Last Argument

[Touche]

Ok, even though I'm posting this in the Marriage area, anyone in a relationship can post.

 

I'm just curious about this:

 

1. What was your last argument about?

2. When was it?

3. How long did it last?

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

 

Ok, I'll start.

 

1. I was telling my neighbor about a case my H is handling. I didn't give names or anything specific...just the nature of the case. I was on the phone with her. My H went ballistic. He started getting red in the face, telling me to stop and get off the phone immediately. Wow. He rarely gets like that. I just laughed it off and hung up shortly after that. He lit into me, telling me I had no business telling her all of that. I felt as if I did nothing wrong since I didn't give away names or really specific details of the case.

 

2. It was yesterday.

 

3. Lasted about 20 minutes.

 

4. It was resolved by him telling me to NEVER do that again and my telling him to NEVER yell at me WHILE I'm on the phone again. He agreed and I (relunctantly) agreed to his demand. (I still don't see what I did wrong.)

[Curmudgeon]

The last argument was about honesty (a lie she told me).

 

It was about a month and a half to two months ago.

 

It lasted about five minutes (the argument itself) and I was cold for about a week.

 

It's resolved because it's over. However, my trust level isn't real high at the moment. It was huge.

[Touche]

I'm sure your trust level will return to where it was in time.

 

And you can discuss it here if you want.

 

But what did you think about our argument? Please be honest. Do you think I was wrong? He never told me I couldn't talk about a case with anyone. I mean he discusses cases with other people and with me. He just leaves out any identifying details. It's not like he ever asked me to not do that and I did it anyway. But I mean he was REALLY livid..veins sticking out of his neck and everything!

[sb129]

1. Our last argument was about Wonderboy giving me conflicting advice on how to queue for a beer.

 

2. It was on Monday night. We were at a pearl jam concert, and I was queuing for a beer for him, and he was telling me not to push in, and I wasn't, but I got confused and flustered and snapped at him, and made him buy the beer.

We were both exhausted from being out late the night before.

 

3. It lasted about ten minutes.

 

4. It was resolved by us both saying sorry, and agreeing it was a dumb thing to argue about, and it would be silly to ruin the concert we had been looking forward to for ages.

[sb129]

Touche, I think your H had a valid point, but I don't think he needed to react quite so vehemently!

And he could have waited till you were off the phone, that would have made me angry too.

Is the case a sensitive one? Is it going well?

[Curmudgeon]

I think he overreacted. It's nothing her hasn't done so what makes it unacceptable for you to do so, especially when you were respecting confidentiality.

 

I think he owes you an apology.

 

As for our argument and my trust level, it likely will return in time but there will always be a nagging little doubt and NO, it has nothing to do with infidelity. That would be an instant deal-breaker.

[2sunny]

the rule will always stand with attorneys that you NEVER discuss a case with others - except within the confines of office personnel that are processing the paperwork for you.

 

it's that old client/atty priviledge vow that they take.

 

when i worked for an atty years ago - it was imperative that anyone working there NEVER discuss any case- details or not - with ANYONE. even if someone tries to trick you into telling - you can't do it! you never know who might know who - or what - and put two and two together. it's just not worth opening your mouth about it and running any risk.

 

it could hurt him getting prospective cases in the future - as they have to bank highly on their reputation for future work.

 

your hubby was right - but i am sorry about the argument.

 

you could go back and say - i am sorry - i was wrong - i'll never do that again.

[Touche]

SB, you're quite insightful because I think that's the rub here. It's the TYPE of case it is that he's probably sensitive about and doesn't want anyone judging him. (but he wouldn't answer my question when I asked him if that was it. Just kept yelling about never doing that again.)

 

And you're right, he could have waited until i was off the phone. That's the problem I had with him, not so much telling me to not talk about it. And yes, the case is a very sensitive one. How is it going? Too soon to know. He just got it yesterday.

 

As for you and your b/f yes, that was a silly argument but you know what? You can really tell how you might fare in the future by how you handle the small stuff. Because if a couple can't even resolve stillly stuff like that, then they certainly won't be equipped to handle life's larger issues that come up. And you guys handled that really well. Some couples would have let a dumb thing like that spoil the whole evening.

[Touche]

the rule will always stand with attorneys that you NEVER discuss a case with others - except within the confines of office personnel that are processing the paperwork for you.

 

it's that old client/atty priviledge vow that they take.

 

when i worked for an atty years ago - it was imperative that anyone working there NEVER discuss any case- details or not - with ANYONE. even if someone tries to trick you into telling - you can't do it! you never know who might know who - or what - and put two and two together. it's just not worth opening your mouth about it and running any risk.

 

it could hurt him getting prospective cases in the future - as they have to bank highly on their reputation for future work.

 

your hubby was right - but i am sorry about the argument.

 

you could go back and say - i am sorry - i was wrong - i'll never do that again.

 

 

I already told him that I wouldn't do it again. But he never told me I couldn't discuss a case. He discusses cases with me and others all the time...like I said. He just leaves out the identifying details (didn't you read my post, Sunny?) So how was I to know?

 

So I did tell him that I wouldn't do it again but no, I didn't apologize. I didn't feel that I was wrong since he never said anything to me before about it. And he didn't apologize either for yelling at me WHILE I was on the phone. We both just said we wouldn't do that again and left it at that. The rest of the evening was fine.

[Touche]

I think he overreacted. It's nothing her hasn't done so what makes it unacceptable for you to do so, especially when you were respecting confidentiality.

 

I think he owes you an apology.

 

As for our argument and my trust level, it likely will return in time but there will always be a nagging little doubt and NO, it has nothing to do with infidelity. That would be an instant deal-breaker.

 

Thanks, Curmudgeon. I think he overreacted too! I don't expect an apology though. I've let it go.

 

As for you..no I never thought it had to do with fidelity. Money was my guess.

[sb129]

SB, you're quite insightful because I think that's the rub here. It's the TYPE of case it is that he's probably sensitive about and doesn't want anyone judging him. (but he wouldn't answer my question when I asked him if that was it. Just kept yelling about never doing that again.)

 

And you're right, he could have waited until i was off the phone. That's the problem I had with him, not so much telling me to not talk about it. And yes, the case is a very sensitive one. How is it going? Too soon to know. He just got it yesterday.

 

As for you and your b/f yes, that was a silly argument but you know what? You can really tell how you might fare in the future by how you handle the small stuff. Because if a couple can't even resolve stillly stuff like that, then they certainly won't be equipped to handle life's larger issues that come up. And you guys handled that really well. Some couples would have let a dumb thing like that spoil the whole evening.

 

Yes, my ex would have allowed that to ruin the evening. I can recall many evenings that were ruined by such ridiculous things, and always ended up in me grovelling and apologising to keep the peace, and he never did!

He seemed to love to humiliate me and make me cry in public.

 

Wonderboy is just lovely. :love:The few arguments we have had have been resolved pretty well, and I really respect him for that.

 

Anyway, back to your argument.

 

If your H is stressed about this case, and if it is niggling him, that could be why he flew off the handle about it, he could have projected that stress onto your argument.

 

I am currently being sued by an ex patient for something utterly ridiculous, and it is highly unlikely that this person has a case against me, but initially I was super-sensitive about it, and quite stressed, so I can imagine that overhearing someone else discussing it may have annoyed me at the time.

[2sunny]

well - i did read that part but just because he does it - doesn't make it right. he should know better.

 

maybe you should tell him that he will get a spanking every time he does it now!

 

still sorry about the way he reacted though - he could have written you a quick note while you were on the phone - or something to SHOW you not to go there with the conversation instead of embarrassing you.

[Touche]

Thanks, SB. You might have a point there.

 

Anyway, it's water under the bridge now. I'm not concerned about it anymore. I was just curious about what other people argue about and how long it lasts, etc.

 

So keep it coming! (Sorry I went off-topic a bit.)

[Touche]

well - i did read that part but just because he does it - doesn't make it right. he should know better.

 

maybe you should tell him that he will get a spanking every time he does it now!

 

still sorry about the way he reacted though - he could have written you a quick note while you were on the phone - or something to SHOW you not to go there with the conversation instead of embarrassing you.

 

Ha, you're cute Sunny. I'd love to give him a spanking! And yes, I was so embarassed because my neighbor surely heard him in the background. Anyway, I had already told her what I was going to tell her so I don't know why he was carrying on while I was on the phone. It could have waited until I got off.

 

Ok, no more about me guys! I want to hear about all of you.

[IpAncA]

1. What was your last argument about?

2. When was it?

3. How long did it last?

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

 

1.) My "rolls can hardly" car.

 

2.) Last week.

 

3.) Oh it comes and goes because I'm fighting getting rid of it. Plus he's getting annoying because I don't like any of the cars I'm seeing. Well I'm sorry but their just butt ugly and there's that saying that old women says on tv, "don't you buy no ugly truck." Okay so I'm not.

 

4.) It will be resolved when I stop being so stubborn and find a car I like.

[katiebour]

Originally Posted by Touche

1. What was your last argument about?

2. When was it?

3. How long did it last?

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

 

1. I can't even remember the substance of what led up to it- but I said something and he gave me this irritated look and said "don't guilt-trip me." He accuses me of this fairly often when we argue and it always makes me feel like a horrible person- heck, I wasn't trying to and didn't even think I WAS guilt-tripping him.

 

2. 2-4 weeks ago, I can't remember exactly.

 

3. I was mad for the rest of the evening and when I went to bed. When I woke up I was pretty much over it.

 

4. He wasn't mad anymore and either was I. So it just went away. We haven't really talked about what is either my tendency to guilt-trip or his tendency to label me- I have a feeling the truth is that sometimes I do guilt-trip him, and sometimes he's so hyper-sensitive that it's the first thing he throws at me to make me feel bad. I think it's a 50-50 thing. My resolution is to watch more carefully what I say and how I say it to avoid unconciously or consciously attempting to manipulate him. If I don't do it, then I can call him on it if he accuses me of it.

[Storyrider]

We've had some stressful discussion lately (see my thread) but the last genuine argument was over my Internet use.

 

Well, actually, even this wasn't so much of an argument bc he got angry and I agreed with him.

 

I was supposed to take my little one to a birthday party (two weeks ago I think) and got caught up in something on LS. I lost track of the time, and it was an hour before the party, and I hadn't showered yet. He came into the room and asked me what the f*ck I was thinking and whether I wanted to live my whole life on the computer and check out of reality.

 

I felt terrible. He yelled and he hardly ever does, so it really hit home.

 

It was resolved when I agreed with him completely that I had let myself get sucked in and stayed on the computer too long, and it was irresponsible.

 

I was late getting my daughter to the bd party, so basically, he was right.

[burning 4 revenge]

We've had some stressful discussion lately (see my thread) but the last genuine argument was over my Internet use.

 

Well, actually, even this wasn't so much of an argument bc he got angry and I agreed with him.

 

I was supposed to take my little one to a birthday party (two weeks ago I think) and got caught up in something on LS. I lost track of the time, and it was an hour before the party, and I hadn't showered yet. He came into the room and asked me what the f*ck I was thinking and whether I wanted to live my whole life on the computer and check out of reality.

 

I felt terrible. He yelled and he hardly ever does, so it really hit home.

 

It was resolved when I agreed with him completely that I had let myself get sucked in and stayed on the computer too long, and it was irresponsible.

 

I was late getting my daughter to the bd party, so basically, he was right.

Is he your father? WTF?

 

I don't get you. You're so freaking smart and charming online and then you write total drivel like what you posted above.

[Storyrider]

Is he your father? WTF?

 

More like a much more driven, macho version of my conscience. Like if I had any internal will power, that it what its voice would sound like.

 

Yeah, and there is a bit of a father thing going on there. It is a problem.

 

I don't get you. You're so freaking smart and charming online and then you write total drivel like what you posted above.

 

:love: See, I like it when you yell at me, too. I'm hopeless.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Ok, even though I'm posting this in the Marriage area, anyone in a relationship can post.

 

I'm just curious about this:

 

1. What was your last argument about?

2. When was it?

3. How long did it last?

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

 

1. He was telling me (for the second time) that I should do something that I already said I would do. It had to do with my work and nothing to do with him. We had just come back from a romantic day out and the last thing I wanted to think about was this project for work that has been stressing me out!

2. 2-3 weeks ago. I can't remember.

3. About 30 minutes.

4. I cried. We yelled. Then we talked it out. He apologized for bringing it up, forgetting that he had done so before. I apologized for making it into a big deal. All good again.

[Walk]

1. What was your last argument about?

2. When was it?

3. How long did it last?

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

1. validation

2. 2 weeks ago

3. 6 days

4. hhmmm

[whichwayisup]

1. What was your last argument about?

 

Mouldy bread.

 

2. When was it?

 

Lastnight

 

3. How long did it last?

 

About a minute or two.

 

4. How was it resolved (if it was resolved.)

 

Made a joke about it, said sorry and that was that.

[Touche]

Very interesting, really!

 

Anyone see a pattern here?

 

Hmmmmm...Let's see who can guess.

 

(Oh this is my thread and I have NO problem with off-topic remarks...NONE, whatsoever. I welcome ALL and ANY comments. If they're out of line, then I'll get you back in line..'cause I'm pretty good at that sort of thing.)

 

So who has a guess as to the pattern here?

[Curmudgeon]

So who has a guess as to the pattern here?

 

Umm! Men behaving badly?

[Storyrider]

Pattern: It is mostly women who like to regurgitate old arguments, with the exception of Curmudgeon, who is just one of the girls?