marriage peaceful but w/o love, considering divorce

[knsc]

This is my situation: married a divorcee 12 years my senior with two children from her previous marriage 15 years ago. I turned 53 this year. At the time I was just happy to have a family for 'free'. I didn't want to be lonely. As soon as we were married I was very disappointed that she didn't have any sexual desire or even passion. While I enjoy being a father having fun with the children (whom I adopted), there is nothing between her and me. We have a peaceful family life, I am a good husband and have great relationship with the children, though I'm very disappointed with my marriage. I can' talk about this to my wife because she won't be able to understand it. Everything seems fine for her. I've always busy with my work so that helps to occupy me. Now the children have both married and are living in different states. I met a woman where I work and I like her very very much. I can feel she also likes me. I am not the kind of unfaithful man who betrays a spouse. I have, however, considered divorce. My wife has a very stable job and very decent salary. I think I have the right to be happy for the remainder of my life, since she does not have emotional attachment to me (there is no love between us. When the children were young, we had common things to do together, but now I'm very hungry for love). If I ask for divorce, I will be very generous about the settlement and make sure she can live a good life in future. Financially I will lose big, but I want love and happiness. I am curious what you all have to say? Is there anything wrong with my intention? Thank you all.

[Meaplus3]

This is my situation: married a divorcee 12 years my senior with two children from her previous marriage 15 years ago. I turned 53 this year. At the time I was just happy to have a family for 'free'. I didn't want to be lonely. As soon as we were married I was very disappointed that she didn't have any sexual desire or even passion. While I enjoy being a father having fun with the children (whom I adopted), there is nothing between her and me. We have a peaceful family life, I am a good husband and have great relationship with the children, though I'm very disappointed with my marriage. I can' talk about this to my wife because she won't be able to understand it. Everything seems fine for her. I've always busy with my work so that helps to occupy me. Now the children have both married and are living in different states. I met a woman where I work and I like her very very much. I can feel she also likes me. I am not the kind of unfaithful man who betrays a spouse. I have, however, considered divorce. My wife has a very stable job and very decent salary. I think I have the right to be happy for the remainder of my life, since she does not have emotional attachment to me (there is no love between us. When the children were young, we had common things to do together, but now I'm very hungry for love). If I ask for divorce, I will be very generous about the settlement and make sure she can live a good life in future. Financially I will lose big, but I want love and happiness. I am curious what you all have to say? Is there anything wrong with my intention? Thank you all.

 

Nothing at all wrong with your intention, your HUMAN! We all need love and love from a spouse should be the first importance. I understand this and I am now on my way to MC with my H to try my very best to get that love back. Have you considered MC or any therapy at all? I have been told by so many to try your best to make it work. If it does not work, than you will have walked away with a sense of giving it your best shot. Best of luck to you.

 

AP:)

[get.mos]

nothing wrong with questioning whether you should end this relationship, dahling. people get into relationships for different reasons. i have a friend whose relationship seems more intent on social status than intimate love. i myself am more concerned about being in love.

 

you are in a difficult situation; one not so different from my own, so i can completely empathize. you'll soon discover that there is no timeframe for your decision making. you can decide tomorrow; you can decide in two months, two years, or not ever. and only you will know what is best for you.

 

good luck.

[whichwayisup]

I can' talk about this to my wife because she won't be able to understand it. Everything seems fine for her. I've always busy with my work so that helps to occupy me.

 

What do you mean she wouldn't be able to understand it? Is she retarded? Sorry, but this is a lame excuse NOT to have a serious discussion with your wife. Do you love her? Do you want a more passionate relationship with your wife? I say, lay it out for her and make some changes. Maybe there are things that are bothering her as well. Hopefully by talking with her, both of you can work through this, and reconnect in the bedroom!

 

Pondering an affair with someone, isn't a good idea...You like this other woman because she is meeting needs that aren't being met at home. She brings out 'feelings' in you.

 

Anyway, I think you owe it to yourself, your wife and the kids (even though they're married and out of the house) to give your marriage your best shot. If it doesn't work out with the help of counselling, or however you two choose to do this, then end it. ... But, to just walk away??? You might regret that one day and wish that you had the chance to change and make things better with your wife.

[Mr. Lucky]

But, to just walk away??? You might regret that one day and wish that you had the chance to change and make things better with your wife.

I couldn't agree more. Your wife also has 15+ years invested in your marriage and, at the minimum, deserves to know what's going on. What discussions have you had with her? Therapy? Counseling?

 

Don't expect to have the same relationship with your kids - and potential grandkids - if you just walk away from their mom. Not sure how important that is to you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[OpenBook]

knsc, it sounds to me like you've already made up your mind... You've already checked out of your M mentally. And you have enough years under your belt to know who you are and what you want... I'm surprised you've tolerated being unhappy for as long as you have.

 

I say, go for it. Life is too short to be miserable. Let the chips fall where they may. At least you will be living authentically.

[Ali4134]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. Your intent is not to hurt anyone. This is just one of those times when you have to do what's right for you, despite how difficult it may be.