Alter ego Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Men out there, do you regret getting married or are you happy you did? What has been your experience? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Men out there, do you regret getting married or are you happy you did? What has been your experience? Do you mean...am I happy I married, or am I happy I married the woman I married? Either way, I will answer both. At this point in life and for most of my marriage, I can say that I am happy about both. Even when I have wished I wasn't married, I have rarely wished that I had never met my wife. When I look at my single brother, I do feel jealous once in awhile, but when I do get some "single alone time," I soon miss the wife and family. He does seem to have an easy and free life, but he also has a lonely life. I know that if I was single and had never been married, I would not probably miss marriage, but having now experienced the knowledge that I can go home to someone who loves me as I am...I do not think I could be single for long. So, yes, I am happy I married, and (as of now ), I am very glad I married the woman that I did. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I married at 21, been married 20 years now. I have never regretted being married, nor being married to my wife. I have had a few temptations here and there but found that the "spice" that seems so alluring to a single person, or to a wayward spouse who isn't paying attention to their vows, can't hold a candle to the true intimacy and adventuresome nature I have established with my wife. It may take a bit more work as you have to find time for that amidst parenting, bills, household duties, work, etc. But the payoff is so, so much richer. The comfort of knowing I can be my absolute "self" around the woman of my dreams and she won't judge me or dump me or do anything but encourage me and enable me is the single biggest gift I've ever received in my life. Spiritually, emotionally, sexually, physically....I am EXACTLY who I am around her and she welcomes all of me. I knew and had relationships with maybe a dozen women prior to my wife and not a single relationship offered me near what 20 years of marriage has given me. It's not always been easy, it's not always been peaches and cream, but the rewards have been unbelievably rich. I've got many, many single and/or divorced friends who look at my marriage, warts and all, and tell me directly that they wish they had what I have. Remember...the grass is always greener over the septic tank. Tread carefully and cherish happiness in whatever lifestyle you lead. Marriage isn't the goal...it's the beginning of a new chapter of existence. Or can be if you work at it anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I married at 21, been married 20 years now. Oh, good point. I am 43 and married for almost 18 years. I can say that the time has gone quickly, and I have rarely felt that going home would not be relaxing. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 :love: yours are very heartening posts to read, guys ... thanks for sharing! q Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I'm getting divorced after 18 years together. It's cost me (at least at the moment) my house, my relationship with my children, a ton of money, and has hurt my business. When we were together about 2 years, before marriage, I wanted out. She cried and begged me to stay with her. I did. We got married. I'm paying for it now. I will never, ever get married again, and most people that do get married end up either divorced, unhappy, or in severe denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Kazan Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 i've been married 11 months.. and right now i'm not sure i like it because the way my wife has changed in the last year Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I will never, ever get married again, and most people that do get married end up either divorced, unhappy, or in severe denial. Ouch, I am sorry for the pain you feel. I can see why you are bitter about marriage. Most of us have a hard time seeing the other side when we don't feel that way. But from what you have said, marriage should never have happened for you. Looking back, I can say that I have never felt that I did not want to be married. I can say that I have reached the point that I wondered why I married my wife, but at the same time, I still wanted her as a friend and confidant. After all of the troubles that I have gone through, I can say that I am not in denial or unhappy. But until I am dead, there is always the possibility that I could end up divorced, unhappy, or in severe denial. If you go back and see what my wife and I have been through, then I think that "severe denial" is a long way from reality in my situation. Have I ever been unhappy? Yes. Life has many things that it throws at you. During these times, we can be unhappy, but commitment is what brings us through together...even when we don't always feel like being together. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 After all of the troubles that I have gone through, I can say that I am not in denial or unhappy. You are one of the fortunate ones, in that you met a wonderful woman, and you two have the personality and interpersonal relationship skills to make it work. You are in the minority. I'm happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 You are one of the fortunate ones, in that you met a wonderful woman, and you two have the personality and interpersonal relationship skills to make it work. You are in the minority. I'm happy for you. Thank you, but I certainly have not always felt fortunate. I am not going to say that I met a wonderful woman (but I did...at least for me) so much as I am going to say that we HAVE tried to make it work. I will "brag" a minute and say (and she would agree) that I have done more than my fair share of "work" in this relationship. However, I think in any successful relationship, there seems to be one who is more relationship-minded. I hope that for you...you too can meet someone who will make you happy. Oh, I know you will never get married, but I have also seen many people who have told me that IRL who when they met someone special suddenly developed amnesia to that statement. It is quite amazing how the right person can change us. My guess is that more than half of the people who respond here will say that they would not get married again..or at least they would not marry the same person. Hopefully, I am wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I have also seen many people who have told me that IRL who when they met someone special suddenly developed amnesia to that statement. What statement? Just kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Definitely regret getting married. Am 40, married 15 years with two young children. Was always a "geek" who had very little success with women. When someone actually fell in love with me, I didn't completely feel the same way, but I figured that that was as good as it was going to get. Now, of course, I'm aware that that's not exactly the best way to approach marriage, and I have the opposite situation of Dazed . . . I feel I can NEVER be exactly who I am around my wife and family, and having put up a "nice guy" front for over 30 years, I'm not very sure just WHO I am. Moral of the story . . . They say you can't love others until you love yourself. I think it's more accurate to say that you need to accept yourself before embarking on a serious relationship. While you are still single, decide what you want in every aspect of your life, including a woman, and live up to those standards. Where I went wrong is that I de-valued myself to the point where I thought what I wanted (or might have wanted) didn't really matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Well, I'm not married, but I'm going to answer anyway. At age 42, I was married, and had been with my wife for 18 years, married for the last 13 of them. At that time, when we separated and agreed to divorce, our 2 kids were 6 and 8 years old. I don't regret my marriage. And while I don't take the divorce lightly, and I certainly do consider it a failure in many ways, I don't consider it somehow a defining failure of my life, and not even really a failure that defines the entire marriage. The marriage reached a point of failure which may have been building for some time, but it wasn't by any means a failed marriage from the start. I regret not having the insight to have done some things differently along the way, but I don't regret for a moment taking the journey, nor where it brought me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am very sorry I got married... ...to my first wife. At age 20, I was way too young. Getting married the second time around was the smartest decision I ever made and the best thing that ever happened to me! It's just a matter of finding the right person at the right time of your life... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I believe in the institution of marriage and in the fact of togetherness with someone who loves you as you love her/him being necessary in life. Having said that, I'm currently in a messy situation which sometimes makes me think it would have been better to not have got married when I did, perhaps because my spouse and I ended up where we are. But, if we hadn't we wouldn't have our wonderful son, so perhaps it wasn't as bad as all that Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I don't regret my relationship with my wife, but I do regret that it's gone on as long as it has. I've been married for 13 years and with my wife for 19. Looking back, I would have been happier had we parted ways several years ago. However, we decided to have kids and now my feet are on this path for better or worse. Neither of us have been very good at communicating with each other. We've each hidden parts of ourselves from the other for years. We used to think we had a perfect marriage because we never fought. Now we realize that we never fought because we never dealt with issues of substance between us. And it was easier to stay in the marriage precisely because there was no conflict. Now we've begun being open with each other and a lot of things have come out into the open. In many ways this is good, because if we're going to stay together to raise our kids, at least we will be on a more solid footing. But I'm afraid it's too late for our love relationship. My feelings for her faded years ago, and when she focused on our kids to the exclusion of me, it put so much distance between us that I can't seem to get emotionally close to her anymore. Would I marry again? Yes, but only after finding a woman I can be completely open with, and know that I will be loved for myself, with no pretenses and nothing hidden. MK Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Was always a "geek" who had very little success with women. When someone actually fell in love with me, I didn't completely feel the same way, but I figured that that was as good as it was going to get. Moral of the story . . . They say you can't love others until you love yourself. I think it's more accurate to say that you need to accept yourself before embarking on a serious relationship. GoodOnPaper, Your story sounds so similar to mine. Like you, I had (have) self esteem issues, and I married someone who wasn't quite right for me. Many times I thought about being with someone more suited to me, but I felt I'd never earn the love of a woman like that. How wrong I was! A year ago I met someone I'll describe as my soulmate. I know now what it feels like to have unconditional love from someone I can be totally and completely myself with. Unfortunately, being married with children, I'm not in a position to be with her. My marriage is still friendly, and so I can't in good conscience throw in the towel. Your wisdom came at a price, but it's not too late to take advantage of it. Learn how to accept yourself - then go find your soulmate. Link to post Share on other sites
Treatment Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 After I divorced my first wife I swore I'd never marry again and waited a number of years before doing so. But I'm glad I married my wife. I do wish we would have resolved some differences and talked out some issues before we tied the knot. Both of us would have better understood the other and I think that would have helped us avoid some of the pitfalls we hit. Thankfully we are now successfully navigating the aftermath of the messes we made. Link to post Share on other sites
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