Jig Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 I have been married to my husband now for almost five years. About a year ago he took up the sport of paintball. I am very happy for him that he has found something that he loves, but I never see him. We both work full time and he gets home around 7pm every night then spends two to three hours on the computer talking to his paintball buddies by that time it is time for us to go to bed. He spends two to three saturdays a month playing all day then on sundays by the time we are done with church it is time to get ready for monday. I have been asking if he would spend a little more time with me for months and I told him I was getting lonely. Well back in may one of my best friends since I was in first grade (that happens to be a male) got out of the Marines and moved back to town. I was thrilled I have really missed him. We never dated or even came close to dating. On my birthday my husband left me at my sisters house at eight in the morning because the night before we had got in a fight because I told him I told him I was feeling neglected because he was spending so much time on his hobby. When I got home that day he did not say a word to me so I went to see a movie with my friend and his kids and my husband threw a fit. I just don't know what to do anymore, he won't make time for me but I'm not supposed to do anything else. Help Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 Your husband is not being fair to you... Tell him that unless he 'slack' on the hobby, you will continue to go out with your friend and too bad so sad if he happens to be a male friend. Your husband sounds very controlling...so don't let him 'decide' what's good for you... He doesn't respect you... so screw him... go out, have your own life if he wants to have his... what's good for one is good for the other. NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 He's acting selfish and putting his needs above yours TOO MUCH of the time. So, stand up to him, tell him enough already! You two need to connect, spend alone time together and if he isn't willing to do that, and chooses his game - Well, put your footdown again and tell him it's time to go to marriage counselling because you're scared the marriage won't last. He needs a hard swift kick in the butt, otherwise he WILL lose you. Be careful with the guy friend...Last thing you need is another man in your life, even if the friend gives you attention. That attention could lead to other things....And that is why your H is jealous and upset. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 I may not be qualified to answer your question but I did have an idea. Do you know any of the paintball buddies wives? I think it would be great fun to get together with some of those ladies and practice real good, get good at the paintball then challenge the husbands. It might be fun, cookout, get in nature and get out some aggression in a healthy way. I do think that communication is good and if you don't find a connection or something to re ignite the spark it could be a dangerous road for the relationship. I hope you two can find a better place soon. Regards, Unders Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 Your husband is probably jealous that you went to the movies with a friend without him, ie. having a good time without him. Don't let him spoil your fun when he's doing just the same thing. My suggestion is go and have fun on your own, whether it is the Saturday he is off with his buddies or not. And if he complains, then sit him down and strike a deal with him. He may not back off on the paintball sessions, but at least, he should not feel pissy when you get some fun on your own. As a young married couple, he should not be on the computer every night. However, I have a hunch that he will refuse to cut down the time he spends with his buddies. In that case, you need to find something that you will enjoy to do during those times. Your H may neglect you, but don't YOU neglect yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jig Posted June 23, 2007 Author Share Posted June 23, 2007 Thank you everyone for your advice. I would try the wives v husbands thing but there is two problems. 1. 90% of the men that play are either single or they are not men they are bouys about 14 this would be why they can afford to spend as much time and money on paintball as they want. 2. I'm not a big fan of bleeding have you ever seen people when they get done playing. I do understand how he feels about my friend and I think that I would be more likely to not fight him so much on it if it weren't for the fact that he out right ignores our relationship. I hope I don't sound completely heartless Link to post Share on other sites
katiebour Posted June 24, 2007 Share Posted June 24, 2007 My ex-b/f spent most of his time doing other things and avoiding me whenever possible at the end of the relationship. That was his way of dealing with the problems we had- which of course, added to the problems. How was your marriage before paintball came up? My ex spent all his time on the computer or with other friends- even took trips with them and encouraged me to go see my family by myself. This should have been a huge clue to me that he didn't want me in his life, and in fact was doing his darndest to live his life without me. Just something to think about... Are either of you happy with your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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