she wants. Why would I want her to stop? Why would I feel less desirable?

 

fral, most people, male or female, don't particularly care if porn is viewed at a reasonable level and has no impact into daily life, thus relationship. Once it starts to infringe on daily life, it becomes a problem or addiction.

 

Some of the problems experienced are a reduction of sex life, expectations of sexual conduct where the SO has to emulate porn stars, and truly disgusting porn, where it exceeds the morality of the SO, etc. For example bestiality or kiddie porn. The more liberal say that should be okay but not everyone can live with knowing their SO is into this type of viewing.

[manugeorge]

fral, most people, male or female, don't particularly care if porn is viewed at a reasonable level and has no impact into daily life, thus relationship. Once it starts to infringe on daily life, it becomes a problem or addiction.

 

 

But see, that's the thing, there are women who would argue that porn, even when viewed moderately, or at all, does infringe on their daily life. These women could be getting laid by the hour, showered with incredible amounts of compliments from their SO and they still don't want their SO watching anything that resembles porn, hell, some don't even want him fantasizing about anything but his wife because it makes them feel insecure.

 

Do they have a point? Should this "insecurity" be entertained? Afterall, it's not like they choose to feel insecure, it is an unexplainable feeling that just comes over them. Why should they have to ignore/suppress such a feeling so their their spouse can watch some naked chick on TV? Why can't he just stop watching the naked women on TV to make his wife feel better?

 

I'm just playing devils advocate here, trying to see things from the other side

[Trialbyfire]

But see, that's the thing, there are women who would argue that porn, even when viewed moderately, or at all, does infringe on their daily life. These women could be getting laid by the hour, showered with incredible amounts of compliments from their SO and they still don't want their SO watching anything that resembles porn, hell, some don't even want him fantasizing about anything but his wife because it makes them feel insecure.

 

Do they have a point? Should this "insecurity" be entertained? Afterall, it's not like they choose to feel insecure, it is an unexplainable feeling that just comes over them. Why should they have to ignore/suppress such a feeling so their their spouse can watch some naked chick on TV? Why can't he just stop watching the naked women on TV to make his wife feel better?

 

I'm just playing devils advocate here, trying to see things from the other side

I don't disagree that there are two extremes to this. The insecure and the addict.

 

You'll find that I rarely side with the women who are insecure, unless their SO made an agreement previous, to not view porn. Once an agreement has been reached, people need to hold to their commitments. This doesn't include dictating terms.

 

Perhaps people need to be more realistic in their search for the right SO. The guy who agrees to something he can't uphold shouldn't be trying to deceive his SO, instead either standing firm with his rights to view as long as they're reasonable, or finding someone with compatible values.

 

The same holds true for women who have issues. Set down your boundaries and make him accountable for them or walk, finding someone with compatible values.