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Unhappy in marriage...


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I have two reasons for writing this post. They are, in no particular order, to get it out and have “told” someone and to get advice from the forum. I have been reading posts here for the past couple of weeks and it seems like a great place for some neutral dialogue and input.

 

My problem is that I am not very happy in being married. Never really have been. The confounding problem is that my wife is a good person and she doesn’t deserve to have me divorce her and make her feel the misery I feel. I will admit I have some trust issues with her regarding how she handles money and her first marriage. We have been together about six years and have been married for 3 ½ years. No kids. We have tried, she is older and that is part of the problem also. We both want kids. She knows I could go on get remarried and have a family. She on the other hand is close to the age where it won’t be possible for her anymore. We are going to start MC but the truth is if I could get out right now without any consequences or hurting her by leaving I would. Life would be great with a reset button wouldn’t it?

 

I know she truly loves me in a way that I don’t love her. I think she is a great friend and love her but for the most part I’m not “in love” with her. Hard to explain although I think some of you out there know what I am talking about. The whole thing came to a head last weekend and I really lost it when she was overdrawn on her checking account yet again. Second time this month alone. Anyway I threw a fit and then tossed my wedding ring at her. Major bad move I know. It really hurt her emotionally. At that point the fighting continued but in the end we did have a good discussion about us and how I have been feeling and whether I still love her and want to get a divorce or try to work it out. During that conversation she even offered to leave me and let me start over with reference to me being able to find someone younger and have a family. That is why I can say she is a good person, truly loves me, and doesn’t deserve to be hurt again.

 

Now here is some of the background that led up to that episode. As I said I haven’t been thrilled about being married for a variety of reasons. I feel trapped, I want someone who will do more active things with me, cooks more for me, etc. She doesn’t work but does do some volunteer work. I work about 45-50 hours per week and do most of the shopping, my own laundry, and cooking (she maybe cooks 2-3 times per month). She’ll have been out at meetings and forgets to pick up some dog food or groceries so I have to stop on my way home from work. Those kinds of things upset me. Wow, writing this I wonder if I could whine some more, anyway. The week before the big fight I had been planning to have a talk with her about how I felt that upcoming weekend. Kind of felt low and out of it the whole week. The weekend came and Saturday was actually great. She was up early doing some cleaning had made me breakfast the weekend before and I thought it was really turning around and I kept my mouth shut. Then I found out about the overdraft late Saturday night and lost it.

 

What made me decide to talk to my wife in the first place that week was this terrible crush I had recently developed on someone I know. Before that I was ok telling myself I was unhappy being married, I would get by without any children, and just taking it day by day. Now I had these strong emotions and really wanted to get out. I have rationalized and analyzed this crush and know it is no good but I can’t change the way it makes me feel. The woman is divorced, the same age as my wife, has two children, and can’t have any more. I would be jumping out into a similar situation regarding kids but with many more complications. This whole thing is stupid but I can’t change the way I feel right now. Can’t eat, hardly sleep, not doing anything but getting through one day at a time. This only started about 2 weeks ago with the crush and I am trying to give it time and let it pass. Once/If it does, hopefully I will be able to move forward.

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Wow that's tough!

 

On the one hand you don't want to walk away from her and make her feel like you took her best years and now she cannot form a family, on the other starting a family with her would seal the deal. Once you have kids you are pretty much commited to being there with her for the long haul, or at least it should be.

 

Can I ask you something? If she doesn't work and you do the cooking cleaning and laundry what the heck does she do all day? are you sure you are not exaggerating a bit? If you aren't I don't see how she would be able to pull off being a mom AND a W, talk about entering into something totally dooming...

 

I think you need to sit her down and level with her.

 

Is there still attraction there?

 

Lastly, you flipped out about her overdrawn bank account what money is in there is she does not work?

 

sorry for all the questions, I need to get a better feel here...

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She does volunteer work but mostly she is at home with the dogs. Actually, I feel she puts more effort toward the volunteer stuff than me. There are issues with depression and I think this has something to do with some of the lack of energy. She will do her own laundry and looks after the house, etc.

 

The point about being a Mom and W are things I have thought of also. I see other women running around with two or more kids in tow at the grocery store and wonder if my wife could pull it off. I sort of made reference to that with my wife once when we were at a friends house and the working wife with two kids under age 2 had made dinner for the family. My wife said dogs don't take naps like kids. I thought that is why we have dog crates!

 

There is attraction sometimes but overall I don't think so.

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TC, Why did you marry her in the first place? Didn't you discuss children, finances, lifestyle etc. BEFORE you tied the knot??

 

There seem to be a bunch of issues intertwined here.

  • You are not in love with her, you're not happy being married, you want kids
  • She doesn't cook, clean, or do the domestic crap that occurs in real life
  • She overspends/overdraws the bank account
  • You've got a crush on another woman

So are you saying that you would be happy married to soccer mom that was a domestic whiz and could bear kids?? In other words, it's not marriage that makes you unhappy, rather being married to your W that's the problem.

 

Even if you were to fulfill your crush and move into a relationship with the other woman, how do you know that real life like bills, domestic crap etc. won't intrude?? Let's face it far away hills are greener.

 

For arguments sake, let's say you leave the M. Now what?? Jump into another relationship?? I think that if you decide to leave the M, you need to spend sometime on your own and figure out exactly what it is you're looking for in a M and a W.

 

So in your wildest imaginings, your craziest fantasies, what is your idea of nirvana? What is it you want in a W and M? Describe your perfect scenario.

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Just curious...given her age, has your wife ever had her hormone levels checked? Thyroid?

 

Is she on any meds?

 

When you say she loves you in a way you don't love her, what do you mean? I look for love to be actions of caring and I see a dearth here.....

 

Forestall the crush. In the long run you'll be happy that you did. Trust me.

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Okay, I'll be the rebel here. If you're truly unhappy, get out. Separate and see if you really want a divorce. If you do, then go ahead and get it. Life is way too short. Yes, the commitment you made to marriage should be for the rest of your lives, but if you're unhappy and ultimately, not in love, your wife deserves to be adored and you should be with someone who rocks your world.

 

Now, for the not-so-rebel response. Forget the crush. Take care of the relationship you've got before starting something new. That's the adult way to handle your life. Sorry if I sound harsh, but all you're going to do if you don't take care of business first is become the guy you promised yourself you never would be. In the end, everyone gets hurt and no one leaves with their dignity. Is that truly what you want for your life?

 

Good luck.

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It incenses me when I read that your wife implied that having dogs is harder than having kids because they don't nap. First of all, they do. Secondly, sometimes kids don't. And even when the kids get older, go to school, etc.., there is a whole other list of stuff to deal with. I've got kids, I've had dogs: dogs are MUCH less work.

I think you resent the fact that your wife is not pulling her weight in the household, and I don't blame you. I work full-time and I have kids and I cook dinner 6 nights out of 7 (at least), I am writing this at 11 pm between loads of laundry, the last person to push the vacuum cleaner around was me. If I was doing all this while my SO was busy volunteering and not helping out, I'd fall out of love pretty damn quick.

The crush is just a diversion, an excuse to get out. I know of which I speak. It is NOT a solution. It could be a case of same crap, different platter, so beware.

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The whole thing came to a head last weekend and I really lost it when she was overdrawn on her checking account yet again. Second time this month alone. Anyway I threw a fit and then tossed my wedding ring at her. Major bad move I know. It really hurt her emotionally. At that point the fighting continued but in the end we did have a good discussion about us and how I have been feeling and whether I still love her and want to get a divorce or try to work it out. During that conversation she even offered to leave me and let me start over with reference to me being able to find someone younger and have a family. That is why I can say she is a good person, truly loves me, and doesn’t deserve to be hurt again.

Every married person experiences what you're going through now in the ups and downs of a normal relationship. We all have wives that overdraw the account (or the equivalent) or we all have husbands that chronically miss the laundry basket. Welcome to the real world.

 

I think all this acting out with the tossing of your ring and the fights have more to do with this 3rd party crush than you realize. Intellectually, you realize that it's a distraction from the effort that needs to be put in to your marriage. But emotionally, you're hooked on the endorphins released by your feelings for this OW. You're pulled both ways - not an unusual situation.

 

Are you willing to do the work necessary to get your marriage back on track? If not, you're only wasting time...

 

Mr. Lucky

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RecordProducer
I will admit I have some trust issues with her regarding how she handles money and her first marriage.
Can you elborate these two things please?

 

She doesn’t work but does do some volunteer work. I work about 45-50 hours per week and do most of the shopping, my own laundry, and cooking (she maybe cooks 2-3 times per month).
It seems like there is no connection between the two of you. I can't imagine a woman who doesn't feel good about preparing dinner for her husband at least a few times a week and it doesn't have to be some grandious cooking. I totally cannot understand the separate laundry thing. What's wrong with doing the laundry for both? It's as if she is grossed out by your underwear and you by hers. Who made up this rule? It sounds like she didn't want to do the laundry altogether and then you said each does their own, which is what I would suggest, too.

 

The weekend came and Saturday was actually great. She was up early doing some cleaning had made me breakfast the weekend before and I thought it was really turning around and I kept my mouth shut. Then I found out about the overdraft late Saturday night and lost it.
I am not sure if this measn that you would actually consider staying if she would change or if it's pointless because you're basically done.

 

What made me decide to talk to my wife in the first place that week was this terrible crush I had recently developed on someone I know.
I wonder if you're not in love with your wife because of this woman or this woman entered your heart because you're not in love with your wife anymore. I hope you don't dump your wife for a stupid crush instead of going to MC and improving your marriage.

 

My wife said dogs don't take naps like kids

Why did she say that? Did you point out the other woman's energetic lifestyle? Perhaps you've been too critical of your wife. Her depressive state tells me that she isn't happy with you either. Have you talked to her about her emotional needs? How is your sex life?

 

By the way, kids are much more handful than dogs. :laugh:

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I'll try to give some more info to the questions posed in the excellent replys so far. Thank you all for your input.

 

I realize the crush is what has brought this to the forefront in my life recently. I have rationally analyzed it and know it is not the answer and definitely not the way I would choose to start over a)if I did get a divorce b)if I had never been married in the first place. Just the emotions are so strong. I am letting them die down but it is hard. Thanks for the support.

 

Regarding the money: my wife grew up in a family with a certain standard of living. We live very well but are not to the point of what she had when growing up. She just doesn't budget correctly and is over drawn more often than I would like. The last time it was on a deposit for a fur coat which I told her not to get. BTW her money is for her to do with as she pleases but I don't want her to get us into debt. I make the house payment, the car payment, all utilities and insurances. She pays for a cleaning lady she wanted to have and the lawn service she wanted.

 

The first marriage issue is not about the relationship but the way I piecemeal found out about it. Her first husband admitted within the first week of their marriage he was a homosexual and they rapidly divorced. I did know about this but...on our first visit to the priest in planning our wedding the marriage was still registered in the church. Scrapped the whole marriage ceremony as planned at that point. She finally got an annulment but we married in a civil service before that. I asked her at one point straight up did you have a marriage ceremony, did you walk down the aisle and get married. Response: NO. Found out about two years into our marriage there was actually quite an elaborate wedding in a resort town but she said since it wasn't in the church didn't count. You can imagine how I felt. She said she was trying to protect me. I felt lied to and betrayed.

 

I will also add that I am by no means perfect. I tend to hold things in and then explode. Verbally I can very loud and scary. She understandably does not like this and I know I need to work on it. I do not belittle her at these times and call her fat, lazy, etc. Thank you all again for your input.

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I will also add that I am by no means perfect. I tend to hold things in and then explode. Verbally I can very loud and scary.

 

I had this issue, especially marked when caring for my ill mother. The anger would come out at completely inappropriate times and likely was very confusing to my wife. Therapy has taught me how to communicate my displeasure/concern more contemporaneously, without letting it "build up" and cause an emotional scene. As someone with a sensitive nervous system, I have to ratchet my anger way up (my perceptions) to get "heard", which can be debilitating. So, a calmer, more immediate approach seems to help me anyway.

 

I have no control over what my wife does, but only how I react to it. I knew this before therapy but now I have better tools to react and feel better about myself.

 

Regarding the money issue, IMO, if the two of you can't get on the same page as a "team" to accept and/or improve your "standard of living", it's going to be a lifelong issue. If it were me, I'd set her free, on this issue alone. She needs to respect and value what she has first. I think you found things about her to be attractive, causing you to marry her, but the sticker shock is now getting to you, literally.

 

Is it cheaper to keep her? Hmmm...

 

Since you didn't mention anything about it, I'll reiterate....some emotional issues can be medically-based, so don't discount that. Our personalities and emotions are part of a big chemical factory called the brain :)

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LucreziaBorgia

If you do divorce, take it slow with the woman you have a crush on. Going from childless to two stepchildren can be a shock for some. Your lifestyle will change considerably - everything from sex to money to your social life will be reprioritized to accommodate for children. Having kids is a big step - stepping into someone else's life with someone else's kids is an even bigger one.

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toughchoices

BTW the woman I have a crush on is dating another guy and doesn't (and won't) know I have feelings for her. I'm happy for her but still kind of tears me up. Can't really explain.

 

Update wise my wife had dinner ready for me when I got home. She is also seeing a new therapist and her second session was today. From what she has been doing today I would say it went well. Only time will tell. Changes have been made in the past but lasted all too briefly. I also plan on seeing this therapist and he will be working as our MC.

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RecordProducer

Toughchoices, how come she has her money if she doesn't work? Does she have inheritance or real estate?

 

Isn't it amazing how the paragraphs describing our faults are always much shorter than the ones describing our partners' faults? :laugh: By the way, I also hold things inside me and then explode. I stopped drinking, so now the explosions are almost non-existent, but I still hold things inside me; the amount of anger building up inside me has not diminished, because the source of pain is still present.

 

I don't see that you have big problems objectively. The money and house chores issues could be worked out. Your yelling is something that's really non-desirable and wrong in a marriage. But the biggest problem in my eyes is your lack of interest in your wife. It seems like you are smitten by the other woman and have no romantic feelings left for your wife. In situations like this, it's very important to know whether you would love your wife if the OW didn't show up. It sounds like you're making al kinds of excuses to abandon your wife. I predict that you will start an affair soon. Then you won't leave your wife cuz you will feel sorry for her (read: because it's more convenient to have your cake and eat it too), but you won't marry the other woman because she has two kids and she's not perfect either.

 

You totally sound confused and ready to cheat. Be careful; people lose control over things in a blink of an eye. Think of the long-term consequences. And if you decide to cheat, use a condom. You don't want any STD's or unwanted pregnancies.

 

BTW, you never answered how your sex life is.

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Tough, I reckon the crush is a result of your unhappiness in your marriage. You've encountered another woman of a similar age who's up for all the things your wife isn't - or at least represents "success" in your mind where your wife represents "failure". She has kids, a career, an engaged life where your wife hangs about at home escaping into a refuge with her dogs.

 

She comes from a wealthy family, doesn't work but has money - is daddy paying her allowance or are you? Either way I think she has some major growing up to do, and perhaps it's good that dogs are the most she has to be responsible for since her level of responsibility doesn't seem appropriate for her age. Forgetting to pick up dog food and not being bothered to prepare meals can squeak by seeing as there's a responsible adult in the house who can take care of himself and the dogs, but if there were kids? And she just forgot to feed them all day, and then phoned you later to say, please pick up some food on your way home, I'm out shopping for a fur coat?

 

You're already parenting her, not sure you'd want to be single parent to child-aged kids as well as a wife-aged kid too, so I can understand the attraction to a woman who by contrast is doing it all on her own - bringing up kids by herself instead of being a kid that you have to parent.

 

I hope her counselling works, and that your MC works too - else you'll have to decide if what you want is a marriage (that is, a partnership between two adults, on an equal basis) or to be a single parent of a wife-aged child. If you're not prepared for the latter, and she's not prepared to grow up to the former, you'd best separate and find happiness somewhere else - alone, or with a woman who's prepared to be an adult in the relationship.

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RecordProducer
Tough, I reckon the crush is a result of your unhappiness in your marriage.
I am not so sure about this.
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toughchoices

The money she gets monthly is from a trust fund as well as money I give on occassion. I try to pay for the big expenses which may come up such as medical bills, prescriptions, car repairs.

 

The comment about being a parent is interesting because she has in the past stated "You're not my father" referring to the fact I may act as a parent in some situations. I don't know if this is a role I have at times taken on because of the way she acts. I have told her in the past that sometimes I feel like a parent because I am there bailing her out. I also try to give advice and when she doesn't listen and things turn out bad I do sometimes take the "see I told you so" attitude.

 

Regarding our sex life: she is very interested in it and motivated. I am not and I believe this has to do with my current level of attraction to her. The intimacy level whether sex or just being with her is probably one area I need to work on but at times I just don't feel close to her in that way.

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How is your relationship otherwise? Do you talk, have fun together? Do you generally like and respect her? Is she good company? There's a lot more to marriage than money and sex (although these can be major points of agreement/contention).

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RecordProducer
The money she gets monthly is from a trust fund as well as money I give on occassion. I try to pay for the big expenses which may come up such as medical bills, prescriptions, car repairs.

Where does her money go? How much does she spend on mutual things (food, clothes for you and her, dog stuff, utilities, vacations, new equipment and devices, gas, car/life/house insurance, health care, etc.?

 

It's important because apparantly it's important to you.

 

When did you become disinterested in sex with your wife and when did the other woman show up?

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toughchoices

The money my wife gets goes to a cleaning person and our yard service she wanted. She also pays for some of her medical expenses as far as Rx co pays and Dr. visits, gas for her car, etc. I take care of the rest and am fine with it. I just don't like her spending money and then being overdrawn (see above posts about fur coat).

 

I have been disinterested in sex except on occassion for probably 2 1/2 to 3 years. The OW has been around for about for about 1 1/2 years at my work but it wasn't until last month that I developed this crush. Don't know what triggered it at that time but again she is not aware of it and is in a happy relationship at this time.

 

Otherwise I would say our relationship has its ups and downs like any other. We do seem to fight quite a bit though. At times I can't stand her and at other times I do want to please her and make her happy. We have been talking quite a bit these past two weeks about our troubles and for the first time I am telling her the truth on how I feel. This of course doesn't always go over well.

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Your marriage is not beyond repair, but you have to decide it is worth putting in the effort to fix.

 

I'm sure your MC will point out that you and your W don't communicate well with each other at all. You say things, but not the things you really need to. You both withold thoughts and resentments and then let those feelings sour yourselves and the relationship. You both sound depressed and checked out. You both feel unloved and therefore unloving. It has made her unmotivated and caused you to start looking for an excuse to leave (the classic exit affair). This is not completely unlike what had happened in my 26 year marriage, though for very different reasons.

 

The crush is, as one poster said, a diversion. It gives you something exciting to look forward to and seems to offer an escape of some sort. It isn't an escape, it is a trap. But you won't see that until you have stepped into it. Please don't make that mistake. It will only make things worse and you will hate yourself in the end.

 

You can't make yourself love someone more, but you can create conditions that may ultimately make you both feel more loving.

 

o You need to learn new ways to express yourselves to each other. The MC should help. If they don't, find a new one.

 

o You need to both decide what kind of life you really want and if it is possible to have that life with each other.

 

o She needs some focus in her life and something of her own to care about. She needs to develop a better sense of self-worth and accomplishment than she seems to have now. The better she feels about herself, the better she will feel about you.

 

o Few things can make a wife feel as bad about herself as a husband who has no sexual interest in her. This gets to the very core of feeling accepted and loved and this alone can bring on a tidal wave of self loathing and depression. You have a problem and you can't put it all back on her. Get two books - The New Male Sexuality and Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. Both deal with the mental and physical parts of marital intimacy and could be very helpful. The first book is older and you'll have to go through Amazon to find.

 

o If you can get your marriage on track, why can't you adopt?

 

o I hear hints that she may fear she will not be able to be a good mother and you may be sending her that message as well. She behaves like an overgrown child and you do throw off tone like a disappointed parent more than a H. She needs to feel like a competent mature adult in order to feel comfortable becoming a parent. Expect and ask for more from her. It can be made to feel like a vote of confidence, not a criticism.

 

I hope the counselling helps, but do try the books. There a lot of good perspectives there in understanding yourself and your spouse.

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mysocalledlife

Toughchoices, I can really relate to a lot of what you are saying. My situation is very similar, unhappy marriage, recent crush, etc., although the details are somewhat different.

 

Do you feel that you know what you want? I get the sense from you posts that you are deeply unhappy, but that some part of you wants to make it work. If so, I think you and your wife really need to consider MC. If you are conflicted about what you want, and it sounds like you might be, you might want to try some C for yourself to sort out where you are at, and if you are at the end, that might help you figure out where to go from here.

 

I agree with smartgirl that your marriage is likely not beyond repair. But you, and your wife, will need to want to make it work and be willing to work hard at it.

 

FWIW, Someone years ago once told me that if you are considering ending any significant long term relationship, you should try and envision things 5-10 years in the future. If you can see yourself still with your SO at that point, and especially if you can imagine you both being happy, then you should at least try to make things work. On the other hand, if you find it difficult to even envision yourself with them, let alone the both of you being happy, then maybe you need to consider moving on.

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toughchoices

I start my MC next week. We are going to the same therapist and she has already had several visits. My schedule has prevented me from getting in until now. Apparently we are going separately at first and jointly thereafter.? My wife is nervous about me going. She told me one aspect of it is that in the end it turns out that it doesn't work and we do get a divorce. The other part I feel is because she has perhaps been selective in telling her side of the story. One part I feel is her previous marriage and my not being able to "let it go" per the therapist. What I feel however is that she did not tell him that before we were married I asked her point blank and very directly were you married, was there a ceremony, did you walk down the aisle? She said emphatically NO! This was untrue if you have seen my previous posts and I don't think the therapist is aware of this. That is also perhaps why I can't let it go. I don't trust her because she directly lied to me and knows if I had known I may not have gone through with the wedding. Smartgirl...the therapist did tell my wife after her last session that it was about time we were starting to really communicate. Even if it is rough at times IMHO.

 

My...life you have a good point about envisioning the future. I have done that in the past or just thought about the two of us when I am 50 or so. The picture I get is not pretty. Something along the lines of wanting to be dead or killing myself at that juncture. Not good I am sure. I see myself facing every day at that time full of regrets for not getting out and despair for letting this happen to me(I actually feel that way now). Again, trouble is that my wife is a good person who truly has been through some crappy stuff in her life in the past. She says I make her happy and that she loves me which I entirely believe. I don't want to take that away from her and inflict the pain on her that I am now feeling. I am not sure why she continues to do some of the things she does but I know it is not out of spite or animosity. I think at times we just aren't able to get along no matter what type of MC we get or how hard we try to change.

 

She can't wait to see my when I get home or talk to me on the phone. On the other hand when she is out and comes back I feel like fun time is over and dread seeing her. By fun time I mean being by myself and her not being around. I am so sorry for putting her through this. Felt good at the beginning of this post but at this point I am feeling pretty low. One of the things I have admitted to her is that she can't make me happy(as she wants and trys to) because I am basically unhappy with myself. I will be interested in what people think this post is saying about me. Is the problem more me than anything else?

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mysocalledlife

My...life you have a good point about envisioning the future. I have done that in the past or just thought about the two of us when I am 50 or so. The picture I get is not pretty. Something along the lines of wanting to be dead or killing myself at that juncture. Not good I am sure. I see myself facing every day at that time full of regrets for not getting out and despair for letting this happen to me(I actually feel that way now).

 

Ouch. Not to sound glib, but that is just not good.

 

She can't wait to see my when I get home or talk to me on the phone. On the other hand when she is out and comes back I feel like fun time is over and dread seeing her. By fun time I mean being by myself and her not being around. I am so sorry for putting her through this. Felt good at the beginning of this post but at this point I am feeling pretty low. One of the things I have admitted to her is that she can't make me happy(as she wants and trys to) because I am basically unhappy with myself. I will be interested in what people think this post is saying about me. Is the problem more me than anything else?

 

No matter where the problem comes from, these quotes tell me that you really should consider some IC before you do anything drastic with your M. To say that you are unhappy with yourself is no small thing and it makes me wonder how that is affecting your view of your M, not to mention the rest of your life.

 

Going back and re-reading your fist post makes me wonder when you first started being unhappy in this M. Obviously there was something(s) that spurred you to marry her in the first place, but it kinda sounds like things went sour for you pretty quick. I guess I am asking this because I am wondering if there was something good in the beginning to "get back to"?

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toughchoices

The thing with getting married looking back on it is that I guess it all just happened so fast. We were together about two years before being married but it just was assumed we would get married. I had reservations before the wedding but was too cowardly or immature to put a stop to it. I am obviously regretting that now. That should be a lesson for others out there with doubts to take a good hard look at the relationship. I am paying for it now. Would it have been difficult then? Yes. Is it more difficult now? Absolutely!

 

I will be starting the MC next week and it seems the first visits are IC which as has been suggested for me is a good idea. Thanks mysocalledlife :).

 

BTW the crush is finally starting to abate. Still get the flutters when I see her each day or hear her voice but I have been limiting contact at work as much as possible. Again there is no outside contact and she has no idea how I feel. I am starting to feel happy for her again in her current relationship instead of upset that she wouldn't be there in case I got out of my M and wanted to start something. I realize this aspect is all about me and is very selfish but still difficult to get through the feelings.

 

My wife really is trying at home and hoping things will go well with the MC. I am not that optimistic after a discussion we had this weekend. Unfortunatly I am regarding the MC at this point as a way to help her cope with the fact I want out. If the therapist agrees it might make it easier. I just don't know and in the end who really knows how the MC will affect me or change my attitude?:confused:

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