Thinkalot Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Why do you stay in your marriage? Love and committment are obvious and 'right' answers. They are the main reasons I stay in my marriage even when it seems tough and during the times when I don't even like him much. I guess if I am honest though, I also stay partly because of the time and energy I have already invested in this, because I am getting older and don't like the idea of starting again (and realise the grass may not be greener anyway- all relationships have issues of some kind), because in practical and financial terms are lives are so interwoven, to leave would not be a simple process at all, because I want to have kids and don't want to miss the chance... Those reasons are things I suspect many people feel in some way or other, but wouldn't dare voice...because they aren't good 'right' reasons to stay. In any case, just wondered how others feel? I guess in the end, in my case, whenever we have had a rough patch and I have considered whether leaving would be a better option, I do feel that my love for him, and the vows we took, are the biggest motivators in me staying. But those other reasons do come into play somewhere too. And to anyone who has been around here for a while and remembers me, hello! I don't come on this site often anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 The real reason you stay with him is because you haven't met me. ha ha (kidding). You're right, any relationship has its issues. Some more, some less. And maybe the types of issues change over time. It has to be a work in progress pretty much all the time, at least until you are too old for things to change on you anymore. But that can't be fun. Having not been married, it's a little hard for me to say for sure. But I have been in situations where things were rough, and I chose to stay. Sometimes it's just the deal you make with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 Thanks for the reply Johan. That's true. Plus, when the going is good, the reasons to stay are numerous. Perhaps that's a crucial part of it too- how strong the love is, how good the good times are etc. They can then sustain you and keep you there even when it's tough going. Link to post Share on other sites
HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I wish that I was married very bad, but I am happy that I am not married to who I was engaged to. Once I say I Do, it means it for better or worse divorce is not an option, you stay because it was your word and in the end that is all you have in this world! Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Funny I was asking myself this just the other day. I stay for a lot of reasons. Unfortunately, having a loving, mutually respectful and intimate relationship is not one of them, though God knows I have tried. I stay for what he is NOT: he is not a drinker, smoker, gambler, drug addict, physical abuser, womanizer I stay for what he LOOKS LIKE: he is a good looking guy who is very physically fit, sometimes I feel guilty for this, but part of me feels like he is a bit of a trophy husband. I stay for what he COULD BE: I keep holding out hope that through counseling things will improve in terms of the intimacy and respect...but so far no deal. The counselor tells him he just doesn't get it, but he doesn't even get that the counselor is telling him that. I stay for the KIDS. I stay because I have nowhere else to go. I stay because it is a notch above being alone for me. I stay because I hope that eventually if he can't really give me the love I want, maybe he'll stop with the anger and blame hurling and leave me in peace, which will be almost equivalent to being alone, only with a slightly higher feeling of security. I stay because leaving would be more work than I have the time and energy for. I stay because I don't think I could find somebody better. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 all these answers ring true, especially the longer you stay in a marriage. For me, I think the main selling point is that I've started to realize that we were meant to be together. I mean I wanted him since the start, and I was naive to think that was all it took … 15 years later, I've come to see that even with everything we didn't have in common, we're still able to say "I choose you" every day ... hee hee, even when we're so pissed at each other we want to choke one another. Think about it: We're from different social backgrounds (him an Army brat and with a daddy who couldn't stay still in one spot two years running, me raised in the same small town since I was a year old); different religious backgrounds; different racial backgrounds; different educational backgrounds; different generations (he's 13 years older, more in common with my older sibs) … but by the grace of God, it's worked. And that's what keeps me centered Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I stay because of lots of the reasons you mentioned. We have been together 38 years, married nearly 36 years, lots of kids. If I did not have kids I would leave but then if I had not had the kids I would have been free to travel with him and there would most likely not have been an emotional affair for 11 years. He will still not call it an affair as there was no sex, just a friendship mainly by email. So I suppose I stay because we have a lot of history, still have feelings for each other, still fancy each other sexually and do not want the family to have to deal with the mess that a separation would cause for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts