Married life and sex (again!)

[geneboy73]

All,

 

I have been on the site and I have posted in the Sep/Divorce section.

 

Basically, I am in the same boat as a lot of you. My wife and I have been together for about 4.5 years and married 2.5 of them.

 

As a lot of you know, marriage is tough and sex takes a lot of ups and downs. I wish it were more frequent but it is unfortunately not. At first my wife and I were somewhat frequent during our dating and then during our early times of marriage (1x per week then), but we have waned. We have no kids, just pets and now we are at 1x per month if I am lucky. Unfortunately, my wife and I have completely different drives and that makes things difficult. She suffers from depression and definitely an addiction (alcohol) which makes her personality change a great deal. She gets angry and sad. She used to take zoloft and she waned herself off of it and the angriness and sadness has returned. Our sex life has suffered a great deal for many reasons. I wish our encounters were more frequent and more passionate but they are not. She has said several times that she wants a sexual relationship, but she just doesn't feel that she wants it from me at times and that bothers her (and obviously me). She loves me, but she does not desire me in the way that she feels she should. We have become "platonic" and somewhat roomate like. I push, too much at times I have found by trial and error. There is nobody else, I have asked and done my homework and I know for sure. She is not a cheater. She just doesn't want sex, and I know it bothers her. She feels guilty every day.

 

Niether of us want to leave. We have discussed it many times and we have decided to go on as we are and see how things shake out. We are BEST friends and we get along great in all other ways. We have fun all the time when we are together. Our sex life however is 1x monthly at best.

 

I want to wait it out and I am seeking help and according to her, so is she. I hear a lot of people complaining about the same thing. I hope things will get better. I feel like a whiner and that I complain too much about this. My drive is high and hers is low. I have backed off and I have been in therapy. I try to get her to go, but again the more I try the more she pulls away.

 

I just want to know if others out there feel the same. She is my best friend and I know times are difficult and that a lot of work needs to be put into this. My question is though, what do you do when your sex cravings are totally off? We have fought and fought and neither of us wants to leave. Part of me want leave at times though and I know part of her feels the same. When do you know it's time to quit? Do you honor you vows and stick it out and make it work? These seem to be the questions a lot of us ponder and lose sleep and lose productivity at work or school over. I am scared, yet I am as a scientist by trade fascinated by this. Sex is a necessity for life to continue, yet it is something that drives us physically and emotionally to extremes. It is FUN, we crave it at times, yet we can't satisfy our needs. The excitement fades and thats when we question our commitment and stray from the relationship when we are so weakened.

 

How do others feel, how do others deal with the rejection when your significant other tells you, "I love you, but I don't love you like that" and you feel like everything in your life is crumbling around you?

 

Please share and be open about how you feel. If I can save this marriage, I am fully ready to work at it. If I fail, oh well, I move on an begin anew like the phoenix from the ashes. What have people done in the same situation as many of us? What are your successes and what are your failures?

 

All the best.