Empty Nest Syndrome

[confusedinkansas]

HELP! How does one deal with being empty nesters? My husband & I had done everything (or so we thought) while our kids were growing up to stay connected to each other. We'd have date nights. We'd go out with friends. We stayed pretty much in tune. Then when the kids left - we still felt like "WHAT NOW?" I swore that we would not be "That Couple" ...You all know them... the ones that split up after the kids leave home. But sure enough - WE are that couple.... We are having other marital issues - but are committed to try to re-build from the last 2 years.

How do you learn to be just the 2 of you again?

[Rorocher]

HELP! How does one deal with being empty nesters? My husband & I had done everything (or so we thought) while our kids were growing up to stay connected to each other. We'd have date nights. We'd go out with friends. We stayed pretty much in tune. Then when the kids left - we still felt like "WHAT NOW?" I swore that we would not be "That Couple" ...You all know them... the ones that split up after the kids leave home. But sure enough - WE are that couple.... We are having other marital issues - but are committed to try to re-build from the last 2 years.

How do you learn to be just the 2 of you again?

 

What's stopping you from doing the same things you've always done? date night and outing with friends, etc?

[iceis44]

HELP! How does one deal with being empty nesters? My husband & I had done everything (or so we thought) while our kids were growing up to stay connected to each other. We'd have date nights. We'd go out with friends. We stayed pretty much in tune. Then when the kids left - we still felt like "WHAT NOW?" I swore that we would not be "That Couple" ...You all know them... the ones that split up after the kids leave home. But sure enough - WE are that couple.... We are having other marital issues - but are committed to try to re-build from the last 2 years.

How do you learn to be just the 2 of you again?

My marriage did not survive the empty nest, kids were leaving and i thought oh hel no, dont leave me here with him

[quankanne]

look into marriage enrichment programs, offered either through churches or local entities. They'll give you the tools needed to build your relationship with your husband and forge a new path together.

 

don't look at it as a challenge in the sense of "OMG! WHAT'LL WE DO?!!!" but an adventure

[Ronni_W]

How do you learn to be just the 2 of you again?

I think some of the challenge comes in a belief that the 'couple' must satisfy (all or most) individual needs as well as 'couple' needs.

It is perfectly okay for you each to also pursue interests and hobbies that are not mutual; to expand the social network and numbers of individuals with whom you can relate and enjoy yourselves, separately and independently.

 

If the attempts at "togetherness" became somewhat obligatory and perfunctory over the years, then it wouldn't be enough to sustain you now.

Any mutual interests in traveling, taking up a sport, learning a new language or skill? Golf, billiards, choir, drama group, bowling, darts? Hiking, bird watching? Yoga, kick boxing?

Or perhaps he goes to art classes on the nights you go bowling? And you both learn golf together. Mix and match until some combination works for both of you. Getting out of a rut is tough, and does need some creativity and sense of exploration.

 

Maybe even try to cultivate a (mutual) mindset that you are NOT "empty nesters" but "second time 'round honeymooners" ... anything that will bring in a different dynamic that is filled with opportunity for new adventures.

 

And, of course, not to forget that you guys also now get to find new and interesting places to have sex (at HOME, that is .)

[Ruby Slippers]

I would get out and do the things you enjoy together -- hiking, dancing, sports, nature walks, photography, cooking classes, vacations, whatever floats your boat.