Giving space.

[chinacat_sunflower]

I've been dating my boyfriend almost 2 years...we've been living together a year. Lately he's been talking about needing space.

 

I understand this. I dont think he's unreasonable. I dont have many friends where we are currently living and basically I'm home when not working. His typical schedule is :

 

Wake up 5 am

work all day

 

Come home w/ me in his face

sleep.

 

 

He never has alone time.

 

 

 

I guess what I'm asking is, how can I give him space when I really dont know what to do with myself, and how much damage am I doing by always being around? Can someone who's been there tell me how much I'd improve things by giving him his space? I need the push because I'm insecure for some stupid reason.

[Lynna]

To help keep a relationship healtly it is important that both partners have SOME interests of their own and have some time to themselves. You definitely want to respect his needs on this, which it sounds like you want to do, so that is good.

 

What you need to do is find activities you enjoy and have one or two nights a week when you go out to do these activities. When you do that you will start to meet people and start to have friends of your own to hang out with.

 

There are several ways that you can find activities.

 

1) Learn a new activity by taking a class. There are a couple different ways to find these knids of classes:

a) look online for your city webpage - most towns have communitiy centers or park & recreation programs that have fun classes you can take. There are things like pottery, art, jewelry making, quilting, knitting, book clubs, music lessons, language lessons, exercise classes (yoga, aerobics, etc - much cheaper than at a gym) and more. Each town is different.

 

b) you can also look online for classes/clubs in your area on a topic that you enjoy. Some community colleges offer the same kinds of classes through continuing education programs - you don't get grades for them, the whole purpose is just to have fun learning about and doing something you enjoy. I learned how to canoe that way, met some great people, and had a lot of fun.

 

c) If you enjoy crafts you could also go to craft stores and check out what kinds of classes they are offering, most do have a selection of classes. There are major chain (Hobby Lobby, Michaels, JoAnn, etc) stores as well as smaller ones. There are even some stores now that specialize in a specific kind of craft (As You Wish is a pottery store I think, and there is a similar one for jewelry making).

 

2) You could start volunteering somewhere. Find a cause that you care about and figure out ways you can volunteer for it. Again, look online, there are lots of resources and LOTS of places are desperate for volunteers.

 

3) You could also join a gym and join a smaller class at that gym where you would see the same people each time giving you a chance to get to know them. Or join an intermural sports team.

 

4) Another way to get to know people is through church, if you are religious. Join one of the smaller programs at a big church, a women's group, bible study, choir, etc.

 

5) Get a part-time job. Even if you don't need the money and so don't need to work, a job gets you out of the house, gives you something useful to do, and gives you a chance to meet people. If you work sales you might get some good discounts too.

 

6) Find a hobby that you can do at home. You can be enjoying your hobby in one room while he is in another.

 

7) Go on a walk, a bike ride, or go jogging in the evening occasionally.

 

Good luck!

[Lynna]

And yes, always being around does do damage to your relationship. He may come to resent you. He may feel like he is being smothered. He may feel trapped. You definitely don't want that. You do need to give him some space.