indeed Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 A question for...men: If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades, does his sexual desire diminish? to near zero? What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife? Comments appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I'm not a guy in a long term sexless marriage, but I am married to one...formerly anyway, we're working it out hopefully. And I am not unattractive, thank you. My first question is, why this "theoretical" man married someone he was not attracted to? That's just...unfair all around. I do not think that sexual desire diminishes in this case, it just wanders elsewhere (in my H's case, masturbation. His deal apparently has been that he just didn't know how to handle the virtually inevitable boredom that surfaces in long term sexual relationships). It kind of sounds like you are hoping for the answer that sexual desire will diminish because it is the least problematic scenario. I doubt that many guys are going to give that response. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife? Means you are ripe for an affair to happen. If you are unhappy or he is unhappy with you, keep the lines of communication open. Don't cheat on eachother - If anything, try some counselling, maybe it could help? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I tend to be relatively uninterested in these isolated "theoretical" scenarios tossed out for comments. I need a personal connection: are you the husband or the wife? Give more background: although you said the wife was unattractive, can you clarify which one it is that is driving the "sexless" aspect of the marriage, or is there a mutual lack of interest? WWIU - interesting (to me) point: you assumed it was the wife posting; my first guess is the husband, but that just points up my frustration with these "don't-give-much-information" theoretical questions where the poster doesn't put any real personal investment into it. I just can't connect... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades This theoretical person, at least in my book, gets an "A" for effort and a "D" for smarts. I'll work hard to solve any problem in my marriage but would need to see some return on that investment of time, energy and caring. I can't even get my mind around the concept of wasting decades in a sexless marriage - the resulting void isn't fair to either me or my spouse... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Again, a woman answering. I'm thinking that your the wife, also thinking that the lack of sex in your marriage is making you feel your unattractive, however, could be off base on that. If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades, does his sexual desire diminish? to near zero? I personally find with my sex drive it depends alot with how my sex life, or masturbation life is at the current moment. The more I have either, the more I want it. During the long period with my exSO where were were not intimate for 4 years, I also went thru a period in time I didnt masturbate either so subsequently my sex drive went to could not be bothered, so yes it went to zero. I know from talking to a some very good male friends that the same applied to them. What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife? It depends I should imagine on whether other intimacy is going on as well, such as hand holding, cuddling, spending quality time together sharing things, still caring for each other, doing special things for each other, etc, then I would have thought, possibly and I mean possibly, might be acceptable to some people, thats if my above comment about zero sexual desire is applicable. If neither of these are applicable, ie no intimacy and sexual desire is average, then I would think there is one very frustrated person. Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Sex is a drive but it's also a habit that one can, for the most part, break. Sex drives often diminish especially among long marrieds. Saying that, many MM overstate the lack of sex and affection in their marriage in order to lure the OW. It's an old snare, and one that often works. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 A question for...men: If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades, does his sexual desire diminish? to near zero? What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife? Comments appreciated. From my experience with MM... lack of sex is #1 reason for cheating. But I would think that his sexual desire could diminish to near zero with his wife... because he 1) doesn't want to constantly beg for sex 2) he is not sexually aroused by her anymore 3) he is just sexually bored with her The effect: he will NOT be faithful for very long if he has an opportunity to cheat... sorry but I don't buy that... he just won't....but he probably already did. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades, does his sexual desire diminish? to near zero?Nope. Not at all.What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife?What would be more interesting, is to hear what others say are the effects of a man is a sexless marriage with an ATTRACTIVE wife?The effect: he will NOT be faithful for very long if he has an opportunity to cheat... sorry but I don't buy that... he just won't....but he probably already did.Interesting......not true for all of us......but interesting you'd think that way..... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 WWIU - interesting (to me) point: you assumed it was the wife posting; my first guess is the husband, but that just points up my frustration with these "don't-give-much-information" theoretical questions where the poster doesn't put any real personal investment into it. I just can't connect... Actually I did think it was a man at first, talking about his wife, I re-read the post afew times then thought the way it was worded changed my mind. Now, I'm not too sure. Either way, male or female, cheating isn't going to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Actually I did think it was a man at first, talking about his wife, I re-read the post afew times then thought the way it was worded changed my mind. Now, I'm not too sure. Either way, male or female, cheating isn't going to help. I suspect it's an "OW-on-the-verge" post. Most guys would know the impact a sexless marriage would have on them. Also, the catty phrase "unattractive wife" is something the OW would use to describe the competition. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 What would be more interesting, is to hear what others say are the effects of a man is a sexless marriage with an ATTRACTIVE wife? ...the effects would be the same... his sexual drive would diminish with HER and therefore he would cheat....but the sex drive comes back in full 'swing' with a new partner... Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 A question for...men: If a man who is faithful to wife has not had a satisfactory sex life (or rather, has almost no sex) for decades, does his sexual desire diminish? to near zero? No...it doesn't. It might mean that he got use to not having sex. But a man whose wife will not put out will find it another way..and I'm not talking about cheating either since there is not excuse for that, even a sexless marriage. What's the effect of a long, sexless marriage to a man, who is faithful to his unattractive wife? Why does the wife have to be unattractive? Plenty of faithful men simply don't get sex from their wives who are not unattractive. But in answer to the question, what are the effects? A strong right arm and a calloused hand. Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 What would be more interesting, is to hear what others say are the effects of a man is a sexless marriage with an ATTRACTIVE wife? ...the effects would be the same... his sexual drive would diminish with HER and therefore he would cheat. I didn't..... Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I suspect it's an "OW-on-the-verge" post. Most guys would know the impact a sexless marriage would have on them. Also, the catty phrase "unattractive wife" is something the OW would use to describe the competition. Good point and very analytical. Sounds like another OW trying to justify sleeping with someone elses husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Sounds like another OW trying to justify sleeping with someone elses husband.I completely agree with this. Also have to agree that the described scenario does not justify any cheating. It sounds like a big mess, to be sure. But not one that another woman is going to help solve, unless she is a licensed therapist! Wonder if the OP will come back to further enlighten us on the specifics of the situation at hand? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Well you would know wouldn't you since you love sleeping with other women's husbands. It could be that Lizzie attracts men with the cheater mentality.....Example: if you hang out in places where men are looking, and women looking.... good chance you will find those that will cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 It could be that Lizzie attracts men with the cheater mentality.....Example: if you hang out in places where men are looking, and women looking.... good chance you will find those that will cheat. They're everywhere... on vacation with their wife... on the bus... on chat lines... in restaurants... in grocery stores... at work... in malls... I am not sure where are 'those' places you're talking about... where strictly MM are 'looking' care to tell me... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 It could be that Lizzie attracts men with the cheater mentality.....Example: if you hang out in places where men are looking, and women looking.... good chance you will find those that will cheat. No...go read one of her first posts...she told this forum that she prefers married men because she doesn't want an attachment. She prefers to sleep with other women's husbands. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 No...go read one of her first posts...she told this forum that she prefers married men because she doesn't want an attachment. She prefers to sleep with other women's husbands. Yes, so if she is out and about where men are looking for a side dish.... she will find one.... How easy it would be for me to cheat...... simple, married men, single.... it is easy.... all you have to do is put the "offer" out there to want to cheat and people will line up that have the desire to cheat with you..... not like she is "stealing" good and decent men, these guys are already looking for it for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 They're everywhere... on vacation with their wife... on the bus... on chat lines... in restaurants... in grocery stores... at work... in malls... I am not sure where are 'those' places you're talking about... where strictly MM are 'looking' care to tell me... LOL I get hit on all the time by married/single men....... and it disgusts me. I have no desire to bed down with someone without morals or integrity...... They are every where, but that doesn't mean they are good enough for me. Then again if you show interest and advert yourself as wanting to cheat with a MM I am quite sure they pick up on the fact that you are an easy mark for them. You will get even more interest from MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I get hit on all the time by married/single men....... and it disgusts me. I have no desire to bed down with someone without morals or integrity...... They are every where, but that doesn't mean they are good enough for me. Then again if you show interest and advert yourself as wanting to cheat with a MM I am quite sure they pick up on the fact that you are an easy mark for them. You will get even more interest from MM. To each their own... I have my reasons to prefer MM...it works for me... I also have many single male friends as well... but I still prefer MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 ...the effects would be the same... his sexual drive would diminish with HER and therefore he would cheat....but the sex drive comes back in full 'swing' with a new partner..... Well.....that hasn't happened in nearly 20 years.....I still get the twinch in the levis whenever I lay my eyes on her..... Don't you think you're generalizing here? Sure, I think you're basing your conclusions on personal experiences.....but give us a break.....not all men are out to lie and cheat on their wives regardless of how much we're getting in the sack. Some of us prefer keeping our honor intact...... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Well.....that hasn't happened in nearly 20 years.....I still get the twinch in the levis whenever I lay my eyes on her..... Don't you think you're generalizing here? Sure, I think you're basing your conclusions on personal experiences.....but give us a break.....not all men are out to lie and cheat on their wives regardless of how much we're getting in the sack. Some of us prefer keeping our honor intact...... no way...... you do exist? That in itself makes you very attractive as a human. (not hitting on you, just admire people with honor,- rare thing.) Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 That in itself makes you very attractive as a human.Only to women.....(alot more than one might think too ), men tend to think we're pu$$y whipped though...... Link to post Share on other sites
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