More whining about husband & drugs

[milvushina]

First of all I love my husband a lot and things are good between us. But he frustrates me sometimes. Right now we have one main issue I would love some advice about...sorry if this is long (and boring compared to most problems around here)

 

My husband had several issues with drugs when we first met. During the year we lived together, he quit using everything but his prescription drugs (which he does not need btw). About 1.5 years ago, he promised to wean himself off of them. I asked him how long he thought he would be taking them, he said, "two years".

 

Well, a year ago he asked me to marry him, but nothing had changed, so I told him being sober was a requirement. So he did what he said, and now one prescription he no longer gets and the other is 1/4 of what it was. But now he says he doesn't intend to stop this drug. I want him to stop it. On the other hand, it's not intolerable like it was. But I still don't like it.

 

The reason I have such problem is he got me to start taking them too. I never did for 5 months together, I didn't want to start that. Now, I have been taking them for 1.5 years and I am pretty sure I'm addicted. He gets his prescription once a month and we take them for about a week and they are gone. We spend the next 2 or 3 days bickering, not having sex, and generally feeling unpleasant. I know it was my decision to start taking them. But I really feel resentful that he pressured me like that.

 

The reason I want to quit is because I'm very busy, I have to work all day and have school and I don't have time for this. Last week, I forgot to go to one of my classes. It's a graduate class, and they make you pay if you miss. I failed a quiz; a month before I turned a report in late because I forgot to do it. And I make a lot of stupid mistakes at work, spend money and completely forget about it, etc. It just sucks.

 

It is so hard for ME to quit while it is still in the house, and I have to be around him while he takes them. Yesterday, he was complaining about how long it is until he gets his prescription, but said he is not going to call his girl friend that he can get drugs from, because we had plans to spend what was left of the evening home together. After work, I had to go work in a lab for class.

 

When I got home, her car was at my house and they're taking pills. They offered me some and I declined. He said "She just showed up- i didn't call her." Fine but what about remembering what you told me? He was like, "So when she asked me if I wanted any I should have said no?" I finally started to feel a little pissed.

 

I'm almost 30, my husband is almost 30, his stupid friend IS 30 and has a child. I love him, I just want to be around him, but not when he is being annoying, overly talkative and insensitive because of these drugs. Knowing how / when / how much to put my foot down is not my forte. I don't know what to ask him for. Is it controlling to ask him to stop? If I tell him I am going to quit, he might get spiteful. Will it seem passive aggressive if I quit? Or should I tell him it's not a dealbreaker and I'm not making demands but I really want to stop and I would like it if he did, and leave it at that?

 

I'll stop before this gets so long NO ONE will read it. I hate thinking I know what is going on, expecting certain chores done when I get home, even when I asked straight out is he going to contact this friend so I'll know to expect it! if I should pick up some food on the way home or whatever. And then find the exact opposite (this happens about 3 times a month, outside of the week where he is taking his own meds).

 

I'm not putting this in the drugs section because we both COULD stop, I am really asking for advice about how to approach my husband this time. If you bothered to read this......thank you:bunny:

[laRubiaBonita]

The reason I have such problem is he got me to start taking them too. I never did for 5 months together, I didn't want to start that. Now, I have been taking them for 1.5 years and I am pretty sure I'm addicted.

 

I'm not putting this in the drugs section because we both COULD stop, I am really asking for advice about how to approach my husband this time. If you bothered to read this......thank you:bunny:

 

this is written like a true addict.

 

"He made me start..." "I COULD stop, if i wanted...."

 

if you do want to do it, you need to remove yourself from the situation. even if that means moving out. He has not changed since day #1. he may use less now, but he still uses, and now you do as well.

 

i can tell you though it will get worse before it gets better.....

[milvushina]

Thank you for replying. I didn't mean to sound like he "made me" do it. I don't mean to blame it on him. I even said I accept it was my decision. I was just admitting I feel (maybe irrationally) some resentment towards him because he kept trying to get me to take his pills and then I did.

 

Moving out's not anywhere near feasable, and I think that would be over-reacting. I won't continue to take them even if he does not but I'm afraid it would drive me nuts to deal with him. Just not sure what to do.

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm not going to pass judgment, M, because you see that this is a problem, and that's the first step. I hope that you follow through with the remaining steps of beating an addiction. It is very difficult to live in an environment that promotes continued use and it will take a lot of willpower. I wouldn't have enough of that, myself.

 

It is anything but passive aggressive to stop for your own health and sanity. I'm not so sure your H is currently ready to follow your lead, though. I know he said he would, and it sounds like you accepted his two year plan which hasn't yet expired. When you stop, and if he doesn't, I think this is going to be more irritating than it is to you now. Be prepared for many arguments to ensue. He will not be pleased with your new found strength. Addicts love to have someone to wallow in addiction with, they actually seek out people. He already has the friend with the goods. Expect him to possibly spend more time with her than with you. She feeds his need, and you will no longer be doing that. He will want to hang out with someone who is not judging his behavior, but rather encouraging it.

 

Honestly, there will be a 600 pound gorilla living with you. More accurately it already is. I encourage you to stop using the pills yourself. Read up on codependent behavior and enabling behavior. Arm yourself with info so you can try to stop supporting his habit and any other destructive behavior within your relationship, while continuing to be strong yourself. It's a hard road to travel on your own, especially in a using environment. To succeed, you will likely need IC, Narcotics Anonymous, leaving the unhealthy environment, or all three. It doesn't mean you don't love your H when you don't support his choices, it means that you love yourself enough to live life to its fullest.

 

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

[milvushina]

Thank you. That was really nice. It would be very hurtful to me if he chose to spend more time with someone else. He has gone from seeing her like twice a week to once a week or less since he has been cutting back. But if I quit, that may change.

 

It is just easier for him than for me because his job is less demanding and he is not in college. I really can't afford to keep spending 7-10 days per month in la-la land, I will get in trouble.

 

I guess I am scared, I don't know, I hate the idea of having fights, I don't want to be controlling. I quit drinking already which was hard and I quit smoking which was also very hard, so I think that I can do it okay. Should i approach him and say what I want to happen? I know I can't make him do anything so I won't try and I don't want him to just lie about it instead. I don't know if he would or not. I guess actions speak louder than words so I should just say "I'm quitting now" and say why and then just stop.

 

He is getting antsy for his prescription to get filled in 2 days. The friend will be back then. I am antsy too but I also have the factor of thinking, I have a presentation and papers to write and I don't want to screw myself over the week before the end of the semester.

[laRubiaBonita]

do you feel like you will lose him to this other chick if you DO NOT continue taking the pills?

i

[milvushina]

do you feel like you will lose him to this other chick if you DO NOT continue taking the pills?

i

 

Oh no, not in a gazillion years. It's a whole other story, but I do have problems with their friendship, but not because I am jealous. I like her, she is a nice girl. Just irresponsible and dingy and can't stay sober. I don't like the way he treats her, he just uses her and is never around when SHE needs HIM to be a friend because he has no respect for her, or something.

[dropdeadlegs]

I quit drinking already which was hard and I quit smoking which was also very hard

That's very impressive, M. I'm proud that you managed to quit. the legal stuff is hard because it's everywhere and more socially acceptable, although cigarettes are taking a big dive in acceptability. It shows quite a bit of strength to have tackled those addictions.

 

I hadn't thought about this before, but you quitting might initially be a sense of relief to your H. More pills for him if he doesn't have to share.

 

It's so easy to go from a casual use of a substance to something more like the need to use it. Many years ago I dabbled with cocaine. When I recognized that it is very addictive, when I saw myself and my friends lie to themselves and others, some stole, and many got very greedy with their stuff, it was easy for me to stop. I didn't like myself or my friends anymore. It all started with fun, friendly use involving a lot of sharing, and it became a real beast that was ugly in quick fashion.

 

You understand that this is becoming problematic and want to stop the "insanity" of losing yourself and your life to something that will only take you down. You still have your perception. Quit while you're ahead, and face whatever needs to be faced. I hope your H will choose to support you, and soon follow your path.

[tommyr]

I am really asking for advice about how to approach my husband this time.

 

You want advice on how you (a practicing pill addict) should help your husband? Ok, that's easy.. YOU should get some help YOURSELF and stop doing pills! You will need medical help, so start by checking yourself into a 30 day treatment center. While there, you will get a directory of Narcotics Anonymous meetings in your area. At those NA meetings, you will meet other recovering pill addicts. Once you have a 6 month clean NA chip, you might then be in a position to help your husband (by inviting him to NA meetings with you).

[milvushina]

Well, thank you for the replies. Some made me feel better and some made me feel pretty stupid. That is okay though, I'd say the same thing if I thought that one addict was asking how to make another addict stop. The reason I didn't post on the addiction board is because I don't think that is the real problem. I don't need NA to quit. I have encouraged other people to use the program, it is just not necessary in this case.

 

The real problem is that I was fearful of what RELATIONSHIP problems might ensue when I stop and my husband does not. I don't know a lot about this.

That is what I wanted help with. DDL said some things that at least have made me think of worst-case scenarios. That's helpful... if I do have strife with my husband over this, I might come post then because I would rather talk about this with strangers than with our friends / my family.

[dropdeadlegs]

M, I'm a worst case scenario kinda girl. If I expect the worst I can't be disappointed and can only be pleasantly surprised. Best of luck to you, I sincerely hope that it doesn't happen in any way I stated as possibilities.

 

On an airline, they routinely tell you that in case of emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first. You can't help anyone if you are struggling to breathe yourself.

 

Tell him you are stopping and need his support. Then stop. Get yourself over the hump first. If you determine you need help, you know where to get it. Then you will be in a better position to assist your H. I hope he will be ready to live without the haze of drug use, but he has been using for much longer than you have and will probably have a harder time.

 

Keep posting for support!

[milvushina]

Yes, that is right, he has been using more and longer (I think, about 5 years now!) and it will be a lot harder for him. Plus, he is not as busy as I am. I have projects, painting, gardening, and working out, besides work and school, to keep my mind off of things.

 

I told him last night I would not be taking them anymore. I'm sure he will still try to talk me into it but I think only because it makes him feel better about it. I left it at that, he knows I would like for him to quit. I will see how things go and come back at a later time. Thank you again for your time.

[tommyr]

The real problem is that I was fearful of what RELATIONSHIP problems might ensue when I stop and my husband does not. I don't know a lot about this.

That is what I wanted help with.

 

Nobody could answer this better than folks who have already been through this exact situation. Many in NA have household members who are not in recovery. So go to NA, get yourself some help, then ask the bona-fide-been-there-done-that experts in NA your question -

I am fearful of what RELATIONSHIP problems might ensue when I stop and my husband does not.

[RecordProducer]

Milvushina, I've never taken drugs, but I've had a drinking problem since my teen age and I can tell you that it's never the drugs/booze that cause the main problem - they are always a consequence of deeper problems and dissatisfaction with yourself. When you start abusing the substance it becomes an additional problem.

 

I don't know what to tell you to help you, but I know that you would benefit from seeing a therapist. You can find one that your health insurance covers. It's OK to seek help. You will feel better when you talk to an expert. It's OK to be weak and influenced; it's OK to be frustrated and running away from reality. It's realy OK. But when you feel that drugs are doing more harm than good, it's time to talk to somebody. Just talk. Your eyes will be more open. You have two problems to solve: why you started taking the drug and how to get off.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know what to tell you to help you, but I know that you would benefit from seeing a therapist. You can find one that your health insurance covers. It's OK to seek help. You will feel better when you talk to an expert. It's OK to be weak and influenced; it's OK to be frustrated and running away from reality. It's realy OK. But when you feel that drugs are doing more harm than good, it's time to talk to somebody. Just talk. Your eyes will be more open. You have two problems to solve: why you started taking the drug and how to get off.

Good, good advice. Worry about yourself first and the realtionship later...

 

Mr. Lucky

[milvushina]

My husband got his medicine this weekend. He asked me if I had changed my mind about not taking it, but I said no and told him I wouldn't give him a hard time about it but that we really needed to talk someday about cutting it out. He agreed with me.

 

All weekend we got in all kinds of stupid spats. To be honest he just gets on my nerves when he's that way. He talks non stop, often goes on and on about times past and how much a deliquent he used to be and I can hardly get a word in. it's like being lectured! Plus, he gets so pissy, and I was pissy too because it's hard to stay away from the stuff even though I can't stand the mood it puts me in.

 

To RP and others: Yes, I have been to therapy. I have had a pretty happy boring life I guess. The reason stuff like pills and alcohol became a habit for me is that I was self medicating myself for chronic pain.. it allows me to fall asleep, sleep through the night, and relieves muscle pain and cramps. I found out a lot of people get used to these drugs for pain instead of pain killers.. I'm much happier without (I was treated for depression and anxiety btw, also side effect of pain but was not recommended further counseling).

 

The first problem was when I found out he had lied to me about the last time his friend came over. I asked how many she gave him, he said two. I found out that she gave him a bunch more. I feel stupid because I was so confident I would know if he was sober and I try to keep track so I know he keeps improving. I have a real sesitive issue with those two keeping things from me. He said she didn't know he lied. But why did he hide most of them when she gave them to him, and why did she seem awkward and leave right after I got home?

 

I had my feelings hurt, then Saturday he accused me of twisting things around on him because he thought I had asked him to lie to me. I said, "If you get your medicine, please don't try to talk me into taking any." He said, "Oh, I get it...you want me to get it and lie to you." I said, No. How can that possibly be construed as me twisting things around?

 

The rest of the weekend we got along fine but spent more time than usual in different rooms and stuff. I got a whole lot of work done. We just didn't associate as much. Sunday night I brought up the timeline we had discussed and told him I'd like some idea of how it was going, what his plans for quitting were.

 

He said that I was being a nag and he had already given up so much, did I just want him to stop doing everything? I asked him what else I'd asked to stop. He couldn't even answer. I told him I didn't feel bad because we discussed this before we got married and he was the one who assured me he would stop completely. Then he said, look, he is going to keep getting his prescription forever but he'll get it filled less often, and he doesn't understand why I harp on him about it.

 

I only bring it up when it seems like he is not making good on his promises, maybe once every 2 or 3 months. I told him I harp because he won't give me definitive answers. Because I him to tell me what his plan is. And it is my business to ask because it affects me too..it makes it harder for me to quit.

 

As mean as you could please, he said Fine, I'll stop so it won't be hard on you. I told him that wasn't what I wanted him to say. I said I had told him 1.5 years ago how I felt and he had promised to make changes and it was my right to ask up on things that bothered me. I was real upset so i got out of bed and went in the library and read a while. He popped his head in later to say he was sorry and if I gave him a while to think he would make some kind of plan / timetable and share it with me.

 

I feel really exhausted today. I had so much trouble sleeping. I feel stupid and sad that he would lie to me and I believed it. We still had fun this weekend, it was probably 60% good and 40% bickering but that just drains me and it not like hanging out with my best friend like the weekends usually are. I'm really sad and scared that he is just all talk and trying to go back on his promises.

 

Do you think I am asking too much? Or too forcefully? It is so hard to work up the nerve to talk about it and then hard to take his defensiveness. I just have to keep a talk going long enough to get something out of him, even if it turns into a fight, and then leave it alone for a while. If nothing changes between now and July or so, I will have to bring it up again. I guess. I just want to take care of myself and stand up for myself but not handle things wrong and make him feel like he has to lie to me. I'm pretty sad today. Do you think I am blowing it out of proportion?

[Mr. Lucky]

I think that if your whole life revolves around drugs, "should I take them", "should he take them", "what's he like when he takes them" ad infinitem..., even the least observant person would say that you've got a problem. Your relationship seems to be more about pills than it is about each other and it has really affected your lives. At the risk of sounding insensitive, don't worry about him, you need to get help yourself. After you take that first step, you'll have a lot more choices than you have now...

 

Mr. Lucky

[tommyr]

Milvushina, we can't help you here. LoveShack is a forum for interpersonal relationships. You and your husband are practicing drug addicts and until you get some help for yourself (ie, stop using pills) then NOTHING will change in your relationship. It will be like the movie GroundHogDay... every day same as the last. My advice: get some treatment for your addiction, goto NA meetings.

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm really sorry that your weekend sucked. I'm afraid there will be many more of that nature now that you are firm in not taking the pills and he isn't ready to let them go.

 

What kind of Dr has been enabling this dependency for so long? That bothers me. Lots of people have died taking legally prescribed drugs.

 

It will be very hard to change behavior that has been accepted for so long. I know you talked to him prior to marriage, but accepting him as your husband with knowledge of this problem gives the message that you "accept" the behavior. That "acceptance" is hard to withdraw.

 

You always have the choice to no longer accept things, but that may require ending the relationship as a way of stating that your acceptance is withdrawn.

 

I hope things go your way, but I'm skeptical that they will. There are a lot of years of substance abuse to battle. This last battle might be all out war.

[milvushina]

tommy & mr. lucky - my life doesn't revolve around drugs; I am firm in not taking them anymore. It has been almost a month, not a long time but I don't see going back. But you do seem insistent that I am barking up the wrong tree so I will stop posting here since the consensus is this doesn't belong in an interpersonal relationship forum. I am sorry for wasting your time, I really didn't mean to.

 

DDL - Thank you again for listening. I still think things will be okay. Our cycle is one week of the month that drives me nuts and three weeks that are really happy and healthy. I'm just tired of putting up with it. Anyway, I guess this is not the place to vent about it but I'm grateful for the time you took to respond, too.

[dropdeadlegs]

I don't see any reason that this subject doesn't belong on an interpersonal relationship board. I also don't see it as being wrong to post it in the Marriage & Life Relationships section. This is affecting your marriage.

 

Since I don't know your H or his pattern of using these pills or anything else that he has given up, I'm trying not to make quick judgments. It would probably be helpful to know what he is using and what it was originally prescribed for. I am not a doctor, so that may not be of any use at all to me, but I'm sure there are doctors, pharmacists, etc. that read threads on LS. There may be people who have gone through similar situations that could better respond to your situation.

 

From the info you have chosen to share, it sounds as though your H is ambivalent about giving up these pills. I think in his head he knows that these pills are a problem, but like most users of drugs, he can't see himself actually quitting.

 

When you were using too, you probably exhibited some of the same behaviors (talking endlessly about the past, getting pissy, etc.) but when you are sober it is harder to bear the rambling. Doesn't sound much different from being drunk and having a conversation with another drunk versus being sober talking to that person who is slurring, repeating themselves, and getting very emotional. It's harder to put up with the drunk when you're sober. The drunk will be down right aggravating!

 

I know my last post wasn't a positive one, but I truly think this will get worse before it gets better. Worse because you will be dealing with your H through sober eyes, making it harder to deal with him.

 

He is turning things around, like the part about you wanting him to lie to you. That doesn't make sense and you saw that it doesn't, but I would be prepared to have many more conversations where things are turned around on you so that he can justify in his mind the continued use of the pills.

 

If he is taking these pills for a week then going three weeks without (unless he can score some from that girl) he should be able to stop. It's really just as easy as not filling the prescription, yet it's so much more complicated than that for him.

 

I know you love him, and I'm sure he loves you, too. I just think that even if he sets the timetable for you, that he will have a hard time putting it into play when the time comes. I'm being realistic, and as I stated before, I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I think this monkey might be bigger than you thought, but I hope that I am wrong.

 

Don't stop venting. You might get more useful information in the addiction section, and if you want you can always post a rant where advice isn't really asked for.

 

Best of wishes, Milvushina.

[sb129]

What kind of Dr has been enabling this dependency for so long? That bothers me. Lots of people have died taking legally prescribed drugs..

 

This is what I was wondering too. And also, if you don't mind me asking, what kind of prescription drugs have the power to do that?

THe only thing I can think of is methadone, and if it IS that, then surely he should be getting concurrent therapy to try and get off it? I thouhg that was a conditon of getting prescribed such drugs?

 

Milvushina, don't stop posting!

 

Yes, support from qualified addiction therapists might be better, but you can still vent here.

[milvushina]

Oops, did I really not say what he takes? They are benzodiazapemes (sp?). They're extremely non-toxic. Honestly I do not see how they are legal because supposedly they treat anxiety but really they just get you high. My husband says that he started taking the ones he gets now and also xanax about 10 years ago. The dr. that he went to was supposedly a quack and my husband lied about anxiety problems (he was only 18 at the time...) The dr. he sees now prescribes because he had a long history of this medicine and he did not want to take him off of it. He rarely ever takes xanax anymore.

 

Yes he pretty much goes on a week-long binge, and they take a couple of days to wear off (long half life). Over the next 3 weeks he'll normally get some from the friend a couple of times. So I'd estimate, 13 days out of the month, he is pilled out. He thinks he is doing great because he compares now to a couple of years ago. But I don't know how to both express that I am proud and that "better" is still not good in my book.

 

Like I said the weekend was bad, and Monday too. Then, he talked to me and said he had decided to quit but he didn't like that I wanted him to make a deadline (of COURSE). I told him I just figured that to accomplish something, you have to set goals to meet. He says now that he wants to continue getting his prescription, but not fill it every month. He says that he needs to feel like he's able to not take them without having his dr. cut him off. I HATE that philosophy, that you battle addiction by having the substance around and not taking it. I didn't say that, but it's total BS. People who quit things don't do it like that. But it's his journey.. just sucks that I am affected.

 

I don't know where we stand now but despite not wanting to give a timeline he said he can't see himself taking them for years. I pointed out that was a timeline, even if vague. So he said a year. Well that's basically a 6-month extension on the original promise. But it is progress. We have gone from MOST of the month to less than half the month to agreeing to skip some months completely. I will just have to see how that pans out.

 

I think it is easier for me to not take them because I just don't like the way they make me feel that much. Physically, they are relaxing, make it very easy to sleep, but emotionally, they just make me feel dumb and sensitive. For some weird reason they are habit forming, but when I actually take them I mostly just felt annoyed that I have problems concentrating, mind races, etc. I don't think there is anything my husband doesn't like about them though.

 

It's just frustrating.. his friend was calling us last night. She wants him to pay her back for some pills she gave him, but he didn't return her call because he took them all. You would think this would make her stop giving them to him, but I guess she believes the stories he makes up about why he doesn't have any. I wish she would just stay away.

[dropdeadlegs]

Benzodiazapines are a class of drug including Atavan, Valium, and Xanax. They are most commonly prescribed for short term use. You are correct, that toxicity is low. Depending on which drug, dosage, and length of use, it can take anywhere from days to months to completely dispel the drug from the body. Addiction with long term use is almost certain. Tolerance builds, as it does with heroin, alcohol, and marijuana. Continued regular use causes neuro adaptation to the drug, meaning the brain no longer automatically does what the drug is doing for it, in up to 50% of users.

 

These drugs have a medical value when used in conjunction with Cognitive Behavior Therapy to alleviate the root cause of the anxiety. They are also useful in preparation for surgery, to relax the patient.

 

Withdrawal is not uncommon and may explain why the days following his binges are equally as annoying to you as the time he is taking the drug. Irritability, sleeplessness, anxiety, dizziness, and loss of memory are common withdrawal symptoms. Since withdrawal can last for long periods of time, it may explain his need for more of the drug between prescriptions. There may also be days of feeling withdrawal symptom-free followed by days of troubling symptoms.

 

These drugs directly affect the Central Nervous System, as do most or all mood altering substances. Since the CNS is the "control panel" of our bodies, I think that excessive manipulation of the CNS is dangerous for most able minded people. It is not recommended to go "cold turkey" to get off of CNS drugs and a gradual decrease is suggested.

 

There is a ton of information on the internet. I think this will be harder to stop than your husband thinks. I encourage him to seek medical advice and be completely honest about his misuse of the drug in order to withdraw in the safest way and also to prevent relapse.

 

I am not a doctor. I have used Xanax in the past and found it very useful in a stressful time of my life. I was prescribed the lowest dosage and only used it when I felt it was necessary. I never felt tired/sleepy, it simply took me down a notch making regular functioning possible when I would get all worked up. In large doses, and especially if you don't really need it for anxiety, it produces a high similar to painkillers. In other words, if you need it, it does what it's supposed to do, calm you down. If you don't need it, it's more of a dumbing down/numbing reaction.

 

If your husband decides to quit without medical supervision, at the very least he should educate himself as to how to go about it and what symptoms to expect. As for his timeframe, only you can decide what rate of progress is acceptable to you.

[milvushina]

Because it was nice to talk about it here.

 

Things have been going well. After our last, very unpleasant discussion in April/May, he distanced himself from the friend who is really his partner in this stuff. He still gets his prescription, and takes them really fast. I just put up with it for a few days. This month I took a couple, at a party, and that's it. Besides that, almost two months. I have myself convinced I don't really like them. It sucks for me because I have almost a whole frustrating week of no sex and irritable behavior. BUT I think it's an ok compared to a full two weeks of this bienging stuff.

 

It gets so exhausting, he'll be distant and insensitive during the day, irritable in the mornings, and then randomly be super affectionate like wanting to hug and kiss me and say sweet things when I'm not exactly primed for that. We went throught this this morning. And of course no sex, since last Thursday - makes me feel a little lonely.

 

I just wanted to vent. I hate that something that makes him happy makes me feel confused and ignored. He says that I expect him to in a bad mood ("hungover") and that I start things because of my expectations. But I don't think that's true. I'm just a little sad today and not sure where to go from here. I feel like things have improved a lot and yet there are still little pockets of the same old thing left over, and it just makes me feel depressed.

 

Thanks again for listening. I hope I don't make him sound too bad, because he really is wonderful. I don't see this being a deal breaker, it seems to slowly get better for me, it is just emotionally taxing.