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Pre-emptive marriage counseling...


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Curmudgeon

It works! I may be in danger of losing my guy credentials here but I not only agreed to it. I made the first appointment and set it up.

 

This may come as a surprise to some but my wife and I did have a few issues. Since we were 48 and 50, respectively, when we married, there was a lot of baggage on both our parts which we brought into the marriage.

 

I'm facing rather imminent retirement (three years) and after some deep and not always enjoyable discussions, my wife said she would like to go to couples counseling. Her reasoning was that since we'll be spending 24/7 together we need to be totally in love without issues, problems, unresolved anythings. I agreed. I set it up. It works.

 

Sometimes you're just too close to the issues to see them clearly; the ol', "Can't see the forest for the trees" syndrome. Having a disinterested third party take an unbiased look and give you their observations can be very helpful.

 

I have always said that anyone in a committed relationship should make every effort and leave no stone unturned to do whatever it takes to preserve it and make it better. That applies in cases in which divorce may be imminent and in cases where it's not. I still believe that.

 

Men, as a general rule, see themselves as the "fix-it" person in a relationship and let pride get in the way of seeking assistance. They're usually the ones who reject marital counseling out-of-hand.

 

I'm here to tell ya, don't do it (reject it, that is)! If your marriage/relationship is important to you, go for it. It really doesn't hurt.

 

If I, at my age, can admit we needed some help, that should be a no-brainer for the rest of you.

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I have always said that anyone in a committed relationship should make every effort and leave no stone unturned to do whatever it takes to preserve it and make it better.

 

yeppy ... we should foster a healthier attitude in our culture about marriage counselling and enrichment, promoting it as a means for gaining the tools needed to keep our marriages/relationships healthy. Not as a means of making people feel that something is wrong for them.

 

we did a marriage encounter weekend 10 years ago, and my husband – who initially dragged his heels over going – will tell you that it's the best thing we ever did for our marriage, and I agree because I don't think we'd still be married if we hadn't learned how to be married to each other in a healthy way.

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Curmudgeon

we did a marriage encounter weekend 10 years ago, and my husband – who initially dragged his heels over going – will tell you that it's the best thing we ever did for our marriage, and I agree because I don't think we'd still be married if we hadn't learned how to be married to each other in a healthy way.

 

...that the Ex and I were a presenting, Post-Encounter couple, as well as regional coordinators for ME at one time?

 

Of course, that goes back almost 30 years ago and about 13 years post-divorce.

 

I'm glad it worked and is working for you, truly!

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She is gearing up for divorce.

 

Really? Well why don't you enlighten us and tell us why you think this, because I sure as heck don't see that happening.

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Curmudgeon
She is gearing up for divorce.

 

You have a major problem. I'd tell you that you're "crazy" but that would be an insult to the mentally ill and disordered.

 

You are now free to retun to wallowing in your ignorance!

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Woggle, Woggle, Woggle ... not in every heart lurks a sadistic, vindictive bxtch or bastard. Some people just need to be alerted to new ways of seeing or doing things, and have the capacity to respond to those new ideas in a positive way.

 

C – I think it helped clear the playing field of a lot of doubts and mistrust we had based on problems in our own relationship and baggage brought from others. Esp. my husband, who like our friend Wog, had a piss-poor attitude about women all wanting to screw him over. ME helped him get a better idea of why I viewed marriage as I did, and how having that faith-based element was to our benefit; it helped me be more understanding of his worries and less judgmental of how he handled problems (at that point, by heavy drinking). Mind you, we have our moments, but the underlying fact is that we know our relationship is grounded in love, and that tempers a lot of the fear we'd otherwise have ...

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Curmudgeon
...but the underlying fact is that we know our relationship is grounded in love, and that tempers a lot of the fear we'd otherwise have ...

 

Then you're truly blessed! :love:

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Really? Well why don't you enlighten us and tell us why you think this, because I sure as heck don't see that happening.

 

Nah she just wants to drag the "old fart"...... (said with respect and admiration) into counseling so SHE can belittle him and tell him how rotten he is while flexing her feminist muscle (which may or may not be part of a vaginal floor muscle group).

 

My H quit going to the shrinky dink, but the last 20 days have been wonderful... something must have worked???? May have been that last good forkin' I gave him too. :lmao:

 

A new man! Or the old man is back. :D

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Curmudgeon
May have been that last good forkin' I gave him too. :lmao:. :D

 

...the value of a good forking! :D

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I understand a good forkin' will help one to see the light. Or a good head job ...

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Curmudgeon
Or a good head job ...

 

car engines, right?

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car engines, right?

 

Of course nobody would think it meant anything else would they?

 

Actually my H refused the shrink stuff for a year......

 

Out came the Fork of Reason.......

 

He is on his way home with dinner and happy to take care of my stinky, bed ridden, fat butt.......

 

and I am happy to have him coming home....actually happy to see him! :love:

 

which is a first in a very very long time.

 

A unassociated third party does seem to do the trick for some.

 

Bastard best not show up with flowers though. :lmao:

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Curmudgeon

 

Bastard best not show up with flowers though. :lmao:

 

...that would depend on where he wants to plant them! :p

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...that would depend on where he wants to plant them! :p

 

well aren't you a dirty old fart today!

 

It is Tuesday so flowers are actually allowed on Tuesdays..... my error, I forgot.

 

I had a good "planting" last night and the night before...... the garden has been planted well lately. :)

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Curmudgeon
well aren't you a dirty old fart today?

 

Even though I played hooky from work today (the only reason I'm posting during the day), today is the farmer's market day across the street from my office and I bought my wife flowers!

 

Where's your mind? Naughty! Naughty!

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Where's your mind? Naughty! Naughty!

 

With a4a, you don't even have to ask because its been parked in the exact same spot for as long as I have been on here.

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Curmudgeon
With a4a, you don't even have to ask because its been parked in the exact same spot for as long as I have been on here.

 

Mikey likes it! :laugh:

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Trialbyfire

Wish we would have done this even before we got married. Pre-preemptive strike. It might have sourced out his narcisstic personality disorder.

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I am so proud of you and your acknowledment of asking for assistant (any) to better your marriage.

 

I think it's admiralable - and I don't see anything but positive things that can come from you asking for help.

 

Who loves ya baby? M-

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Al I am saying is that asking for counseling is a sign that she is not happy and she wants to soften the blow when she asks for divorce. I have seen this scenario play out penty of times.

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Curmudgeon

Who loves ya baby? M-

 

...who loves ya back!!!

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Curmudgeon
Al I am saying is that asking for counseling is a sign that she is not happy and she wants to soften the blow when she asks for divorce. I have seen this scenario play out penty of times.

 

...I know you're a very disturbed individual and I hope that one day, you'll have the guts to seek the help you so desperately need.

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I will bet money that she wants a divorce.

So Wog, just as an insight into your feelings on this subject, what do you estimate are the odds that you'd win that bet? Say as a percentage from 0 to 100% confidence that you'd win...

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