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Unhappy Marriage


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Crystal_lemke

About 2weeks ago my husband told me that he was unhappy. He doesn't really talk about it and tell me why. He basically told me it was over. I ased him if we could try again, and he said yeah. The problem is he won't talk. I'm scared of being a single mom of 3 kids. About 2 months ago he let me quit my job, so now i'm in a bind if I have to leave. I love him so much and I don't understand what went wrong here. Then he went on to tell me a couple of days later that he married me because he felt sorry for me. I had one child and another on the way. I could have handled a split then but now I cry everyday and all night. I can't leave. Even though I know that's what he wants. He does't look at me, kiss me, hug me, touch. We have sex but I think he's just using me. Any advise?

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About 2weeks ago my husband told me that he was unhappy. He doesn't really talk about it and tell me why. He basically told me it was over. I ased him if we could try again, and he said yeah. The problem is he won't talk. I'm scared of being a single mom of 3 kids. About 2 months ago he let me quit my job, so now i'm in a bind if I have to leave. I love him so much and I don't understand what went wrong here. Then he went on to tell me a couple of days later that he married me because he felt sorry for me. I had one child and another on the way. I could have handled a split then but now I cry everyday and all night. I can't leave. Even though I know that's what he wants. He does't look at me, kiss me, hug me, touch. We have sex but I think he's just using me. Any advise?

 

You can't make him love you. I don't believe in counselling too much so I would say that, if you both want to, you can try it... He might be depressed...so maybe a visit to his doctor would be good for him... Could be physical too. Ask him to see a doctor.

 

But the important thing is don't stay just because you love him and want to keep the family together... you have to think about you too.

 

Do you really want to live like that for the rest of your life... (I doubt he would) have a serious talk with him..and if things don't change start planning your separation.

 

From what I read, he will certainly support your kids until you can get a job, and get back on your feet. I hope he's not that mean.

 

Good luck!

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I'm scared of being a single mom of 3 kids. About 2 months ago he let me quit my job, so now i'm in a bind if I have to leave.

It's hard for an outsider like me to appreciate how difficult your situation must be for you and how trapped you must feel. You might start by simply asking your H, since he is the unhappy one, what he wants to do? Does he want to work on your M? Does he want to leave? Does he want you to leave (who's house is it ?) ? At least then you could make some plans rather then sitting around and waiting for the next bombshell. Do you have friends or family close by? Might be time to call in any favors or help you can get as you may have some choices to make. Keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Crystal_lemke

He says he has tried to make himself love me. how can one do such? is it not obvious you love someone from the beginning? i know i love him there's no doubt.

The house we rent and i was working @ the time so i helped. none of my family wants my kids & i at their house. I don't want to leave. i cant sleep without him, i always want him near. I don't know.... my kids are my main worry. they are so small.

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amaysngrace
About 2weeks ago my husband told me that he was unhappy. He doesn't really talk about it and tell me why. He basically told me it was over. I ased him if we could try again, and he said yeah. The problem is he won't talk. I'm scared of being a single mom of 3 kids. About 2 months ago he let me quit my job, so now i'm in a bind if I have to leave. I love him so much and I don't understand what went wrong here. Then he went on to tell me a couple of days later that he married me because he felt sorry for me. I had one child and another on the way. I could have handled a split then but now I cry everyday and all night. I can't leave. Even though I know that's what he wants. He does't look at me, kiss me, hug me, touch. We have sex but I think he's just using me. Any advise?

 

 

I may be wrong but I think he's abusing you. He made that comment about why he married you to knock your esteem down.

 

You had a stronger mindset before you ever married him. It's a common tactic for controllers and abusers to try to make you feel as though you need them more than you actually do. You can start to believe it and it becomes a cycle. And it's very hard to break that once it's begun.

 

I think perhaps in some sick way he is enjoying seeing you distraught over him saying it's over. I think when he brings it up again you should handle it gracefully, or maybe even say something to him first to show that you are strong. Tell him "you're right, neither of us are happy, we shouldn't be together anymore." And ask him to go to the courthouse with you so that the two of you can file for divorce in a civil manner.

 

I'm betting he will shrink down when faced with the strength of you. ;)

 

I think your situation sounds familiar to what I've been through myself. If you need someone I am here.

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my kids are my main worry. they are so small.

Why not just lay low for a few weeks and see what happens? Focus on your kids, try and get whatever financial resources together you can and just react neutrally with your Husband. Don't push, don't nag and don't ask - let him choose the time and place for discussion. Look at it this way - he's the one that says that he's unhappy, so let him figure out what he wants to do to fix things. Just chill :cool: ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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princssangl0204

why is it you want to be married to someone that says they don't love you? and Why are you waiting for him to tell you to stay or leave??

 

You deserve so much better than that, I would ask if he wants to work things out and if the answer is no then go get a good lawyer. (for the record the home is marital property/dept unless the home was bought prior to the marriage so you have just as much right to it as he does)

 

I if YOU decided to end the marriage.... your first call should be to an attorney so that you know your rights..... and with kids involved it is more complicated. As far as your kids are concerned, Kid are resilient they will adjust if they even remember at all. Your doing them a disservice by not taking care of their mom and doing what makes YOU happy. You have to do what makes you happy and the kids will pick up on that.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Crystal:

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you, and as bad as you may feel, your number one priority needs to be being strong for you children, and showing them a good example of someone who refuses to let others stomp on them. It may hurt both you and them in the short run, but they'll thank you in the future for not allowing this boy (not man) mess you up. Good luck.

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