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Can't stand SIL


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Old 5th April 2008, 9:25 PM   #1
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Can't stand SIL

I've been lurking about this issue for awhile, but I haven't seen anyone ask this question. So, now I'll just ask it. Is it wrong to want my brother to get divorced? I just can't stand my sister-in-law. It's not what she's done to me, but to my brother. She puts him down constantly and now calls him names to their children. I know he adores her, but how can he stand it? They fight constantly about raising my nephews - if he says no, she says, "Dad is just being mean." If he says yes, she tells him in front of the children that since he works so much, he doesn't get a vote.

My brother does work a lot - he's an attorney - but he's a great provider and family man. I know that he adores my SIL, but she's just so difficult I can't imagine why. He's distanced himself from family and now, after they moved eight hours away, she doesn't like their friends so they have to make new ones.

Lately, he's talked about being depressed and possibly moving again. They can't move my nephews again - this will be their third school in five years. But, it seems like that's what they do. They just move when my SIL has exhausted all of her "friend" opportunities in a new community.

BTW, I think she drinks quite a bit and now my brother is, too. My parents say that I need to stay out of it (I said something once when they moved five years ago and didn't speak to my brother for almost a year over it), but even they agree that she's just so controlling and mean spirited that they don't want to be around her either.

Why do men even fall in love with women like this?
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Old 5th April 2008, 9:37 PM   #2
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The same reason the sun will rise in the morning, because it does.

Georgia, I think you really shouldn't join in with your brothers familial problems, he is a big boy now. Let him on with it, but be there if he needs a hand or a shoulder.

It must be hard to watch someone treat someone you love like this, but it is his life and his wife, so its his strife.
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Old 5th April 2008, 9:37 PM   #3
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Don't interfer...Just be there for him when they DO divorce. He loves her and it's his marriage, so don't bad mouth her to him.

In the meantime, deal with him, not with her. Be nice to her though when you do her as she is your nephew's mom...You don't have to like her (I'm not fond of my sister in law either, but I am pleasent to her) just get along with her well enough that it is easiest on the kids.
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Old 5th April 2008, 9:49 PM   #4
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My momma will love you both! She keeps telling me to keep peace in the family. I guess I just wonder how long it has to go on before he finally wakes up. BTW, I have three nephews, not just one.

I feel so badly because I honestly am not sure if he really loves her or loves the idea of their family. I also think he's worried that if they do split up, it will devestate them financially and she'll make seeing the boys an absolute nightmore. There's no question that she'd get primary custody - she's been a stay-at-home mom since they were born.

I just hate to see them continue to go down this road. Are all divorces this awful to watch? If you would have asked me five years ago when they moved the first time, I would have said they'd be divorced by now.
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Old 5th April 2008, 10:03 PM   #5
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Maybe they will surprise you, I wish them all good luck.
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Old 6th April 2008, 11:51 AM   #6
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I do agree... I just need to vent! Her latest stunt? My parents just went to visit them. They are in good health, but the eight-hour drive to their house is not an easy one for them (and flying's not a good option because there's layovers and airport drives which makes it the same amount of time). Anyway, my brother and SIL haven't gone to see my parents because it's "boring" at their house. So, my parents make this drive and she makes them uncomfortable the entire time they're staying there. Originally, they bought a house with an extra bedroom because family would be so far away. Now, she made my mom uncomfortable with comments about how she was going to go looking for a smaller house in a different neighborhood (remember, they have to make NEW friends now) and that she doesn't really want a spare bedroom anymore.

Then, my mom and dad bought them a very expensive wine decanter for Christmas. They're very hard to buy for because my SIL insists that everything be to her specifications, but knowing how much they enjoy wine, my mom went out of her way to buy this decanter and have it shipped to them. My SIL told her that she didn't like it and had re-gifted it for another wedding!

Finally, my dad said something about how the kids are getting a little wild and she told both of my parents - in front of my brother - that it's because he's such a lousy dad. Urgh!!! I just want her out of our lives.
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Old 6th April 2008, 12:01 PM   #7
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Couldn't stand my SIL either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by georgia girl View Post
Finally, my dad said something about how the kids are getting a little wild and she told both of my parents - in front of my brother - that it's because he's such a lousy dad. Urgh!!! I just want her out of our lives.
Certtainly don't blame you for disliking yours. However, if you need to harbor resentments thney should be directed at your mbrother. After all, he's the one who brought her into your family.

My "solution" was that I divorced the ex. No more of that wife. No more sister-in-law whom I'd known since high school and never did like. But I married her sister. What WAS I thinking?
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