Rufio Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Does Marraige Really Change A Couple's Relationship, And If So Why Does It?? My Partner & I Aren't Ready For Marraige Yet, But When We Are I'd Like To Be Ready For Any Big Differences.. Any Help? x Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Change usually happens in all relationships, married or not. It can be for the better and it can be for the worse. I think too, it depends on the people, and if they are willing to accept whatever changes come about. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 People will often blame “marriage” for changing their relationship, but more often it’s the “change” in the individuals that results in the relationship spiraling downwards. First, for whatever reason, people have a tendency over time to just start taking each other for granted. Marriage means you don’t have to work as hard as you did in the beginning to win your partner over and keep them attentive and interested. When in fact, you should continue to work just as hard to KEEP your partner invested in you as you did in the beginning to win them over. Inertia and complacency is marriage’s worst enemy ... and NOT the other way around. When the emotional intimacy is neglected, than the physical intimacy is sure to follow. “Good sex” has more to do with how you connect with your partner outside the bedroom than what you do to them inside the bedroom. A lot of men forget this very important part of the female psyche. Most of us are slow-burners and it’s difficult to enjoy sex if we’re made to feel like it’s one of our expected marital chores. When the ol’ Romeo we where once willing to get our sexy on for disappears, and foreplay is reduced to a quick boob grab while standing at the kitchen sink (or worse yet ... complaining, threats, badgering and browbeating) the distance and resentment between you becomes greater. And once the intimacy is lost, it’s a really hard thing to get back. Don’t let that happen! Communicate and remind him of the man you fell in love with. Not even necessarily in words ... but show him what you need by being the one to initiate the affection and contact that you need. Men need to feel appreciated, desired and wanted just as much as we do --- but often aren’t as good at expressing it. You’ll find you’ll get as much out of your relationship partner as you’re willing to put into them. It’s a simple fact that we often forget. Marriage should never be one-sided or an excuse for anyone to become lazy or careless. More important than even Love ... is to genuinely LIKE your partner. And that can be difficult to do over time if either of you behave in a way that builds resentment between you. You must remain “conscious” at all times of the things you say and do that could potentially injure your partner. Those resentments are often hard to let go of and can build up over the years (recycled over and over again) until you no longer even LIKE the person you love. Do the very best you can to minimize those... at least on your end when at all possible. Treat your partner as you would want to be treated. It’s NOT that hard. Especially when you stop to consider that people are often more kind, sympathetic, and polite to strangers, friends and associates than they are to their own spouses and families at home. Of course, if you find yourself married to someone who can not communicate or reciprocate on the same level ... or who brings other issues to the relationship table such as addictions or behavioral problems, than you’ll certainly have your work cut out for you. Hard to avoid the build up of resentments then, because it sucks the life and romance out of the relationship rather quickly. So better not to marry for “love’s” sake only, and at least hold off until those issues are resolved... or wait until you find someone who you’re more compatible with. Marriage aside ... there are WORSE things than being single! Also, having increasing responsibilities and sometimes children to look after means you don’t have as much one-on-one alone time with each other to nurture that deeper bond between you. In essence, you stop courting each other. You’re grouchy from all the hard work; yelling at the kids; complaining and moaning about all your stress, finding excuses to disconnect from your partner and spend more and more time away from the house. Certainly no longer behaving in a way that would inspire anyone to feel all “warm and fuzzy” around you ... let alone want to rip your clothes off and turn you out! All the touching, affection, appreciation and playfulness you shared during the “romance” stage of your relationship can dwindle down to nearly nothing ... IF you become careless and lose sight of just how important that is, and forget to MAKE time for your partner. Those things should become almost habit and not only reserved for those Red Letter nights. Who cares if the kids get grossed out at the sight of mommy and daddy cuddling and kissing? Love and laughter are what make for happy families and happy marriages. No. Marriage won’t change you’re relationship, so long as neither one of you allow the marriage to change you. As a matter of fact, if the ‘relationship’ is good and solid, the “married” part is inconsequential. Remain KIND to each other, and you’ll go the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperpen12000 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 People let marriage change them. You heard things like, "A man is suppose to put his wife before him, contrariwise." which changes the perception of courtship. People start to feel complete ownership over their spouse when married, which cause a lot of strife. Nothing gets better once married. You still have to work on becoming one. I won't deny that some things do change, but not dramatically. Link to post Share on other sites
Jolene Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Hi there! I think my best advice for you would be to take a good look at his coping strategy for the times when the two of you have conflict, stress or arguments. If he is willing to solve problems with you instead of withdrawing, ignoring you, flying into a rage or punishing you like a child, then things will be okay. I think one of the big and obvious obstacles for newly married couples is establishing boundaries when one hurts the other. Suddenly, you live together, and there are times when you will feel hurt, angry or annoyed by this other person. It is unreal to think that your spouse will never hurt, annoy or anger you, and it's all in the way a couple handles their conflicts that determines overall longevity and happiness of the relationship. Does he truly forgive and forget, or does he hold grudges and use your past indiscretions as ammunition to punish you discreetly? Is he passive-aggressive? Some people just get themselves stuck in a miserable marriage for these reasons and they decide to stay and wait until the children grow up before they get their life back. Life is too short for that, right? So make sure it is an equal partnership, as I think a lot of women in particular find themselves in the position of trying to figure out what their mate is thinking or feeling because even though you live in the same house, you will come to the realization that men do not want to talk about feelings and emotions....but you do....and this can cause tensions to run high in good times and in bad Hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
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