Feel Trapped?

[Micke81]

So, I'd like to ask a question. How common do you think feeling trapped in your life/marriage is? If you've read my journal's, I'm not asking if you've ever done anything like that, or acted on these feelings before, just want to know how common the feelings are.

 

Is it possible to be in a picture perfect life and still feel trapped? Ok, obviously it's possible, my question is more on...is it common? I thought I was the only one, and it (the feelings, let's not talk about actions) made me a bad person, but after talking to a friend, maybe it's not so uncommon?

[Toccoah]

made me a bad person, but after talking to a friend, maybe it's not so uncommon?

Not at all. It's very normal. I have a 'Great' marriage/life with my husband, But I feel trapped every day. Some want the 'Grow old with one' factor and some simply can't live in that kind of environment or don't want to conform to that type of lifestyle. People change. People grow and while some are growing, so merely stay the same. It's a part of a life. So feeling trapped is extremely normal, it's figuring out how to deal with it that's tough.

[torranceshipman]

I reckon it is really, really common! But people seem to marry so young, like, mid 20s or whatever, and M is for life - thats 50 odd years you've signed up for! I wonder if most people actully think that through properly. And people change so much from their 20's to their 30's etc, sometimes you end up not having much in common....or even if you stil do, maybe you start to feel trapped, like you've missed out on a lot of life and opportunities even if you do really care about that person-because you married so young...I think its very common to feel like that!

 

I think marrying much later is a brilliant idea! When i do get M, it it'll be for life, but because I find the idea so scary (lol!) I know I need to live a lot of life before I actually do it, so I am sure it WILL last!

 

Why do you ask?

[Micke81]

Why do you ask?

 

I think knowing that it's common it helpful in learning how to deal with it. Like just because you have those feelings doesn't mean that you made a huge mistake. It makes them feel less dramatic. Does that make sense?

[Micke81]

Only two responses? Even if the answer is, "No, I've never felt trapped in my 40 yrs of marriage" I want to hear it. I guess if you are in a bad relationship this question isn't as applicable...it's mostly for those that have no reason to be less that happy. Do you ever feel trapped?

[Storyrider]

Yes, I've felt and feel trapped as a wife and mother. I wonder sometimes if this is just my personality, to sign up for something and then resent it. Or is it human nature?

 

Other times I think, isn't that sort of the purpose of marriage, but couched in different terms. A contract is a trap, in a sense. It binds you into staying with someone even when your feelings tell you otherwise. It is reinforced by shame, as dozens or hundreds of people witness you taking vows. You would disappoint all those people if you split up.

 

But marriage is very very good for children and society. It is sometimes good for the spouses, sometimes not.

[Kasan]

Of course I have felt trapped in my marriage, and I am pretty certain that my husband has felt that way one time or another. I remember feeling like this in my late 30's....I guess some kind of MLC.

 

I think that it's human nature to say what the h*ll did I get myself into, and wonder if you made the right decision.

 

Do I feel the feeling often? Thankfully no, or I would have had to take a hard look at my marriage and make a decision on whether or not I should stay married.

 

There is no such thing as the "perfect" marriage, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. You would be surprised how dysfunctional these "perfect" marriages can be.

[Meaplus3]

So, I'd like to ask a question. How common do you think feeling trapped in your life/marriage is? If you've read my journal's, I'm not asking if you've ever done anything like that, or acted on these feelings before, just want to know how common the feelings are.

 

Is it possible to be in a picture perfect life and still feel trapped? Ok, obviously it's possible, my question is more on...is it common? I thought I was the only one, and it (the feelings, let's not talk about actions) made me a bad person, but after talking to a friend, maybe it's not so uncommon?

 

I have heard of many over the year's that have felt this way so I would find it quite normal...I guess. If your feeling bad about it perhap's have a talk with your spouse?

 

AP:)

[Micke81]

I have talked to my spouse about it. That's the thing, we can even talk about these kind of things. The relationship is really good. The only complaint is a lack of passion, which we've also talked about. Just because we can talk about it doesn't mean we've got a great solution.

 

I'm just wondering if it is something that all or most couples that are in otherwise good relationships go through, and so I shouldn't think that it is as huge of a red flag as I've made it out to be. Does that make sense?

[foreverinlove]

To answer your question, no I've never felt trapped and as far as I know neither has my husband. We both got married very young (me 18, he 19) and we have been married for almost 42 years. We still are very much in love, can't get enough of each other, and we are each others best friend.

[billgreene]

Hell yea i feel trapped.... forget the marriage now... it's the child that holds me home..... i suggest not having kids until your marriage is more secure.... cause then youre REALLY trapped, or you won't just dissapoint your child, you could screw them up for life.... but on another note... it sounds like the two of you get along really well, but the passion and excitement has worn off. Are you going on weekly "dates"? Are you still planning surprises for each other once a month? I suggest the book 101 nights of romance or 101 nights of great sex. They're fun little dates you can plan where everything works together, good ideas. Maybe try keeping the book a secret and using some of the dates to see how she reacts before you give away your secret to your newfound "creativeness" who knows, maybe she'll find something similar, or just respond on her own. Sounds like you still have the kindling to burn there, just need a spark... someone's gotta make the spark, y not you?

 

(coming from a guy in a bad relationship with 8 mo of MC under my belt, but still struggling - just for context)

[Micke81]

Thanks for the advice Bill. I'm actually the wife here, but maybe I could try it anyway. Although I don't know, I think that passion and romance are just not qualities my husband has. I guess I knew that when I married him and thought it didn't matter, but it turns out it does. I outright asked him to write me a love letter about a week ago...nothing, even though I wrote him one a month ago. We do go out, but I guess we don't really treat it as a "date". We don't get dressed up or anything, it's mostly when neither of us feels like cooking.

 

Well foreverinlove -- that sounds wonderful, it really does. Do you think you are just really well matched, or do you think there is another reason that you've been so lucky?

[Curmudgeon]

Is it possible to be in a picture perfect life and still feel trapped? Ok, obviously it's possible, my question is more on...is it common? I thought I was the only one, and it (the feelings, let's not talk about actions) made me a bad person, but after talking to a friend, maybe it's not so uncommon?

 

All too often that "picture perfect" life is just as one-dimensional as any picture would be.

 

Perhaps we feel that we should be happy so we convince ourselves that we are while deep down inside we really miss or resent something; perhaps loss of freedom, perhaps periods of solitude, perhaps financial independence, maybe just the ability to socialize with others at will.

 

You're not alone. I felt that way much of the time in my former marriage. Having experienced that in the past i now know that I can and will walk away from my current marriage if I ever begin to feel that way again.

[foreverinlove]

Well, forverinlove--that sounds wonderful, it really does. Do you think you are just really well matched, or do you think there is another reason you've been so lucky?

 

I guess it's both. We always were able to talk about anything and everything. We also had kids right away ( 2 sons), so we had to grow up fast. But, we always put each other first. Don't get me wrong, the kids never lacked love and affection, it's just that we made sure we spent some alone time with each other every day. The kids grew up seing us hug, kiss, snuggle and hold hands (we still do that), and now they are themselves in good long term marriages and do the same with their wifes.

 

It wasn't always a bed of roses, we had our problems and arguments now and then, but we kept talking it out until we reached a compromise.

 

Ten years ago, my husband went through a life threatening illness and it took him a year to recover. That was the most difficult challenge we ever faced. Then, four years ago I almost died during an emergency surgery. All this just brought us even closer together.

 

I think the most important things in a marriage is to make sure your spouse knows that they are the most important person in your life, and to communicate. If something is bothering you let the other person know in a calm and nonthreatening way, and then discuss it.