reasonable demand from husband?

[laura1968]

Hi all - I posted this in general discussions a while back (which I deleted so it stays in one forum. Unfortunately just got a couple of sexist comments from guys, and I feel this is a more appropriate discussion area to post this, as I am looking for opinions mainly from other women that feel independent enough although they are in good relationships.

 

My husband is working a job that takes him away from home for months at a time. We live in a town where there is not much work, and it is common for the men to get jobs that require them to be away for periods of time if they want to make good money.

 

The long & short of it is that I met this woman at the gym that is trying to start up this club of women that real submission wrestle once a month for fun and exercise. Now I am a fit woman, and competitive, but this sounded crazy.

 

I went out to the next meeting to watch and not wrestle, and it looked like so much fun, that I said I might try it in the next meeting. The woman I met and her husband are so nice and said no pressure. The two other women in the club seemed very nice too. One of them recently left their husband and got a divorce, and is looking to get fit again. The other woman has a husband who is travelling for work too, and is looking for fun and exercise too.

 

The first woman told me if I wanted to try it with her just her and noone watching, I could try that too. I didn't feel comfortable going alone, and asked if my sister could come. Anyway, a couple of weeks later my sister and I ended up over at their place and I brought my bike shorts and a t-shirt ready to try it. It was so much fun, and the other woman was impressed by how competitive I was. We were drenched in sweat, and it felt like I had a great workout, and that all my tension building up was drained away. Neither one of us wanted to give up as we are each competitive in spirit, and her husband and my sister said it made them tired just watching!! In a word, it was great, and I was hooked.

 

At the next meeting (all the meetings are at a rented gym space private room) I wrestled the other two women, and beat one and lost to one. It was so much fun, and such a workout!! Things got so intense in one match betwen two of the other women that one woman slapped the other in the face at some point, and after trading a few more ringing faceslaps, they started a death grip on each other's hair. My friend's husband finally got their legs apart from a crazy scissor/hair hold, and a couple of minutes later the women were laughing and hugging each other. Competitive, but friendly :-)

 

I love having met all these great people as friends, as I get lonely without my husband around. The work he does is really dangerous, so doing this kind of thing and meeting new people keeps my thoughts off of him. I'm glad where he works there are no women because of the physical nature of the work, otherwise I would have another reason to think of him!! When I talk to him and tell him all about it, he said he wishes I wouldn't wrestle anymore, and that he's jealous of my friend's husband getting to watch a "bunch of women catfight" each other.

 

I got mad at him and told him he was sexist that he looks at our competitive fun in such a derogatory way, and we got in a big argument.

I feel like I have a right to do this activity if I have so much fun doing it, and it's great exercise and a great release. The woman I met said she would do this whether or not she was married, and that her husband had nothing to do with starting the club up. She wrestled a few years back in high school, and always thought it was the best and most fun form of exercise.

 

Should I do as my husband asks me, and stop, or keep up this great exercise and fun?

 

Laura

[PandorasBox]

I'm not really sure what to tell you. maybe in your husband's mind, he feels there are other ways of getting exercise and having fun other than wrestling with this people?

 

The only other thing, is, maybe put yourself in his shoes and what if it were you that was out of town on business and he took up this kind of thing.

[laura1968]

if I was out of town and he was into any kind of competitive sport, and he was having fun, I would be completely supportive.

[PandorasBox]

if I was out of town and he was into any kind of competitive sport, and he was having fun, I would be completely supportive.

 

 

Even if there were women there cheering them on? Kind of like how your husband got mad, since one of the ladies husband's there watching the "catfight?"

 

Its really a hard call. I guess if you're having fun with it, and you know if your husband was the one doing it and you'd be ok with it, then continue on.

[laura1968]

yes even if there were women cheering them on. who cares? when people compete there are often spectators.

 

I still don't think this is reasonable for my husband to ask me to just stop.

 

It's fun, and keeps me fit.

[whichwayisup]

So basically he is jealous or has fears that it will turn into one big orgy afterwards? With the husband either sitting there, watching and jerking off, or joining in?

 

Find out what his real fears are, it could be something deeper...Or, maybe he feels that kind of contact and physical roughness could lead you to a lesbian experience??? I dunno..

[DazedandConfused66]

I think you need to observe the fact that he's a long ways from home, lonely and feels like he's putting himself thru a lot to provide for you and (if you have one) the family.

 

That said, you need to understand WHY he feels the way he does about you engaging in submission wrestling. Keep in mind that this is a 'niche' sport and he may not have a clue what is involved, other than catfighting and having some woman's husband there like a lecher watching it all....obviously NOT what is happening, but you have the advantage of being there, in person, your husband does not. For all he knows, he goes out and googles female submission wrestling and comes up with nothing but seedy porn sites. In fact....go do that yourself (I just did) and look what you get for search results.....8 of the 10 first results are for porn sites that cater to this niche.

 

Now I know you aren't involved in porn. But I don't know your husband and how he gets his info. If he's thousands of miles away and lonely for you and is concerned/upset over your out-of-house activities....respect that. It doesn't mean you have to stop doing this, but it does mean that continuing to do it after asking his thoughts on it is basically telling him "Well, thanks for your opinion....you are an idiot, I'm doing it anyways."

 

You either respect your spouses' concerns and stop doing it, or try and find a way to communicate to him in a way that makes him comfortable with it. Marriage is about compromise and communication. But truthfully, it's going to be quite difficult to have this kind of conversation over the phone. Maybe you stop this until he's home on break or something next, then take him to one and let him see why you enjoy it so much? Or get your sister to film you in a match (with him knowing you are going to do it of course and using the filming as part of your communication with him about this). Lots of ways you can try and explain your position on the subject....but ultimately, you either don't do it as you know it's upsetting to him or you find a way to convince him that it's ok.

 

This is NOT about asking for permission. This is about making your spouse comfortable with your chosen hobbies. If you do it in spite of his wishes...you are basically starting down a path of deceit, and I can't find anything honorable to the M in that behavior.

 

Good luck...I'm sure if you two talk this out thoroughly, you can reach a compromise.

[armywife915]

I am very surprised because a lot of guys would love the fact that their woman is wrestling with other women!!! I know my H would be. Maybe try to take him to one if he gets a chance and maybe when he sees how much fun you have he will understand and even encourage you.

[laura1968]

ha army wife. that's why I told him too. He should be happy I'm doing this as it keeps me fit for when he comes home :-)

 

the army wives in our group say this exercise is a great release of tension and stress, as it is very draining physically and emotionally, but makes you feel great.

 

I exercise more more than ever before now because I hate losing! We have another meeting next Friday;-)

 

Hopefully you find something to do to keep you fit and happy and occupied while he's away. It is not healthy to think about him all the time, so find something which keeps you occupied psychologically.

[EnigmasMuse]

ha army wife. that's why I told him too. He should be happy I'm doing this as it keeps me fit for when he comes home :-)

 

the army wives in our group say this exercise is a great release of tension and stress, as it is very draining physically and emotionally, but makes you feel great.

 

I exercise more more than ever before now because I hate losing! We have another meeting next Friday;-)

 

Hopefully you find something to do to keep you fit and happy and occupied while he's away. It is not healthy to think about him all the time, so find something which keeps you occupied psychologically.

 

I think maybe he feels there might be other ways to keep fit and get exercise than wrestling other women while men look on. Maybe that is where is problem lies with it, not sure.

 

Anyway, you're right exercise is good, and its not good to think about them to much. So hopefully he is exercising or doing things to keep his mind off you while he is away as well.

[JackJack]

I think its up to you what you want to do. I do think you should take your husbands feeling's into consideration. You already stated you are lonely when he is not there, which is understandable, but that also may leave you vulnerable as well. So becareful while doing the wrestling, because next theing you know you could find yourself in a situation where the wrestling has turned into something more. I'm not saying it will, but it could.

[armywife915]

ha army wife. that's why I told him too. He should be happy I'm doing this as it keeps me fit for when he comes home :-)

 

the army wives in our group say this exercise is a great release of tension and stress, as it is very draining physically and emotionally, but makes you feel great.

 

I exercise more more than ever before now because I hate losing! We have another meeting next Friday;-)

 

Hopefully you find something to do to keep you fit and happy and occupied while he's away. It is not healthy to think about him all the time, so find something which keeps you occupied psychologically.

 

he has been gone for 3 days and i am doing ok so far. im losing motivation for working out in the cold and i have not found anything like u do. i am still looking though. hope u r enjoying yourself!

[Scrivdog]

He's wrong about this. I was a wrestler in high school and college - and as you know there's nothing sexual or tantalizing about the contact. He's just being ignorant.

 

He needs to try it out himslef and he'll get it right away.

 

It IS hard core exercise - some of ther toughest there is. You'll get in great shape.