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need advise here....don't understand!


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hi everyone :)

i know there's been plenty of posts about this...i've read pretty much all of them before posting my own thread. none of them were the same exact situation as the one i'm in....

 

so...

 

i need everyone's imput on MY deal.

 

me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year now. we're both 27 years old, very attractive (i'm a model) and we get along very well. all in all our relationship is great. he just asked me to move in with him. we live in his house that he owns, and we share expenses, etc. we both own our own businesses.

 

the only problem i have is that we hardly ever have sex.

 

i know he's not cheating on me for a fact. he loves me, and i love him. i take very good care of him. i'm a great girlfriend :) when we do sleep together, it's always wonderful. we know what it takes to please eachother. he's always eager to take care of me when it DOES happen.

 

i'm one of those girls who IS NOT bothered by my boyfriend watching porn or having girlie magazines, as long as it dosen't affect our sex life. i know he takes care of himself, and i don't care.

 

but...is it possible that that stuff is the reason he's not having sex with me?

 

i know some of you will probabily ask...."do you ever start it?"

the answer is no. i'm afraid i'll get turned down.

 

we probabily have sex once every couple of weeks. just to give you an idea.

 

does drinking affect people's sex lives? thia was another concern of mine. my friend's boyfriends / husbands all get horny when they're drunk but mine just wants to have long winded convorsations and pass out....lol....he never wants to sleep with me when he's been drinking. but even when he HASN'T drank, he still never starts anything with me.

 

should i talk to him about this or what should i do?

 

thanks guys, sorry this was so long :)

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10 bucks says he is afraid of rejection too. I have never in my entire life had a friend of mine say he would prefer to "take care of himself". Its probably good that you dont initiate, because thats going to make him feel pressured.

 

I would say that most of the ladies that post here with this problem have 0% understanding of how the male libido works. On a side note, alcohol works differently on everyone. When I drink I like to fight... dont ask me why.

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He probably feels that you don't want sex if you never initiate it. Surprise him, next time you get home before he does, put on some sexy lingerie and great him at the door when he comes in. Believe me, he WON'T turn you down. He will be turned on that you are making the move. Tell him that for the night you are going to spoil him like crazy, give him a bath in which you scrub him down, then give him a sexy massage, once that is over let things go where they will, do all the things he likes, tell him that you are at his beck and call, etc.

 

Initiate things occassionally. Yes, sometimes he might not want sex, that does happen. Sometimes you won't want it either when he initiates, but you live together and you love each other. It is okay to say no occassionally, that is not rejection.

 

Find other ways to spice things up too, don't let things get routine. Do a strip tease dance for him, play strip poker or one of those bedroom games you can pick up at some stores. Heck, go shopping together for some toys. He will think it is very sexy if YOU suggest these things. You can have a LOT of fun by just letting him know that you are still interested.

 

As for the alcohol. When my H drinks, it shuts him down, he finds it hard to get into sex when he has had too much to drink. But yes, each person reacts different to alcohol. So just don't try to initiate things when he has been drinking too much as he won't be thinking straight and may not be working quite right.

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Great suggestions Lynna!

 

Just one word of caution on initiating. Be as coy and suggestive as possible without getting downright aggressive. Be patient it may take a couple of days.

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