supernaturalhuman Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 My husband and I had a fight not too long ago. Although we made up, I'm still disturbed by the things he said to me. Firstly, he actually had the nerve to be "pissed at me" for being sick. I have seasonal mild asthma. Occassionally, it can really get bad. Since I have no health insurance and no inhaler, I could barely breath and told my husband in the middle of the night that maybe I should go to the hospital. Well, he told me not to because I have no health insurance and he didn't want to get stuck paying the hospital bill. Here's where the fight started of course. I do work my own full-time job, but since it's a new one ( i resigned my last position to work here) I don't have benefits until two months into the job. Mind you, he has never paid any of my bills in our whole relationship, nor have I asked or suggested for him to do so! As you all know, once an arguement starts, it escalates. So we argued about how I thought what he said was insensitive and cruel for a while. Next, he tells me the reason he wont have sex with me is because he thinks I'm "fat" and "ugly". I'm sure your all thinking what a huge beast I am. I'm really not fat nor am I ugly, but it really hurt me and our sex life has ALWAYS been poor. Even since the begining. I'm really considering divorcing him. It's tough. He is also not a talker in terms of solving problems in our relationship. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 take a fork to him. no, really, how long have the two of you been married? If for a good while, is this his style of fighting, or just his response when he's stressed out? spouses can be real shxts toward each other when they're afraid – my guess is that your poor health and no insurance is prolly scaring the pants off him, just thinking about potential costs racking up while you're between health plans, so he's saying mean things to "deal" with what's bugging hm. when things are calmed down, have a serious talk with him about why he responded the way he did – though if you've been married a long while and he's never made a serious effort to moderate his mouth (or behavior), maybe it's time for counselling, and ultimately divorce, if it even comes to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author supernaturalhuman Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 oh, we have been married for a year and together almost seven years. no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author supernaturalhuman Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 also... I did talk to him about it a few days after our fight and he calmed down. He did apologize but I wanted to go into depth about what he said and our relationship. I even mentioned divorce as an option. He didn't want to talk about it. He said he just wanted to forget it and move on. However, throughout our whole relationship, he has always mentioned that my weight was a problem. Though he never told me I was "ugly" and "unattractive", this was a first. Link to post Share on other sites
FireandIce Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Wow, the guy sounds like a real sweetheart. Sorry but there is no excuse to call you names and put you down during an argument. I'd suggest counseling to him and if he's not willing to go then you should do it for yourself. It sounds to me like this is just the beginning of a very unhealthy marriage and I think it will probably only get worse from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Don't take this the wrong way, but your husband isn't a real man. Reason being because, first of all, he knows that you have bad asthma and you're in bed telling him that you can't breathe, and all he can say is take your ass back to sleep, so to speak. You have no asthma inhaler, so I know how difficult it was to breathe because I have asthma myself. And he saying he don't want to pay for your hospital bills, what kind of **** is that? He never paid any bills in yall relationship, and the least he can do is pay the hospital bill since you literally gasping for air. And the name calling is so unnecessary. You wasn't fat and ugly when he married you. He have alot of growing up to do. You're beautiful and don't get discouraged from that guy. I can't even title him as your husband. Divorce him if you feel like you've had enough. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I know some people, who had to pay $6,000.00 for 1 hour in the hospital. I wouldn't blame him for worrying about that. If you go to urgent care, then it's not so bad. But how can you be with someone, who calls you fat and ugly? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 sounds like the real problem here is that he doesn't know how to communicate with you … hence the dirty jabs, then retreats. Maybe it *is* time to get the both of you to counselling or a marriage enrichment class so that y'all learn to communicate with each other better. Because him throwing things out there – some painful, some just stupid – doesn't give you an idea of what the hell he's talking about if it doesn't even have anything to do with what's really going on (in this case, was he worried about amassing a huge bill for a non-insured hospital stay?). Link to post Share on other sites
Author supernaturalhuman Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I know some people, who had to pay $6,000.00 for 1 hour in the hospital. I wouldn't blame him for worrying about that. If you go to urgent care, then it's not so bad. But how can you be with someone, who calls you fat and ugly? Granted, the fat and ugly part was really nasty, but I think the concern with a hospital bill for a medical emergency is worse. Asthma can kill if it is bad enough and does not get treated. A trip to the hospital can save your life when they give you an adreneline shot and an inhaler to puff on twice. I used to have pretty bad asthma attacks as a teenager and when I saw my doc the next day, she said I should have gone to the EMS room with the condition I was in. If someone you supposidly love is suffering an emergency, who the hell cares about a hospital or EMS room visit bill? If ya die, then the funeral expenses would be pretty pricey too, right? Not too mention, he would look heartless and a little suspicious to fail to take me to the hospital. Hell, if it were someone off the street I would do what I could to help them. Dunno why he would think that I would make him pay my hospital bill anyway. If I were single I would have had to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Asthma can indeed be deadly if not treated properly. I know you don't have insurance, but I take it you can't get on your husband's? Can you afford to make an appointment to see a specialist to at least get an inhaler? It seems quite risky to wait until it's an emergency situation. This is the sort of thing that partners should be able to discuss and work out together. I know an emergency room visit is expensive - but now that the immediate danger has passed, why don't you take proactive steps to avoid that in the future? However. Calling you fat and ugly is unacceptable. Does he often speak to you this way? That you aren't alarmed by it, or even particularly surprised, is actually worrisome to me. The communication issues in your relationship sound like they run pretty deep - if you can't work out problems like this together, or talk about name-calling, then the relationship will never improve. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Fat and ugly, No kids, To cheap to go to a doc.. Sounds like you made a bad choice in a husband. Before you have children, do something about your bad choice. Link to post Share on other sites
zink Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Fat and ugly, No kids, To cheap to go to a doc.. Sounds like you made a bad choice in a husband. Before you have children, do something about your bad choice. All that and crap sex LOL So whats good in the marriage??? Is he nice when he's drunk or something? Sorry, I'm not trying to make light of this but real husbands don't act like this. Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 Next, he tells me the reason he wont have sex with me is because he thinks I'm "fat" and "ugly". Any suggestions on how to handle this? would you let a stranger talk to you this way? probably not. so why do you allow someone who is supposed to care about you to say these things? here's my only suggestion----leave. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 My first question is, how on earth were you able to breath enough to argue?? When I'm having an asthma attack I can't even talk! My second question is, you are married and still divide the bills into yours and his? That doesn't seem like a marriage so much as a "roomie". And my third point is not a question but a statement, if you felt like you were bad enough to go to the hospital, and your husband didn't want to take you because he didn't want to pay the bill, then I would propose that you two have some pretty deep issues. He sounds like a real peach!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lynna Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 You need to sit down and think seriously about your relationship. What is is that you DO like/love about your H? Is there anything? If not, then you should think seriously about a divorce because it does not sound like either one of you are happy. If you think there is still something there, then try MC, but if not, cut your losses now and get out and find someone you really do love and who loves you. Sex should be fun and exciting with your H, you are supposed to support each other in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, etc. This guy clearly is not doing any of those things, so think seriously about this relationship and evaluate what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
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